Let Her Go
by MotherTucker
Summary: What happens when Olivia's past collides with her future? She's finally happy and has the family she always wanted, but it's about to all go to hell. Set 7 years in the future. Established Tuckson.
1. Chapter 1

Thursday (April 2023)

Olivia sighed as she stepped into the elevator of her apartment building and hit the button for the 6th floor. She leaned heavily against heavily against the wall and let her bag drop to the floor, the strap loosely hanging on her fingers.

The week was almost over. One more day and she could relax into a quiet weekend. It wasn't that this week was worse than any other. She was just tired. Bone tired.

 _A few more minutes,_ she thought. Then she can relax into the unusually quiet solitude of her apartment. Maybe she'd pour a glass of wine and soak in a hot bath, washing off the grime of the day.

A part of her wished she'd some exciting evening plans, but a bigger part of her relished the idea of having a night all to herself. These days, it was rare that she ever had a whole night alone, but tonight was all hers. The rest of her family was otherwise occupied.

Ed was taking 10-year old Noah on a camping and fishing trip upstate, and 6-year old Nicole was having her first big girl sleepover with Amanda and Jesse. Olivia smiled when she remembered how excited both of her children were when they packed their little bags last night. Noah was thrilled at the idea of sleeping outside in a real tent, and Nicole went on and on about how Amanda promised the girls a princess tea party.

When she married Ed six years ago, Olivia wondered how well he and Noah would bond. It was obvious Ed loved her son, but caring about your girlfriend's kid and signing on to raise him are two different things. She needn't have worried. Her boys were thick as thieves almost immediately. Ed taught Noah how to fish, throw a baseball, burp the alphabet and all kinds of other "guy" things that seemed to delight them both.

Olivia had thought her family was complete with Ed and Noah, but about a year into their marriage, she received a phone call. Judge Linden heard a case involving an infant girl with a story similar to Noah's.

Shortly after her birth, the baby's mother, a trafficked girl turned junkie was killed by the baby's father in an apparent murder/suicide, leaving baby Nicole as a ward of the state. After being bounced around to half a dozen foster homes before her first birthday, the Judge thought maybe magic would strike twice.

Upon hearing the story and meeting Nicole, Ed and Olivia needed only a glance at each other to know that they would welcome this little blond bundle into their family. A month later, Ed formally adopted Noah. He and Olivia had talked about it before, and she didn't know it but he had the papers drawn up months before they even knew about Nicole. After adopting Nicole together, he told Olivia it was time, and she agreed. He didn't want the boy to ever feel like he wasn't part of the family as fully and equally.

Five years later, it seemed like everything was as it was meant to be. Not perfect. In truth, things were far from perfect lately. But it was theirs. Their family. Their busy life, which she loved. That didn't mean she couldn't appreciate a night off.

The elevator chimed brining her out of her reverie. She scooped up her bag and headed down the hall to her apartment. The closer she got to her door, she began to feel a strange dread. She attributed it to the last case and recent tension at home. Ed loved her and the kids, of that she was certain. And she loved him. That didn't mean marriage came without work, and recently theirs seemed to require more effort than ever.

Unlocking the door, she tried to shake the uneasy feeling. Without bothering to turn on the light, Olivia dropped her bag just inside the door and headed toward her bedroom. She shrugged her coat off along the way and slung it over the back of the couch. Noah would scold her for not hanging it on the designated hook, since she always made him put his coat and backpack away after school.

 _What the little man didn't know wouldn't hurt her_ , she thought. Before she could smile at the thought, she sensed a presence to her left. Her heartbeat quickened.

"Ed?" No, he knew better than to sneak up on her in the dark. She started to back toward the front door.

"Who's there?" She reached to her hip and cursed the earlier decision to put her gun in her bag.

Suddenly, the air moved. She threw up her left elbow in defense, but it was too late. In a rush of limbs and hands and force, she was shoved backwards and slammed against the door. Her head bounced against the wood the power of the blow making her eyes roll back.

Within seconds she was shaking it off and was stunned to feel the mass of a man pressing against her, one hand holding her wrists above her head and the other clamped over her mouth. She tried to pull her hands free and use her hips to force him away, but her efforts were in vain.

He had her pinned so close, she couldn't make out his profile or anything about him. Between the ringing in her ears and her eyes still trying to adjust to the darkness, she knew she was taking too long to respond. She was paralyzed.

Olivia's eyes slammed shut. Her mind was racing and terror washed over her like a wave. Even after all these years, she immediately flashed to William Lewis. She hadn't had a true flashback in ages, but right now, in this moment, she could barely control her emotions, let alone her physical reaction.

She wracked her brain trying to figure out what recent cases might have precipitated such an attack. She had to do something. She tried to scream, but his hand was firmly over her mouth and his crushing weight made it difficult to breathe much less move.

She tried desperately to calm her mind, slow her breathing. But the panic was even heavier than the weight of the man holding her.

 _You're Badass Benson, pull yourself together,_ she scolded herself. She mustered her strength and kicked the door with her heel as hard as she could. She kicked again and again. Maybe a neighbor would hear the commotion and call the super. It was her only hope.

The intruder forced one of his thighs between hers. He leaned them slightly to the left, forcing her right foot off the floor. He bent his other knee and wedged her leg into the doorjamb effectively stopping her movements and destabilizing her even more.

"Please…" She cursed herself when she heard the quiver in her voice. She fought the fear and tried to think of anything she could do. All of her muscles were straining against him trying to push them further to the left. If she could get enough of her weight shifted, it might throw him off balance. He grunted as he tried to keep them both upright and felt her body stiffen.

She froze. It wasn't the violation of her space or the vulnerable position. It was that sound. She would never forget that voice. But it wasn't possible. It could not be.

 _He's dead, Olivia. Pull yourself together!_

Olivia shook away ghosts of the past, took a deep breath and willed herself to let go of the fear. She thought of her family, a family she never thought she'd have. A family she'd die to protect but wanted to live to experience. She had to get out of here. She took another deep breath and shifted slightly preparing to launch them to the floor in an all-out attack.

He felt the movement, her body once again straining against his. He knew she was about to give it one last go – one last concentrated effort to free herself. He couldn't risk being discovered. He had to still her, quiet her.

He knew the pain he was about to inflict on her, but it was inevitable. From the moment he decided to come here, hurting her was a foregone conclusion.

He pressed all of his weight onto her to keep her still and leaned even closer so his mouth was near her ear. "Shh, Liv, it's okay," he whispered. "It's me." He felt her go completely rigid.

Her heart stopped and the air was sucked from her lungs. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. _Who_ she was hearing.

It can't be…

For the first time since the attack began, Olivia opened her eyes and stared into the shadows of her attacker's face. Even in the darkness those eyes were unmistakable.

"No… No… It…can't…be," her voice was barely audible. "Elliot," she croaked. "I thought you were dead."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

" _Elliot, I thought you were dead."_

Olivia would never forget where she was when she heard. The moment was seared into her mind as sure as her own name.

 **Three weeks earlier**

It had been a hectic morning. The part-time nanny who usually helped out before and after school called in sick. Ed had an early meeting, so Olivia was left getting both kids ready and to their respective schools. It would be so much easier when Nicole started first grade next year and the kids were at the same school.

She checked her watch as she stepped onto the elevator. 9:20 wasn't too late. Besides she was Captain now. She'd earned the perk of being a little late once in a while, and it's not like the rest of the squad didn't know to reach her if something came up.

Things appeared relatively calm when she finally made it to the squad room. "Quiet morning?" She asked Amanda.

"Shh, don't jinx it," Amanda said with a smile. "Ed just got here, he's waiting in your office."

"Ed?" She muttered to herself. _What's he doing here? Shouldn't he still be in his meeting?_

He stood when she walked into her office and motioned for her to close the door.

"What's wrong." She could tell by the look on his face, it was bad news. She'd just left the kids, so it couldn't be them. If it was someone from her squad, she or Amanda would have gotten the call by now. She sat her bag on her desk and shrugged off her jacket.

When she turned back to him he was closer than she expected. She tossed her coat over her bag and eyed him cautiously. Ed certainly wasn't one to beat around the bush, so she wondered why hadn't just come right out with it already. "Liv, sit down." He took her arm and led her to the couch.

She searched his face for any clue. All she saw was a cloud of emotion that she couldn't quite read. "Ed, you're really freaking me out here."

"It's Stabler."

Okay, that was the last name she expected to hear. He may have come up a few times over the years, but he was a subject best left in the past. She looked up as if expecting him to walk through the door.

"Elliot? What about him?"

"Liv, Stabler died in a car explosion early this morning. Clearly foul play." He gave her a minute to take in the news.

The air rushed from her lungs like she'd been punched in the gut. She just stared at her husband trying to process the information. _Elliot_. Car explosion. _Dead_.

He started to continue with the few details he'd been able to track down, but we he saw the glazed look in her eye, he stopped. It took her a few seconds to realize he wasn't still talking.

"Uh, who? How?" She blinked her eyes a few times and a slight tremor shook her frame.

Ed put his hand on her arm and explained that it had been in a report from the FBI. Since Elliot was former NYPD, they were notified. Apparently he'd been working undercover for them and his cover was blown. The irony was that he was getting into his car to head to a safe house.

Olivia's mind was reeling. It wasn't like she'd seen or heard from him in the last twelve years. She'd finally been able to let him go and was even able to smile at the memory of him once in a while. In the back of her mind, it was like she always knew he was out there somewhere. Now, he wasn't.

"I just didn't want you to hear it from someone else." Ed's voice was quiet, but it broke her from her thoughts. She looked at him the shock evident on her face.

"Oh, yeah." She shouldn't be this affected. Her heart was pounding, and she was fighting the urge to cry. "Uh, thanks." She just stared at the floor trying to make sense of everything he'd told her.

"Liv, are you okay?" He dipped his head to catch her eyes.

"What?" She shook her head. "Of course, I'm fine. Just a little shocked." He watched the wall slam down behind her eyes as she pushed the news aside. With that she stood and snatched her coat from its heap on her desk to hang it on the rack in the corner.

"Do you want to go get a cup of coffee or something and talk about it?" Ed never really understood her relationship with Stabler, but he knew they'd once been close. Closer than partners should be. He wasn't sure how he expected her to take the news. But this. This lack of reaction wasn't it. She sat down at her desk and glanced at her computer. He knew that was his clue that the conversation was over.

"I really don't think there's anything to talk about," she gave him a wistful look. "It's not like I've seen him in the past twelve years."

"Guess, you're right. I just wasn't sure if…" He paused. He wasn't sure what he wasn't sure of.

"I'm fine, Ed. Really." She gave him a tight smile hoping it would convince him to let it go. She stood and walked to him. "Thanks for coming to tell me in person. I do appreciate it."

He pulled her into an embrace. She let him hold her for a minute before pulling away and giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Now, let me get back to work." There was almost a hint of a tease in her voice as she gently nudged him toward the door.

Ed wasn't convinced she was okay with the news he'd just dropped on her. But she was classically "fine" as usual. He respected that she had a job to do and probably just wanted to use it to keep her mind off of Stabler's death. So he decided not to push it, for now.

"Yes, Captain." He smiled as he opened the door. "See you at home, you've got Noah tonight, right?" Noah had insisted on starting guitar lessons when Carisi got him a pass to a week-long music camp last summer. So Tuesdays, she took off a little early to pick him up since it was just a few blocks from the precinct.

"Yep, we'll see you and the little princess around 5:30."

Olivia waited until he'd left the squad room before she shut the door. She sighed and let her head fall back against it. Even though they weren't in touch, she couldn't image a world without Elliot Stabler somewhere in it. Her throat burned and tears threatened, but she took a deep breath and willed herself to focus on work.

After lunch a case came in that kept most of the team busy. Two women in the same apartment building were raped just hours apart, same M.O. Carisi and Fin were at the hospital taking their statements and Amanda was working with CSU at the crime scenes. Since the perp wore a mask and used a condom, it was going to take some effort to find him.

Olivia busied herself with paperwork while she waited for the team to check in. No matter how hard she tried, her mind kept wondering to Elliot.

She remembered the first time they met. She'd been able to tell he wasn't exactly thrilled to have a newbie for a partner. He was cordial but quiet. After a morning of limited small talk, she was finally fed up with the cold shoulder and called him out on it. He explained that he didn't expect her to stick around once they got their first call. She tried to assure him she was in it for the long haul, but she could tell he was going to wait her out.

It didn't take long for them to develop a rapport. Hell, it went way beyond rapport. They were Benson and Stabler. Liv and El. And of course she did stick it out, even longer than him.

A knock on the door brought her back to the present. She looked up to see Amanda poking her head in.

"Cap, we found semen in one of the women's bathrooms, apparently the perp wasn't as careful as he thought. They're running it now."

"Thanks, Rollins." She turned back to her computer saw that it was going on 4:30. She had about 20 minutes before she had to leave to pick up Noah? She had just enough time to finish the report she'd been staring at for the last hour.

Realizing she was dismissed, Amanda backed away and headed to her desk leaving the door slightly ajar. Liv had basically been holed up in her office since Ed left hours ago. Amanda couldn't tell what was wrong, and even though their relationship had improved over the years she knew better than to pry. Before she made it back to her desk she noticed a blond woman looking around the squad room like she was lost.

"Can I help you?"

"Oh um, yes." The woman's voice was shaking, and she'd clearly been crying. Amanda assumed she was a victim. "I'm looking for Det…um, for…" she trailed off trying to find the words.

"Just take your time."

"Oh no, I'm not. I just um… I'm looking for Olivia Benson."

"She's in her office, can I tell her your name?"

"It's okay Rollins." Amanda was a little surprised to see her Captain standing in the doorway to her office with a guarded expression on her face.

"Kathleen," Olivia sighed. "Come in." She'd been waiting for one of them to show up here. It seemed inevitable. She was even fairly certain it would be Kathleen. So when she heard her name, she just knew.

Amanda watched as the young woman's eyes started to well up. She just stared at Olivia for a few seconds before dropping her head and shuffling toward the Captain's office. Olivia put her arm around the woman's shoulders and ushered her into her office and directed her toward the couch.

Just before she closed the door, she turned to Amanda. Her voice was soft but strained. "Can you please call Ed and see if he can pick up Noah from his guitar lesson? Oh and I don't want to be interrupted unless it's urgent."

"Sure, Cap. Is everything okay?"

"I honestly don't know." And with that she closed the door and drew the blinds.

Over an hour later on the other side of the door, Carisi was grilling Amanda on the stranger in Liv's office. She'd managed to get a hold of Ed and tell him Liv wasn't going to be able to pick up their son. As usual, he didn't ask any questions. It didn't happen as often these days, but the job still interfered with their plans from time to time.

"I'm telling you that's all I know." Amanda was getting annoyed. She had no idea who the woman was or how she knew Olivia.

"You said blond, late twenties, early thirties?" Carisi asked.

"Yeah, she was really upset. I thought she was a vic, but now I'm not sure. Olivia seemed to know her, almost like she was expecting her."

"And you didn't ask her name?" Carisi was like a nosy neighbor. It drove him crazy to feel out of the loop.

"I did, but… Wait, I think Liv called her Kathleen."

"Not Kathleen Stabler?" Fin who had been relatively uninterested, was now paying attention. "Blond, a bit shorter than Liv?"

"Yeah, I guess." Amanda was surprised, Fin rarely got involved with office gossip. "Wait, Stabler, as in?"

"Yeah." Fin was looking toward the office now trying to see if there was any way to see in.

"Who are you two talking about?" Carisi hadn't put the pieces together. He came enough later after Stabler, Amanda wasn't sure if he even knew who Olivia's old partner was.

"Liv's old partner," she whispered, almost like it was taboo to mention that he even existed.

The trio spent the next few minutes hashing out the day's events. Amanda told them about Ed showing up before Liv and that she had seemed shocked he was there. After he left, she stayed in her office with the door closed most of the day. She hadn't been rude to Amanda earlier, but she had definitely been distracted. Then this mystery woman showed up.

"How long they been in there?" Fin asked.

Checking the clock on the wall Amanda replied, "Over an hour and a half. She said not to interrupt and had me call Ed to pick up Noah today. I honestly couldn't read her reaction. She just went into stoic Liv mode."

Fin looked a little worried. Why would one of the Stabler kids show up here to see Liv? And why was she so upset? Was it even Kathleen Stabler, after all these years?

Just as he was going to ask Rollins for more intel, the door to Liv's office opened.

Fin's head snapped toward the door, and he watched Olivia guide a woman who was definitely Kathleen Stabler through the squad room toward the elevators. He caught Amanda's eye and gave a slight nod confirming the woman's identity.

Before they could say anything, Olivia briskly walked back through the bullpen to her office. They could hear her gathering her things. Moments later she emerged. She was obviously upset and trying to just get out before a million questions were hurled at her.

"Liv, everything okay?" Of course Fin would ask.

She looked at him and saw his obvious concern for her and whatever was going on. No sense hiding the news that would get out eventually anyway. She stopped next to his desk. "Elliot was killed in a car bombing this morning. Apparently he'd been working with the FBI and something went wrong with an op."

Amanda and Carisi didn't know what to say. Olivia didn't have the energy or desire to say anymore, so she just shook her head and started back toward her office.

"He was a good cop, Liv. I know you weren't close anymore, but it still sucks he had to go out this way." Fin always the pragmatic.

Olivia stopped and looked him in the eye. "Thanks, Fin." The day had really kicked her ass. "Guys, I'm sorry, I've really got to get home."

"Sure Liv, see you tomorrow." Carisi said watching her leave and then looked to Fin and Amanda. The three just sat in silence not knowing what to make of the news or how their boss would react.

When Olivia opened the door to their apartment, it was quiet. It was almost 8:30pm, so that didn't come as a surprise. She knew she should have just gone home straight from work, but she just wanted a few more minutes. One more moment before she had to face life again. She'd stopped at their neighborhood pub for a quick drink and mulled over her conversation with Kathleen.

She learned that Dickie was in Denver, married with a baby on the way. Maureen, the perfect one as Kathleen called her, had become and married a corporate lawyer and was living in Connecticut with her three kids. Liz was sharing a flat in Brooklyn with a couple of friends and had recently gotten engaged to some Wall Street hotshot. Kathleen was living with her boyfriend of six years, which drove her traditional Catholic parents a little crazy. And of course, Eli was still in high school and living at home with Kathy who had finally divorced Elliot seven years ago.

Still, it was Kathy who got the knock on her door this morning. She'd managed to notify all of the kids by early afternoon. Kathleen had come straight to SVU. She had been the one to keep up with Olivia on and off over the years. She never contacted her, but Olivia's life made the news more than most.

They'd all seen the news about Lewis, but no one dared bring it up. Elliot had been overseas at the time and didn't learn the details until months after Lewis was dead. But Kathleen had followed the trial, his escape, the whole ordeal. She'd wanted to reach out to Olivia back then, but didn't want to get in the middle of something that her dad seemed to want to leave in the past.

The whole conversation had been awkward but also not awkward at all. Typical Stabler, Liv thought to herself as she quickly hung up her coat. Then she headed toward the kitchen where she found Ed cleaning up the kids' dinner dishes.

"Kids are fed, bathed and Nicole's already in bed." Ed said over his should without stopping the task at hand. "I gave Noah 15 more minutes before lights out."

"Thanks," she said as she stepped up behind him and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

He dropped the sponge he was holding and reached for a towel to dry his hands. She snaked her arms around his waist, and he placed his now dry hands over hers. "Rough afternoon? Rollins said you had a late case." He could smell the bourbon on her breath.

"Not a case exactly." She took a deep breath. "Elliot's daughter, Kathleen, showed up at the precinct this afternoon."

That explained the bourbon. He lifted her arms from his torso and turned to face her. He let her arms settle back at his waist and let his hands slide lightly up and down her arms. She looked dead on her feet. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know what there is to say, Ed." She leaned into him and rested her chin on his shoulder. "It's just been an emotionally exhausting day."

"I hear you." He didn't want to push her. "Why don't you say goodnight to Noah and get changed. I'll make you a cup of tea."

"Sounds good," she sighed and headed down the hallway.

Olivia looked in on Nicole before stopping by Noah's room to see how his day was and say goodnight. Ten minutes later she stood under the hot stream of the shower. The day finally done.

In this quiet minute to herself she let a few stray tears fall. She didn't even know what she was mourning. She'd accepted the loss over a decade ago. Maybe it was just knowing there will never be a chance to see him again. Ever.

Her tears were a quiet acceptance of a wound ripped open yet again. After indulging her sorrow for a few more minutes, she pulled herself together and finished her shower.

Olivia pulled on her robe and stepped into the bedroom. Grabbing a t-shirt and pair of yoga pants from the dresser, she sat on the side of the bed willing herself to move. To do something, anything. Several minutes later, still in her robe, she found Ed sitting on the couch with a steaming cup of tea in front of him on the coffee table. He was idly flipping through his phone.

"Sorry you had to take care of everything tonight," she said reaching for her tea and sitting beside him.

"Liv, don't apologize." He reaches over and rubs her shoulder. "I get it."

 _No, you don't_ , she thought. It's not every day that your estranged partner of 12 years turns up dead. "I just can't believe he's gone. Kathleen is devastated. And from what she told me, so are the rest of the kids."

"Understandable." He could be so succinct sometimes it was unnerving. "Odd that she came to you even after all this time." He let his fingers slip into the neck of her shirt as he lightly massaged her neck.

"Yeah," she said with a slight huff, feeling some of the tension start to dissipate. "Can we please talk about something else? How was your day?" She took another sip of her tea before turning to face him.

"Honestly, it was pretty uneventful."

She rolled her eyes and leaned into him a little bit. Ed knew she was just trying to distract herself, so he filled her in on his day. His eyes twinkled with amusement as he informed her that Nicole apparently told her teacher and classmates that they should now address her as Princess Nikki.

She chuckled at the story, but her mind was obviously elsewhere. He didn't want to be bothered by how much Stabler still seemed to be able to affect her, but he was. It was stupid, but he was jealous of the corpse of a man who'd abandoned her without a trace over a decade ago.

He knew his wife loved him, but it was like she and Elliot had shared a bond beyond what he could comprehend. He pushed the feeling aside and told Liv that Nicole's ballet class was cancelled tomorrow because the teacher's sister had her baby.

"Maybe I can take the afternoon, off?" She said.

"I already made arrangements for her to go to aftercare at school."

"Oh, okay."

"I just figured it was easier."

"Sure, yeah." She fumbled for words. Just having him there to bear the burden of figuring out basic things like what to do with the kids was such a relief. She was so thankful that she had him in her life. He was the last person she expected to fall in love with, but here they were making it work.

He nudged her thigh with his. "Earth to Liv? You zoned out on me?"

"Was just thinking how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband." Olivia meant it. She might not know exactly how to talk to him about this, but she was glad just to have him there next to her.

Her smile almost reached her eyes. She was going to need some time to process, he decided. Then she'd be okay. He leaned closer and gave her a gentle, comforting kiss.

The next few weeks went by in a blur. Olivia met Kathleen and Liz for coffee. Twice. It was like she was some kind of tether to their father, and they couldn't let her go.

She knew Ed didn't really understand and that it bothered him more than he was letting on. But she couldn't help how she felt. And what she felt was sad and somewhat lost.

If she was honest with herself, Olivia was equally frustrated by her reaction. It was like she was mourning the loss of him all over again. Maybe she felt more than she "should," but it was what it was. Her years of life and therapy had taught her that it wasn't always possible to control your immediate emotional response to a situation.

She knew she needed to snap out of it. Instead she also found herself clinging to Elliot's daughters. In addition to their coffee meet ups, the Kathleen called her every few days. Sometimes just to chat. The other kids hadn't reached out, but Kathleen and Liz had seemingly become her new best friends.

They even tried to get Olivia to attend the funeral. She hadn't felt it would be appropriate, but she did find herself at his grave the following afternoon. Just to say goodbye.

Ed was worried. It wasn't just the time Olivia was spending with Elliot's kids, she was also becoming more and more distant from him. He'd heard her crying sometimes late at night when she must have thought he was asleep.

The first time it happened, he reached over and put his hand on her shoulder urging her into an embrace. It only took half a minute before she stifled her tears and excused herself to the bathroom. He'd heard the water running, then she was back. She silently got back into bed and turned onto her side facing away from him.

It was like she was just going through the motions with him and the kids, but she wasn't fully present. Even Noah had asked if she was okay, and Nicole seemed to be trying not to upset mommy, her usual protests about bath and bed times significantly reduced.

He was trying to be understanding. Really. But it was Elliot Stabler. He didn't think he'd ever have to deal with him again. Of course death in the line of duty meant he couldn't even hate the guy for it.

Olivia knew she was treading on thinning ice with Ed. He'd given her space to deal with this loss as she saw fit, but she could feel the space that had crept into their relationship. It wasn't crippling space. It was just enough that they both could feel it. She was emotionally withdrawn from him.

She didn't know how much more time she had before he called her on it. She dreaded that moment, and hoped she'd just snap out of it before it got to that point. She just didn't know how to explain it.

When the already planned camping trip for Ed and Noah arrived, Amanda wasn't subtle about offering to take Nicole for the night to give her boss a break. Ed had offered to postpone the whole weekend. Olivia refused to let this affect her any more than it already had and insisted they all keep their plans. She didn't refuse Amanda's offer, however. She could take one Thursday night sans family. Maybe she could use the solitude to get her head straight.

That was where she found herself the night Elliot showed up at her apartment.

*** Back in Liv's apartment with Elliot ***

Elliot had dropped his hold on her the second he knew that she knew who he was.

"Liv, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone else I could trust."

They stood there for a minute just staring at each other catching their breath.

 _He trusts her. So he ignores her as long as he'd known her, then blitz attacked her in her apartment._ She couldn't make sense of any of it. Hell, she was still trying to reconcile the fact that he was very much alive and standing in front of her. Much too close to her, in fact.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away from her. It wasn't a hard shove, just enough to get her point across. He backed off, but she continued to stare at him with an expression he couldn't quite make out. The longer the standstill continued, the more he feared that he was about to be punched or kicked out.

"Olivia." Her eyes flashed to his briefly. He knew he had only a few words to get her to let him stay and explain why he showed up like this. "It's my kids. The guys who did this…"

Looking at him once again, she shook her head, not sure what he was getting at.

"I think they're gonna go after my kids to get to me."

 **A/N:** Thanks for those of you who are giving this story a shot. Hopefully this and the next chapter will tie up some of the loose ends. I know I played a little loose with the FBI notification, but I figured it wasn't too far out there. And this really isn't a story about police procedure, it's about the characters. Next installment is well underway. In it we'll find out Elliot's motives for showing up the way he did.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 _"I think they're gonna go after my kids to get to me."_

Olivia just stared at Elliot. The whole ordeal of him shoving her into the wall and completely terrifying her had lasted maybe 90 seconds, but in the moment it felt like a lifetime. She was still trying to process that it was really him. Adrenaline was coursing through her, and she needed a minute to get her head straight.

Elliot was still unsure of how she was going to react to him suddenly reappearing after all these years. He definitely hadn't intended for it to go down the way it did. Now, her silence only fueled his worry. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she stepped around him and walked into the kitchen without saying a word or even making eye contact.

Not knowing what else to do, he followed, slowly. He found her pulling two rocks glasses and a bottle of what appeared to be bourbon from the top shelf of a corner cabinet. He thought she usually stuck to beer or wine, but clearly some things had changed. Then he saw a child's artwork on the fridge. Apparently a lot had changed.

Olivia poured them each a glass and watched him for a few seconds. She was still trying to catch her breath. What the hell was he thinking? What was she thinking for not kicking him out? _His kids._ Sonofabitch knew she'd be more likely to hear him out if it was for their sake, not his.

Using a bit more force than necessary, she sat his glass on the counter next to where Elliot had stopped. "You sonofabitch." Her voice was flat. She wasn't yelling but instead sounded eerily calm. It made Elliot even more uneasy.

"You have until I finish this drink to tell me what the hell gives you the right to break into my apartment, almost get yourself killed," she glanced down to what he assumed was a drop holster on her calf before she continued. "And then use your kids' safety to keep me from kicking your ass out or calling the police."

He gulped at that last comment. Would she really call the police? Would she actually have him arrested? He knew it was a long shot that she would even hear him out. Everything had happened so fast and not at all how he intended.

He looked down at the drink she'd offered him and was slightly puzzled by the disconnect between her words and her actions. She was pissed, and obviously didn't want him there, but she was offering him a drink?

"Whatever it is, Stabler, I imagine a little fortification won't hurt." She said by way of explanation. She took a long sip from her own glass then nodded at the now diminished level of liquid. "Get talking."

He hadn't missed the use of his last name. She was distancing herself. Not that he could blame her. "God Liv, I don't know where to start. I just, it's been so long, so much has…" He looked up at her before quickly averting his eyes again. "Then this case, the explosion. None of it was supposed to happen this way..." He was starting to ramble.

Hearing her nickname from him was a jolt, so it was with a heavy sigh she stopped him, "Your kids, that's what you came here about. That's what I'm willing to listen to." There was no anger in her voice, no detectable emotion at all. She took another sip dropping her glass level to half its original content.

He realized that while it appeared some aspects of Olivia Benson had changed, one had not. She wasn't going to give him one inch more than she'd agreed to. And it was obvious she felt that even that was more than he deserved.

"Since you thought I was dead; I gather you know a little bit about what happened."

She nodded, "And I've been in touch with Kathleen and Liz."

That got his attention. Had she reached out to his kids when she heard? Had they reached out to her?

"Kathleen came by the precinct after she heard." She said by way of explanation. "After the funeral, I've met her and Liz for coffee a couple times. They've grown into beautiful women."

"Did you, I mean the funeral, did you see the rest of them?"

She'd turned away from him, her hands resting on the kitchen counter. "I didn't go." Her voice took on that breathy quality it got when she was trying to hold back her emotion. It was the first sign of emotion she'd let slip since their conversation began.

He waited for her to continue. She didn't, so he finally spoke. "Liv, I gotta know. Are they okay?"

She sighed, "No, they think their father is dead." She spun back to look at him. She knew the words would hurt, but what was the point in sugar coating it. Knowing it would hurt was one thing. Seeing it in his eyes, she couldn't help but feel sympathy.

"Elliot," she said softly. "Why don't you just tell me the rest of what happened, and why you think your kids are in danger."

His jaw was clenching and his eyes were closed. He was trying to get his emotions under control. When he finally opened his eyes, he could see in hers that she would at least help him get word to the kids.

He started talking again, explaining what had happened in the past three weeks. Some of what he said she already knew. FBI undercover op, and he'd been made. When his CO found out his cover had been blown, he arranged for his "death." Elliot was obviously devastated that his kids thought he was dead.

She studied him as he spoke. He hadn't changed all that much. Older obviously, so was she, but he was the same Elliot. Broad shoulders, a few more lines around his eyes. He'd grown a weird goatee, but still Elliot. Her Elliot. She shook the thought and focused on his words.

He was in cop mode, just telling her basic facts. After two weeks of being shuffled from safe house to safe house, Elliot explained that realized that his CO was moving him because he was worried about him being found. When he tried to move Elliot out of state to Indiana, Elliot knew something more was up.

It was only after confronting his handler that he learned that they thought he'd been outed by someone from within the FBI. Until they knew for certain who it was, they wanted Elliot in official witness protection.

Elliot soon realized that if the rat was indeed FBI, they knew his real identity. The international trafficking ring they'd been investigating was known for using family members to get people to cooperate. Since Elliot couldn't contact his family directly without putting them at risk, he'd begged his boss to put a protective detail on them. As spread out as they were, that simply wasn't feasible. But they did say they would try to figure out a way to at least put them on alert to a possible threat.

Elliot had panicked. His hands were tied, but he couldn't just sit by and let these animals use his family to try and draw him out. If he couldn't trust the Bureau, he decided to turn to the only other person he fully trusted. Before they could get him on a plane from Albany to Indianapolis, Elliot has slipped his detail and caught the first train back to the city.

It took a little effort to track down her address, but Elliot was resourceful. He hadn't wanted to risk being seen or caught on some kind of elevator security surveillance, so he'd snuck in through a delivery entrance while the mailman had the door propped open.

He actually tried knocking first, but no one answered. So he took the stairs to the roof and used the fire escape to break into what turned out to be Noah's room. He had just stepped into the hallway when he heard Olivia open the front door.

"So that's what got us to this point." He said wrapping up his explanation.

"This point?" She'd been listening to him for at least ten uninterrupted minutes, her drink long forgotten. She was engrossed in the details of his situation, his kids, his being less than three feet away from her. It was odd how easy it was to let the past twelve years slip away and just see Elliot.

But that phrase, _that's what got us to this point,_ pushed a button and snapped her back to reality. What if Noah or Nicole had been with her? What if Ed had been? What if she'd had her service weapon on her. Things could have gone so differently. It could have been so much worse.

"So you thought it was good idea to wait in the dark and just ambush me." Now the emotion was evident in her voice. "Jeez, Elliot, I could have killed you!"

"I thought that's what you were going to do," he started. "It was dark, and when I saw you reach for your gun…"

"I wasn't even wearing it." She said as though it was obvious.

"I couldn't tell that. I saw your hand go to your holster," he was almost shouting now. "I just didn't want you to shoot me."

"What if one of the kids had been with me? What if Ed had been?" She shook her head.

"I don't know. I didn't know there would be..." He stopped as he took in what she'd said. Kids, so she had more than one. And Ed? Must be her husband? He didn't know what to say. She had every right to be furious. But he was beyond curious.

At the moment, Olivia was so angry she didn't trust herself to speak. She stared him down instead.

"Liv, I didn't know you have a family." He started. "I just needed to… My kids… You're the only…" He was starting to ramble again.

As usual, she saved him. "Elliot, stop."

He stopped talking and just watched her. Of course he didn't know she had a family. He didn't know anything about her anymore.

She shook her head trying not to let her thoughts derail. His kids needed to know he was still alive. If they truly were in danger, they should be warned. That was all this was. That was all it could be.

Did he know her as well as he thought? Would she still help him after all this time, after the way he'd left?

She cleared her throat bringing both of their attention back. "You keep mentioning that your kids are in danger. Are you sure these guys really know your true identity or have even figured out you have kids?" Her expression said that she was contemplating whether or not she willing to continue to listen.

He started to speak, but stopped. He didn't know what more to say. There was so much left unsaid between the two of them. They'd always had a knack for putting aside the fireworks to deal with whatever case or issue was truly important. Suddenly, she appeared to be doing just that.

"What is it you want me to do? I may be Captain now, but the FBI still doesn't report to SVU." She dropped the new title on purpose. Part of her wanted him to know that she'd found a way to thrive. Without him.

"Captain, huh?" Another part of her reveled in the pride she saw in his eyes when the realization of her words hit him. "I'm sure you've earned it."

He looked at her again. Captain. A husband and children. It seemed Olivia had finally gotten all she ever wanted. And he'd missed it. He wanted to know who this _Ed_ was and how many kids and what they were like. He wanted to know all of it. He wanted to know if she was finally happy.

She cocked her head and gave him a slight smirk. She knew his mind was racing once again trying to put together the all tiny pieces of her life that she'd let slip. She'd be damned if she was going to make it easy. Remembering her rule, she scooped up her glass and started to take the last sip urging him to quit staring and get on with it.

"Look," he stopped her. "I know it sounds crazy, but I know they are going to go after my kids. It's what they do Olivia." He was practically pleading.

"I get that Elliot. I really do." Her voice sounded marginally softer. "I just don't know what I can do."

"Warn them. At least tell them I'm alive." His desperation was evident, and she remembered how completely broken Kathleen and Liz were. She couldn't deny them the knowledge that the father they loved was alive.

She sighed and poured herself another drink. Elliot, who hadn't touched his at all, downed it in one swill and slid the glass to her. She gave him a hard stare before pouring him a refill.

Then Olivia surprised him by motioning toward the living room. In all honesty, it had been a long day and she couldn't take another minute on her feet. They'd been standing in the kitchen for almost half an hour.

For his part, Elliot didn't question. He simply followed once again, willing to take whatever he could get.

For a little while, they just sat on opposite ends of her couch in silence sipping their bourbon. When Elliot couldn't take it any longer, he spoke up. "So you drink bourbon now?"

"Ed likes it. It grew on me." She said, again with no offering of who Ed was or why that mattered. She wasn't sure why she bothered. She didn't owe him an explanation.

"Husband," he said. It was more of a statement than a question. "You've got kids, too, it seems?" Maybe that was what was leading her to help him. She has kids of her own, she understands his desperation to help his own. He was also really curious about her family.

"Two."

He started to ask their names, ages, anything to keep her talking.

She understood what he was doing, but she wasn't going to play catch up with him tonight. That wasn't going to happen. So she tried to move the conversation back to his original reason for showing up.

"I'll talk to Kathleen and Liz, and together we'll figure out how to get word to the rest of your kids and Kathy." Olivia was in pure cop boss mode.

His immense relief at that tiny little offering on her part was obvious. "Thanks, I know I have no right."

"You're right, you don't." Her voice had become flat again. After the past hour with him, she didn't have it in her to listen to him try to explain his twelve year absence. "Look Elliot, I agreed to talk to your girls because no one should have to live through the grief of losing a loved one who's not really lost."

The double entendre stung them both. She hadn't even intended it to come out that way, but the implication was immediately apparent when the color drained from his face. She wasn't sorry.

"This doesn't change anything between us." She wasn't pulling any punches.

He winced. "I get that, Liv. Really, I do." He looked like he was going to continue, but he stopped himself.

"What is it? What else do you want?" Her impatience was growing by the minute. She'd agreed to talk to his kids, now he needed to leave. She couldn't process him suddenly back in her living room having a conversation like nothing had changed when everything had.

"You must have connections. If you're captain? You know people?"

From almost anyone else she would have been shocked they had the balls, but this was Elliot Stabler. If she knew anything about him, it was his undying devotion to his kids. She also knew that it must have been really difficult for him to come to her, to ask for her help after the way things turned out for them.

"Please, Olivia. Please help me protect them."

She'd agreed to tell the girls and eventually the rest of his family. It was obvious he was certain of impending danger. She didn't have a clue what she could do, but she reluctantly agreed to think about it. He gave her a burner cell to give to Kathleen or Liz so he could contact them.

That was where they were when she stood indicating it was time for him to go. As he leaned forward to stand up, he caught a glimpse of the picture on the end table that had previously been hidden from his view. _Is that? No, it couldn_ _'_ _t be. Ed. Not_ that _Ed._

Noticing him freeze, Olivia followed his line of sight to the picture. She'd been hoping to avoid giving any more details about her own life. She just didn't want to get into that with him now. Maybe not ever.

She cleared her throat causing his attention to snap back to her. The look on his face was one of shock and disbelief. "That's Ed Tucker," his voice was barely audible.

She pursed her lips and let out a breath before looking him in the eye and saying, "My husband." She watched him try to process it. It would have been amusing if not for the current state of things.

He started to say something, but she stopped him. "Don't Elliot. I don't owe you an explanation."

He looked back at the picture. It was a candid selfie at what appeared to be a baseball game. He was smiling and she was looking at him not the camera. "I wasn't, I just. Wow."

She raised an eyebrow because they both knew that wasn't true and that he was dying to know how the hell she ended up married to Tucker. "Yes, I'm happy with him, and that's all you get about my personal life." She called over her shoulder as she walked toward the door.

Knowing the conversation was over he followed. He couldn't even process this new information and didn't want to piss her off by pushing it. She'd agreed to talk to his kids, and that was the most important thing.

"Liv, I don't know how I'll ever repay you."

"You can't," she said as she opened the door. She heard his sharp intake of breath at her words and let herself look him in the eye once again. She hated that she actually felt sympathy for him. "You should know by now that you don't have to repay me." _You never did._

He knew it wasn't forgiveness he saw in her expression, but she'd softened a tiny little bit. He started to reach for her arm as he thanked her, but he saw her tense and whatever softness he'd just seen vanished.

"I'll try to get ahold of Kathleen tonight, so we can meet up as soon as possible." They'd decided not to risk saying anything over the phone or having his kids at her home. He wanted to arrange to see them, but Liv convinced him to wait until she'd had a chance to talk to Kathleen. Then he could make whatever arrangements via the burn phone.

They needed to make sure that there wasn't a risk of him being seen. And she wasn't sure how much more she was willing to be involved. She just wanted to get the news and the phone to the girls. Then, if it became too much, she would at least know she had done right by the kids.

"Thank you." It was about the 100th time he'd said those words since she first agreed to help him. As far as he was concerned, it would never be enough.

She simply nodded and watched Elliot walk toward the back stairwell. Once he was out of sight, she shut the door and let her body sag against it. How was she going to explain all this to Ed?

A/N: Thanks again for those sticking with this one. I know where I plan for it to go, but your feedback helps me figure out exactly how I'm going to get there :) Sorry there wasn't much Tucson in this update, but I needed to get this scene and exposition out of the way so we can continue the story in the present. Next chapter, what will Liv tell Ed about her encounter with Elliot, and how will he respond?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

" _Liv, I don_ _'_ _t know how I_ _'_ _ll ever repay you._ _"_

" _You can_ _'t,"_ _she said as she opened the door. She heard his sharp intake of breath at her words and let herself look him in the eye once again. She hated that she actually felt sympathy for him._ _"_ _You should know that you don_ _'_ _t have to repay me._ _"_ _You never did._

Olivia had played their conversation over and over in her mind for the whole weekend. It was true, as much as she hated it. It was true. She couldn't imagine not helping him. No matter what he'd done, no matter how long it had been. He was Elliot. She was Olivia. Their relationship was beyond explanation.

Now, here she sat, waiting for her guys to get home from their camping and fishing trip. Ed had called a couple hours ago when they hit the highway, letting her know that they'd be home by 8pm. How was she going to explain what happened?

Even though it was just 7:30, Nicole was already in bed. They'd had such a full day on Saturday. Amanda and Jesse met them for tea at the American Doll store, and each girl picked out a new outfit for their dolls. Both women thought the dolls were too expensive for such little girls, but Don Cragen was a hard man to say no to. They didn't see him as often as they'd have liked to, but he made it a point to be a presence in their lives and that of their kids.

After tea and shopping, they all got manicures. Then it was dinner at the girls' favorite pizzeria before a Disney princess movie. It was almost 9 when Olivia and Nicole had finally gotten home on Saturday, but despite the late bedtime, Nicole had been up early on Sunday. She'd also been a bit of a pill all day, so when Olivia saw her yawning after dinner, she moved bath time up and got her into bed early. The little girl had barely gotten her jammies on and climbed under the covers before she was out like a light.

Olivia hadn't realized how welcome the distraction had been until she was once again left alone. The whole weekend had been exhausting, and not just the girls' day out. Thursday night after Elliot left, she'd texted Kathleen and Liz asking if they could meet her first thing in the morning.

Liz had an early meeting with her boss that she couldn't get out of, but Kathleen said she could meet her. Not wanting to raise suspicion, Olivia arranged to meet her at a coffee shop in midtown at 7am. Kathleen seemed to know something was up, but hadn't asked anything while they ordered and waited for their coffees.

She was a little surprised when Olivia directed them to the park across the street rather than one of the many open tables inside. The light drizzle had stopped, but it was still damp and a little chilly.

Leading them to a bench, Olivia sat down and tried to figure out what to say. When she finally spoke, her voice wavered, "Kathleen, I don't even know where to start."

"What is it, Liv? Is everything okay?" Kathleen couldn't recall ever seeing Olivia this flummoxed.

"It's about your dad." She took a deep breath and looked her former partner's daughter right in the eye. Then she leaned forward, her voice almost a whisper as emotion choked her. "Honey, your dad's alive."

The cup of coffee fell from Kathleen's hand. The lid flew off and milky brown liquid splashed both of their shoes. For a minute they both just watched the coffee run off the sidewalk into the grass. Olivia wanted to give her time to let the information settle in.

"What? How? What the hell?" She was shaking her head from side to side. Her hands were trembling. Nothing was real.

"Kathleen," Olivia said quietly as she placed her hand on the young woman's forearm. "Listen to me, I know this doesn't make any sense right now, but it's true. The FBI staged your dad's death because he was being hunted by some very bad people." She'd reverted to thinking of Kathleen as a kid. A kid who needed her protection.

Over the next hour, Olivia filled Kathleen in on what she knew, Elliot's concern for all of their safety, and gave her the burner cell. She explained the importance of not telling her other siblings over the phone, and Kathleen talked through how she could reach out to each of them. Unfortunately, Dick had already gone back to Denver, so letting him know was going to be a bit more of a challenge.

Kathleen had been crying through their entire conversation. She was so happy to learn that her father was alive, but part of her was angry that she'd been put through that. It had taken everything in Olivia to defend Elliot to his daughter, but the truth was that it wasn't Elliot's fault. He hadn't been in control, and as soon as he'd been able, he made contact. Kathleen understood, but she was still pissed at the FBI, the traffickers, everyone.

Olivia had watched as she rushed off to tell her family the good news. She could only hope this would all work out and that Elliot was wrong about the kids being possible targets.

Now, as Olivia waited for Ed and Noah to get home, she continued to let her mind wander through the events of the weekend. She'd talked to both Kathleen and Liz on the phone earlier that day.

It was hard to talk without letting slip the recent good news, but Elliot had insisted that none of them speak about him being alive on the phone. He was almost paranoid, but they had to defer to him because none of them knew the perps like he did. If someone in the FBI was involved, they had to take every precaution.

Through a very cryptic conversation, Olivia learned that Kathleen had spoken to him on the phone he gave her and arranged for him to call again when she was at Kathy's with everyone but Dick. They'd managed to get word to him, too, through a new social media app that was popular among the high school crowd.

He used it to talk to Mo's oldest son, Rider. Mo, posing as the young teen sent a message to her brother to call on a new number from someone else's cell. Dick thought it was strange, but when she said that "mom" said to because an old partner was back, he somehow knew it was Olivia. And he knew that it was something important.

Olivia was still trying to figure out next steps or if there were any for her, when she heard a commotion in the hallway outside the door. Seconds later, Ed and Noah burst in laden with backpacks and jackets.

"Shh, Nik's asleep." She cautioned as she rushed over to give them both a hug. "How was your trip?" Ed wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave a tight squeeze as he kissed her temple. She leaned into his side and reached her other hand up to grasp his hand that was resting on her shoulder.

Noah excitedly started telling her all about the fish he'd caught and how Ed showed him how to find deer tracks in the woods. Keeping contact with Ed, she ushered them into the kitchen to put more distance between their lively conversation and the sleeping princess.

They ended up sprawled around the kitchen table. Ed chimed in now and then to fill in some details or correct Noah's exaggerated story-telling. All the while, he noticed that there was definitely something up with his wife. She was clearly enjoying hearing about their adventure, but there was something behind her eyes that made him nervous.

When they'd left for the weekend, Ed had been worried. Things hadn't been the same between him and Liv since Stabler's death. She'd obviously struggled with the news, and for whatever reason, didn't feel like she could share that struggle with him. It had hurt, but he tried to give her space.

What he saw now, however, was different. He knew there was something she needed to tell him, but she was just enjoying her son and a few more moments before they were alone. It was like things were back to normal but not.

It was after nine when Noah was finally in bed. Olivia had ushered him through the process while Ed took the rest of the camping gear from the car to their storage closet in their building's basement. Now she sat on the couch with a cup of tea waiting for him to get out of the shower.

She heard the water shut off and him rustling around in the bedroom. A few minutes later, he winked at her as he walked through the living room into the kitchen. She smiled to herself. Ed Tucker winking at her never got old.

He returned with a bottle of bourbon and two glasses. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Whatever it is, I can tell it's going to take a little fortification."

If she wasn't so keyed up with the news she was about to lay on him, she would have laughed at the parallel. She'd said almost the exact same words to Elliot just three nights before. Six years of marriage, and he'd definitely rubbed off her.

He saw the smile play at the corners of her mouth and relaxed a little. The light was back in her eyes. There was something else there, too, but his Liv was back.

She let him take the tea cup from her hand and replace it with a glass of bourbon. "Welcome home," she said as they clinked glasses. They each took a drink. He sat his glass on the coffee table and turned toward her. She took another small sip and let the glass rest on the back of the couch.

"I missed you. We both did." He leaned forward and kissed her lightly. She was the one who deepened the kiss. She needed the comfort of knowing he was home because he was her home.

He broke the kiss to reach for her glass and set it next to his. Then he reached up to run his thumb over her cheek. "What happened? What is it that you need to tell me?"

She almost smiled at how well he'd come to know her. It was comforting, and she wanted that feeling to last just a little while longer. "Just one more minute," she pressed her lips to his once again.

He could feel the need in her kiss. Not one of lust, just a need for him. Even after more than five years of marriage, it was rare that Olivia showed that much vulnerability, so he wasn't about to stop her. He ran his fingers through her hair and cupped the back of her head. His other hand ran down her spine before settling at her waist.

They finally broke the kiss. He moved his hand from her waist to her calf and pulled her toward him so that he was leaning against the back of the couch and she was almost in his lap with her side resting in the crook of his shoulder.

She rested her forehead on his. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me, too." He wanted to ask her what was going on. She was never this clingy. Affection, yes, but there was something else going on here. It made him nervous, but he trusted his wife. He didn't want to push her and risk sending her back to wherever she'd been for the past few weeks.

"Ed, I have some news." She straightened up, pulling back so she could look at him. He could see the hesitation. He could feel it.

"Liv, whatever it is. It can't be that bad." He ran his hand from her waist to let it rest on her outer thigh.

She took a breath. "Elliot's not dead. He showed up here Thursday night."

It took everything in him not to shove her off of him and bolt up. "Stabler? What the hell?"

She felt his body tense up. "Ed, let me explain."

He wanted to hear her out. He did. But her words kept sinking in. Elliot Stabler, presumed dead. Elliot Stabler who'd abandoned Olivia after 12 years of partnership. Elliot Stabler who had wormed his way into their relationship three weeks ago.

Even though she rarely talked about him, he knew she'd been deeply hurt by the way he left and that her feeling for him were complicated. He knew that mostly because she refused to talk about him. It had taken awhile, but she'd eventually opened up to him about Lewis, Harris, Utley, her mother, Ellie Porter, the list of hurt in her life wasn't short. But Stabler, he had always remained off limits.

He knew that somewhere inside her mind there was a little box that held her memories of and feelings about her former partner. It was a place that no saw or would likely ever see. Ed just accepted that the man was gone for good, and Olivia was _his_ wife.

When Stabler "died" it had shaken that unspoken agreement. It was the most upset he'd seen her since they'd been a couple, but because of who it was, she wouldn't let him in. It annoyed him, but he'd tried to be understanding because a man had died. And whether or not Ed liked him, he had a family and had supposedly been a good cop despite his temper and rule-breaking attitude.

This, however, was different.

Olivia watched her husband process the information. Elliot had always been a touchy subject for them. Her iciness and refusal to engage had eventually convinced him to never bring it up. Until the day he told her about her former partner's "death." Now, he was very much back and needed her help. She knew it was going to be a battle with Ed, she just wasn't sure how big.

"Ed, just let me tell you what happened? What he needs?"

That did it. He finally lost his cool. He pushed her legs to the side and abruptly stood up. He grabbed his glass from the coffee table and walked over to the window. Theirs was a relatively quiet street. He just stared into the dark city night and tried to get his anger and frustration under control, so he could hear her out. He didn't want to launch an all out war, but whatever Stabler wanted from Olivia, Ed was determined to deny him.

She gave him a few minutes. They had a good relationship. It wasn't without challenges, but they had a mutual respect. They were both mature enough to just talk through anything that came up rather than harboring resentments or letting issues fester. They also knew when to give the other space.

Ed had been quite understanding the last few weeks. He'd given her plenty of space while also making sure she knew he was there if she did want to talk. Even when she couldn't or wouldn't talk, he'd been there taking care of the kids and her. He'd been giving her time, she realized, but he'd eventually expected her to either talk to him or snap out of it. Now she was throwing the wrench of all wrenches into their lives.

"Whatever it is, Olivia. Whatever he wants." He was still staring out the window. His voice, cold and even, reminded her of the old days. "He doesn't get it. You can't let him drag you into it."

She was still sitting on the couch when he'd finally spoke. His words hit her like bullets. That wasn't something they'd ever done. They never told each other what they could and couldn't do. They'd always had a mutual trust and gave each other the benefit of the doubt.

"He doesn't get it." Ed repeated firmly turning his head just slightly in her direction.

"Ed," she began as she stood and moved to stand just behind him.

"No, Liv. Don't try to justify whatever he's asked you to do."

"I'll already did it, Ed."

With that, he turned on her. "You what?" His voice was so quiet and controlled it scared her. His eyes just bored into her. It almost reminded her of the moment from years ago when he'd told her DNA had confirmed she was a murderer. She shivered.

"Ed, please just sit down." She kept using his name when she spoke, trying to get him to focus on her and not the thoughts that must be running through his mind. "Let me explain."

He was so angry he could barely look at her, but he knew they had to talk about it eventually. Since she'd apparently already done something to help Stabler, he needed to know what it was and how it might impact their family. So he used every ounce of discipline he had to will himself back over to the couch and hear her out.

Olivia knew that she was barely treading water with him right now, so when she sat down to join him she took a deep breath before she began. "Look, he just was here when I got home Thursday night. His boss thinks there's a mole within his FBI unit…" She went on to explain all that she now knew. How she'd told Kathleen and eventually gotten word to Elliot's other kids.

Ed's entire body was one, big mass of tension. It took everything in him to just listen to her words and not interrupt with all the reasons that this was so screwed up.

When she finally finished. She looked up at him with apology and defiance in her eyes. Only Olivia Benson could manage such a contradiction.

Part of him had hated that she kept her name. Part of him understood. It was just easier professionally at this point, but it had taken him a while to accept. Now it made even more sense, because someone who would become Olivia Tucker, wouldn't be in this situation. This was all Benson. Badass freaking Benson. He loved her with every fiber of his being, but right now he wanted to throttle her.

"I know you're upset. You have every right to be." She just hoped he would eventually understand. "I couldn't let his kids go on thinking he was dead. And if they are in danger, they should at least know."

He sighed and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. His head hung low and his hands were clasped in front of him. He kept telling himself it wasn't his wife's fault. It was Stabler's. But he was still so angry at them both.

"Talk to me, Ed. Please."

"I honestly don't know what to say." He angled his head slightly so he could see her profile, but he refused to look her in the eye at first.

When his eyes finally did reach hers, she knew they were okay. He was definitely pissed, but they were okay.

"I just need a minute." With that he stood and walked toward their bedroom.

Olivia watched him go, part of her wishing that she could go back to a month ago and somehow prevent any of this from happening. Another part of her was still reeling from Elliot's death, "un-death" and sudden return. She needed Ed to be with her on this. She huffed at the thought. She didn't even know what _this_ was or was going to be.

By the time Ed got out of the shower, she was already in bed. Waiting. He'd been in there for over half an hour.

He studied her for a minute before heading to the dresser to grab a pair of boxers. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she was awake. They never went to bed with something hanging between them. They might not be able to resolve it before bed, but they always managed to remind each other that no matter what was up, they were in it together and that wouldn't change.

Olivia listened as he went through his night time routine. Several minutes later, she felt the bed shift as he climbed in next to her. More than anything she wanted to roll onto him and feel the comfort of his arms around her. She stayed still, but opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling above them.

"Liv," he said softly. His hand snaked over and found her elbow. He tugged lightly, then slid his hand down her arm to grab her hand. "I can't say I understand. I definitely don't want this to go any further, you helping him."

She sighed, "Ed," she started to interrupt.

"Wait. I don't want to talk about it tonight. It's late. We've both had a long day." He huffed, "A long month."

She squeezed his hand before turning on her side to face him. "Yeah."

"We both need a good night's sleep. Nothing will change between now and tomorrow morning." He reached across his body to pull her toward him.

She scooted marginally closer. "I didn't mean for this," she said softly.

"I know." He pulled her arm across him urging her onto him.

She sighed and let her head rest on his bare chest and draped one of her legs over his. He wrapped his arms around her and lightly stroked her hair.

"We're okay?"

He was shocked by the fear he heard in her voice. They'd been through some rough times. She'd stood by him when no one else would. He might not be happy with Stabler's sudden intrusion into their lives, but that didn't change them, their family.

"Hey." He nudged her chin with his thumb encouraging her to lift her head to look at him. "Of course, we're okay. I may not be happy with all that's happened, but it doesn't change us."

He felt her fully relax then. Her chin rested on his chest and she just watched him for a moment.

"I love you." She pushed herself up just a bit so she could press a kiss to his lips.

"Love you, too." He murmured against her mouth.

Olivia knew this wasn't the end of the conversation about Elliot, but she felt so much better. She'd spent the better part of the weekend imaging worst case reactions from him. Yes, Ed was angry, but he was here, holding her, telling her they were okay.

Hopefully, that wouldn't change when she told him her plan.

A/N: I was so nervous when I started this story - it's the first I've ever published. So thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has taken time to read and review. Next we find out what Liv has planned and Ed's continued reaction to the situation. I hope it continues to live up to your expectations.

Speaking of expectations, what scenes do you want to see? More with Elliot's kids? More Tuckson domestic? More Ed and Liv? El and Liv? Ed and El?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

" _I love you." She pushed herself up just a bit so she could press a kiss to his lips._

" _Love you, too." He murmured against her mouth._

 _Olivia knew this wasn't the end of the conversation about Elliot, but she felt so much better. She'd spent the better part of the weekend imaging worst case reactions from him. Yes, Ed was angry, but he was here, holding her, telling her they were okay._

 _Hopefully, that wouldn't change when she told him her plan._

Ed had been awake for almost an hour just watching Olivia sleep, letting everything she'd told him filter through his mind. Elliot Stabler, seemingly back from the dead, had shown up at his home and asked his wife for help. Did Liv even tell him they were married? Did he have any idea what he was asking her to risk?

If these men were as dangerous as Elliot implied, then was Ed and Olivia's family now in danger? The more Liv pushed to get involved the worse it would be.

Their relationship wasn't one that allowed for telling each other what to do. Neither would stand for it. But he felt very strongly about this. He did not want her getting involved any more than she already was.

Just then, she stirred. "Nik" She muttered as she rolled off of him and out of the bed.

He didn't know how she knew, but two seconds later, Nicole was at their door. _Mother's intuition,_ he mused. Their conversation would have to wait.

"Hey princess," she said softly. "You're up early." It was barely 6:00am. She knew Ed thought it was some kind of mom thing. In reality, she'd heard the little girl's door open and her padded steps down the hallway. That was a mom thing though, being tuned into the slightest noise her kids made even in sleep.

"Mommy, I don't feel good."

That got Ed up, too. "What's wrong, baby?" He said, approaching his girls and giving Liv a look of concern.

"My tummy hurts."

Olivia lifted the girl into her arms. Just then, Nicole threw up. The projectile kind.

Tough as he was, Ed did not deal well with vomit. He could do diapers, he could do blood, he could do tears. But this was one thing that got to him. He turned away quickly and blinked his watering eyes.

Nicole started sniffling, and Olivia knew a full on wail was coming. "Baby, baby, it's okay," Olivia cooed. "It's all out of your system now." She started walking them toward the bathroom, so she could get the two of them cleaned up.

Meanwhile, Ed headed toward the hall closet to get something to clean up the mess. He might not handle the event well, but he could do clean up.

A few minutes later, he found Olivia and Nicole in their daughter's bedroom. Olivia was stroking Nicole's hair away from her face speaking soft, comforting words to the girl.

Ed brought a little bucket over, to hopefully avoid a future mishap. He and Liv exchanged a look. One of them would have to stay home. Just then, Noah, walked in. Usually, they had to pry Noah out of bed, but he'd heard the commotion of the morning and wanted to see what was going on.

"Noah, you're sister's not feeling well." Liv told him. "Let daddy get you breakfast, don't want you to get sick, too."

"Okay," he shrugged. "Sorry, Nik." And he left the room.

Ed kissed Nicole's forehead before heading after Noah to get him breakfast. "I'll get him to school, if you can stay here."

"Yeah, I'll see if Melody can come. If not, I can stay."

"Okay, let me know if you need anything."

Olivia had finally managed to get Nicole to take a nap. The poor girl had been sick all morning. She couldn't keep anything down. Not even ginger ale or water.

Now she sat alone in their living room, trying to figure out how to deal with Elliot. She'd done all she could. At least that's what she told herself. She hadn't heard from any Stabler since yesterday morning. She'd planned to call her most trusted contact at the FBI today, but she promised Ed that she wouldn't do anything from their home.

The shrill ring of her cell grabbed her attention. "Benson." She answered, not looking at the caller ID.

"Um, Olivia Benson?"

"Yes."

"It's Candace Miller."

Olivia took a minute to recognize the secretary at her son's school. "Miss Miller, what's wrong? Is Noah okay?"

"He's fine, Ms. Benson." The woman immediately consoled. "I think he's got whatever bug is going around. He got sick right after lunch."

Ugh. Olivia had her hands full with one sick kid, a squad to run and total chaos thanks to Elliot. "Thanks for calling Miss Miller. I'm home with his sister, who's also not well."

"Oh my," the woman replied. "Can you send someone to get Noah?"

"Yeah," Liv sighed. "Someone will be there in half an hour. He'll be okay til then?"

"Of course, Ms. Benson, we'll let him stay in the infirmary until you're able to pick him up."

As soon as she hung up, Liv called Ed. He was the first choice to get Noah. With both of their schedules being somewhat unpredictable, they had a list of alternates approved to retrieve their children from school. There was the part-time nanny, Barba's mom, Amanda, if she wasn't caught up in paperwork with Liv's absence. But if Noah was sick, he'd want Ed or Liv.

Luckily, Ed didn't have anything he couldn't get out of for the rest of the afternoon. So an hour later, he showed up at their apartment with a slightly green looking Noah.

As soon as they walked in the door, Liv jumped from the couch. Ed gave her an exasperated look.

"Thanks for picking him up, if you need to go back to work, I'm covered."

He looked at his watch, it was already after 3pm. "Nah, if they need me, they know where to find me."

"I hope it's just a 24-hour thing," she sighed.

"Me too." He made a funny face letting her know that his aversion to kids hurling hadn't changed in the past few hours.

Finally, both kids were tucked into bed. Nicole hadn't thrown up for a while, but Noah was still struggling. Every half hour or so, he'd call to his mom.

"I think he's finally done," Liv said as she joined Ed on the couch. "They're both asleep."

He sighed. It was just after 8pm. Neither of them had eaten or taken a break all evening.

"Wanna grab a shower?" She asked him.

He did, desperately, but she'd been at this longer. "You can go ahead."

"We could go together." she said with a sly smile.

He popped his eyes up to hers. It had been a little while. Recent events had kept them apart in more ways than one.

"If that's an invitation?"

She didn't respond other than to give him a smirk as she stood and headed toward their bedroom. He shook his head slightly. Man, he'd missed his wife.

"Mommy?"

Olivia stirred at the sudden intrusion on her sleep. "Yes, baby?" She started to get up.

She felt Ed's arm hold her to him, and it was only then she realized that they were both still naked. Since the kids had gotten older, they usually tried to somewhat redress after sex or at least keep clothing nearby. But last night had been the first time in a few weeks, unusual for them. They started in the shower and continued in a frenzied manor to their bed. Clothes never seemed to come back into the picture.

"Noah," Ed said. "You okay, bud?"

"Yeah, dad, I just…"

Liv looked at the clock, it was 3:30am. "Honey, what are you doing up?"

"I'm hungry." The boy said as though it was obvious.

"Okay, sweet boy," He rolled his eyes at being called sweet.

Ed smiled. "Go on down to the kitchen, buddy. We'll be there in a minute."

The boy gave his parents a quick nod, then headed toward the kitchen.

Olivia dropped her head to her husband's shoulder and chucked a bit. "I've got it." She whispered, snagging her robe and following their son.

Ed waited a minute before grabbing his shorts and joining them. He found them at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. Olivia was giving Noah some applesauce and ginger ale.

"Hey, guys."

"Sorry, dad." Noah seemed genuinely apologetic.

"For what, kiddo?"

"You had to leave work early. Then I woke you up in the middle of the night." Noah had always had a sensitivity for other people. If he didn't know better, Ed would assume he'd inherited it from Liv. Regardless of genetics, she had definitely instilled in him empathy and caring.

Ed lightly jabbed Noah's shoulder, "Hey, pal, I'll never be upset with you for getting me out of work early."

Noah lightened up a little at that.

"But, waking me up… That must be punished." There was humor in his voice that betrayed the words.

Noah, realizing what was about to happen, ducked behind his mother's chair. Liv chuckled as Ed pounced. "I can't help you, bud."

Ed reached around her and grabbed Noah. He didn't tickle the kid, because he wasn't sure that the stomach flu was completely gone. Instead, he just snagged Noah off his feet and onto his mother's lap.

"I love you both, so much."

"Da-d," Noah said rolling his eyes at the sudden sentimental turn in their late night conversation.

Just then, Nicole dragged into the room rubbing her eyes and watching the three of them. "Mommy? Daddy?"

"Hey, Nik," said Noah. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry."

Noah handed her his half eaten applesauce.

Ed caught Olivia's eye and smiled. He knew she'd worried about her kids' genes and how they would impact their personalities and development. Seeing Noah and Nicole be so caring toward each other made them both happy.

Liv went to get Nicole her own ginger ale, and the four of them sat around the table at 4am eating applesauce, sipping ginger ale and teasing each other.

•••

It was after five in the morning before they all got back to bed. Olivia had to attend a hearing at 10am, so Ed said he'd stay home with the kids until the nanny arrived. Even though they were feeling better, everyone had been up half the night, and Noah's school had a policy that anyone who went home sick couldn't come back for 24 hours. While it made sense from a not spreading contagious illnesses perspective, it wasn't always convenient.

Olivia called Amanda to let her know that she wouldn't be after court unless something major came up. Never in a million years would Olivia have thought she would choose Amanda for her number two, or that she would last so long. But after Liv got Captain, Carisi had left for a couple years to pursue life as a lawyer. Fin hung around, but refused to seek advancement.

Other detectives came and went, but Rollins and Fin stuck it out with her, and Carisi came back. When Amanda came to her and said she wanted to take the Sergeant's exam, she was surprised. But Amanda explained that she wanted to make something more for her and Jesse, and she knew she needed to move up in the ranks in order to do so.

Amanda and Olivia ended up working really well together. They were enough alike but different to make a good leadership team. Now, Olivia couldn't imagine functioning without her number two.

It was well after lunchtime when Olivia finally got home. She found Ed sitting on the couch watching some new talk show called Ice and Coco. Apparently, he decided to stay with the kids himself.

"Really?" She needled him.

"Hey, it's good." He defended. "They're real people, at least."

She just shook her head as she took off her jacket and hung it on one of the hooks near the door. "Okay, babe, whatever you say."

"How are the kids?" She asked as she sat next to him, burrowing in.

"They're fine. No one threw up again, thank God."

She laughed at him.

"I thought you'd call Melody, so you could go in to work?"

"I hate leaving them without one of us when they're sick, and it was looking to be a slow day anyway."

She dropped onto the couch next to him and linked her arm through his letting her head rest on his shoulder.

"They both seemed a little wimpy still. Neither had much of an appetite, but I got them to eat some bananas and applesauce for lunch, and then some rice a bit ago."

"Thank you."

"For what? I'm their dad, it's what I do." He mocked her just a bit.

"I know." She was serious. "You're a great father. They're both so lucky to have you."

"Liv…," he began. He worked hard to be a good father and husband, but he didn't want to be acknowledge for it. Seeing them happy and healthy was all he needed.

She stopped him with a finger to his lips. "Ed, I mean it." She found the modesty endearing, and it's not like she was one who took compliments well either. But sometimes, you just needed to tell someone they're appreciated.

"Okay, okay," he said with a sly grin. "I'm father of the year."

She laughed as she got up to check on the kids. She found them snuggled up on their parents' bed watching some cartoon, so she let them be. They had some time before they needed to start working on dinner.

When she returned to the living room, she noticed the TV was off. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for what she knew was coming.

"Liv, I want to talk about the Stabler thing." He saw her blow a breath through her lips, a calming technique she'd picked up years ago. "We never really finished talking about it, and there's more I have to say."

"Okay." She sat next to him but left some space. "What is it you want to talk about?"

"I don't think you should be involved anymore." Before she could interrupt he continued, "You gave his kids the good news. You passed along the burner cell. If these people are really as vicious as he believes them to be, I don't want you involved."

He said it with such finality, it irked her. She respected his concern for her and their family, but there were other families involved. Children. Elliot's grandchildren.

"Ed." She took another deep breath before she continued, "I understand you're concerned, but I can't just decide I won't do any more to help."

"Olivia."

"Wait a minute. You have to let me finish before you tell me you disagree."

They went back and forth for almost half an hour with Liv explaining that at the moment she didn't have anything planned. But if Elliot or one of the kids contacted her and needed something, she couldn't just tell them no. Ed didn't like it at all. He saw it more black and white. She didn't mention her plan to contact her friend at the FBI. She'd wait until she knew if he could even help before she brought that up.

"Olivia, I just don't understand your loyalty to him. He walked out of your life after twelve years without so much as a goodbye. Then he shows up as many years later and you're willing to put yourself at risk, our kids?"

"Wait just a minute," she was getting more and more frustrated. "Who said anything about the kids, our kids, being in danger?"

"Stabler said that's what these people do. If they some how find out you're involved, what's to stop them?"

She didn't know what to say. "I don't expect it to come to that."

"Yeah, well, I'm sure he didn't either."

Finally, they agreed to disagree. But Olivia promised that if something came up, she would discuss it with him before doing anything. She wasn't sure that would be entirely possible, but she didn't say that part out loud. And she would make every attempt to follow through. If something came up that was an emergency, she'd figure out how to deal with it then.

The kids had been a little more wired than usual after two days of extra sleep and finally feeling better, so it was a bit later than normal when everyone finally got to bed. By the time Ed and Liv fell into bed it was after 11pm, and they were both feeling the effects of limited sleep and crazy schedules.

They were laying on their sides with him wrapped around her. His chin rested on her shoulder and his arm had her tucked into him tightly.

"You never answered my question," his voice was low betraying more emotion than he'd preferred.

"What question?" The fatigue was evident in her voice.

"Why after all these years, after all that happened between you two, you're so willing to help Stabler?"

She sighed. Olivia knew that Ed never liked Elliot, and there was no love lost the other way either. Now, in her current life, it did seem that Elliot didn't deserve her help. But that's just not who she was. That's not who they were. She had no idea how to explain that to someone outside.

When she didn't say anything for several minutes, Ed wondered if she was just going to ignore the question. Or try to. He didn't intend to let her off that easy. He nudged her lightly.

"I don't know how to explain it, but the best way I know how is that it's who I am. I would never refuse to help someone if I could. It doesn't matter what was in the past, those kids and their kids don't deserve to suffer because their father and I are no longer…," she almost said together, but caught herself. "Partners." She wasn't sure she was making any sense at all.

"Fine, but why does it have to be you? Doesn't the man have other friends?" He'd caught her almost slip, but wasn't sure he could open that can of worms tonight.

"I don't know that either, but I know that it must have been incredibly difficult for him to ask for my help. And if he did, then it must be because he thought I was the only one he could trust."

"Listen to yourself. I always thought you two were too close when you were partners, but you still sound almost co-dependent. You're making excuses for him."

"I know."

"It's not healthy. For you or for us."

That shocked her. She abruptly pulled out of his grasp and rolled onto her back so she could look him in the eye.

He propped himself up on his elbow and studied her face. She had to understand how he felt about this. For the past 15 minutes, he'd been listening to his wife justify a deep connection with another man. He thought he was taking it all pretty well, but he wasn't going to sugar coat his feelings about it.

"Ed, you have to know that it's not about Elliot. It's just his children. It's not what you think with him. It never was."

"Wasn't it?"

Did he really think that? She was getting annoyed now. It had been quite a feat for Tucker and Benson to get over their past, she didn't want to dredge it back up because of Elliot.

"I don't want to have this conversation with you right now."

"Right now, or ever?"

"Ever, if this is how it's going to go."

"Okay, different question."

She waited not sure she'd want to have this new conversation either.

"What happens when this is over. Assuming things work out. Are you going to stay in touch with them? With him?"

Shit. That wasn't what she was expecting. She had no answer. When she thought Elliot was dead, she assumed that the girls would eventually call her less and less and drift back out of her life. Then with Elliot's reappearance, she was only thinking of the immediate situation.

"You don't have an answer to that, do you?" Now he was the one void of emotion. He wasn't mad, he wasn't anything. If she could see his expression more clearly in the darkened room, she would see it was one of resignation. She had to say something.

"If he'd shown up under other circumstances, I probably would have kicked him out within 30 seconds. He was clearly able to track me down, so he could have done so anytime during the past twelve years. I imagine after this is over, he'll go right back to wherever he was before all this started."

He listened and heard resignation in her voice as well. He hated that he worried she would miss Stabler if and when he disappeared again. He wondered if she felt just as out of control as he did. He nudged her back onto her side and wrapped her up in him once again.

He might not understand. It might worry and even anger him, but they had to figure out how to deal with this intrusion. As far as he was concerned, not dealing with it, not talking about it, wasn't an option. That'd be difficult since she seemed so closed off about it. Sure she'd said a fair amount tonight, but it didn't reveal much about how she was really feeling. That's why he was surprised when she broken the silence.

"I don't know how to explain. For a long time, Elliot was everything to me." She paused for minute, hoping she was doing the right thing. She hadn't even admitted some of this to herself, much less another human being. Even Dr. Lindstrom.

Ed held a breath as he waited for her to continue. He guessed it was easier to talk about when she didn't have to look him in the eye.

"He taught me, supported me, angered the hell out of me." She almost laughed with that last one. Benson and Stabler fights were notorious. "But at the end of the day, he was the one constant in my life for a very long time. Then, he was just gone."

Now Ed was the one who was glad they weren't face to face. He didn't want to know if he'd see tears in her eyes. It might make him a prick, but he didn't want to know.

"I don't know that I ever stopped wondering what would happen if he came back. It was just always a possibility. Then when you told me he died, that possibility was taken away. And I had to mourn the sonofabitch all over again."

The sonofabitch comment earned her a little squeeze.

"When he was suddenly here in our apartment, I was just relieved he's not dead. Pissed that he thought it was okay to show up that way. But still relieved. It wasn't a question for me whether or not I'd help him."

He wanted to say something that would encourage her to keep talking. In their entire marriage, she'd never opened up this much about the enigma that was her former partner and their complicated relationship. But he had no idea what to say.

"I'm sorry, Ed. Part of me wishes he'd just stayed out of my life, but part of me doesn't. I don't mean for that to hurt you, and it doesn't change the fact that you're my husband. That we have a beautiful family."

"I know that, Liv."

"I need a little leeway here, but I don't want you to ever feel like I'm disrespecting our relationship or your role as my husband."

"I don't."

"Ed…"

"Okay, maybe it's tempting to feel that way, but I know it's not your intent."

"We just have to keep being open and honest about this."

That earned an outright laugh from him.

"What?" She lightly elbowed him in the ribs.

" _You_ telling _me_ we have to be open?"

She smiled. "Touche."

They chatted a bit more before finally calling it a night. They both felt a little better, but Ed was still worried about how this intrusion was going to affect them, and for how long. Of course he trusted his wife, and apparently she still trusted Stabler, so he decided to just wait and she how it played out. He was ready to intervene at the slightest provocation but for now would try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

The next morning, things were somewhat back to normal. Melody was going to be back to help get the kids ready and off to school, so Ed and Olivia could resume their morning routine. Ed was up first, as always, so he took a shower. Then while he was making coffee, she showered.

She walked out of the bathroom wrapped in just a towel, and went to start getting dressed. She was standing in her closet in a bra and underwear when Ed's voice startled her.

"What the hell happened?"

She jumped and turned to find him standing in the doorway with a concerned look on her face. "What are you talking about?"

He stepped toward her and turned her slightly. His fingers lightly grazed the back of her shoulder. "This giant bruise on your back."

Shit. She'd known there might be a bruise from where Elliot had rammed her in to the door, but assumed it had faded by now. It didn't really hurt, so she just didn't think there would be a noticeable mark.

Ed watched the wheels turning in her mind. _She's trying to figure out what to tell me._ "How about the truth?"

Knowing she was caught, she tried to decide how much to tell him. After they'd finally reached some kind of truce on the Elliot issue, this would likely throw them off kilter yet again. It's not like she could lie to him. That was something they just didn't do. They'd refuse to speak before they'd lie.

"Did something happen at work? You haven't even been out in the field."

He had no idea. Shit. Shit.

"Olivia." He was getting impatient.

"It's nothing."

"That's what you're going with?"

"It really is nothing."

"Now's not the time. Just tell me what happened."

She cursed herself for not being able to lie to him. Then she cursed herself for even thinking that way.

"It's just going to upset you. I'm fine. It doesn't matter."

"Like hell." He'd leaned forward placing his arms on either side of her against a shelf in the back of the closet caging her in. It wasn't an aggressive move, just a way to convey his seriousness. "My wife looks like she was slammed into a wall, and I'm not supposed to ask what happened." He had no idea how right he was.

"Keep your voice down. I'll tell you, but you have to keep your voice down." They'd agreed before they ever got married, that they wouldn't raise their voices in front of the kids.

Somehow, he knew by her warning this was going to be a challenge, but he nodded.

"I told you Elliot showed up here last week. I didn't tell you how."

"Are you telling me Stabler did this?" His voice was tight and she could see the veins in his neck pulsing.

Putting a hand on his chest, she tried to explain as quickly as possible. "It was a misunderstanding. It was dark, he thought I was going for my gun. He pushed me into the wall to stop me from shooting him." Hearing it herself, she knew it wasn't going to sit well.

He just stared at her. She wasn't explaining this well. "He was in the apartment when I got home, I heard a noise and went for my gun. It was just a sudden, spur of the moment…" She was speaking quickly, but he still caught her first statement.

"The sonofabitch broke into our home?"

"More like he let himself in."

"No Olivia, just stop. You are _not_ going to defend this. He broke into my house, hurt my wife. What if the kids would have been with you?"

"I know. That's what I told him."

"But then you still let him stay. You still talked to him. You still agreed to help him."

She just looked at him. She didn't know what to say.

"That's just fucked up."

He dropped his arms and walked out of the room shaking his head slightly.

Olivia put her hand on the shelf and let her head drop. Everything was such a mess. She'd finally gotten Ed to kind of understand her need to help Elliot's kids. Now this came out. Why the hell did she tell him? And how the hell was she going to get things right again? Sometimes she could swear there was law written that Olivia Benson could never be happy, at least not for long. But then maybe that was just life.

A/N: This chapter is all over the place, so sorry about that. I intended for it to just be some domestic fluff while I figured out the next step, but it just didn't write itself that way. Then it went all angsty. Next chapter we find out who Olivia's talking to at the FBI and if she's going to keep helping Elliot despite Ed's wishes.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

" _No Olivia, just stop. You are not going to defend this. He broke into my house, hurt my wife. What if the kids would have been with you?"_

" _I know. That's what I told him."_

" _But then you still let him stay. You still talked to him. You still agreed to help him."_

 _She just looked at him. She didn't know what to say._

" _That's just fucked up."_

 _He dropped his arms and walked out of the room shaking his head slightly._

Olivia didn't have the opportunity to say any more to Ed before the kids were awake, Melody was there and their general morning chaos was well underway. She tried to at least catch his eye before he rushed out the door, but he wasn't going to budge.

"We'll talk later." It was a half statement, half question that she called after him. He just grabbed his suit jacket and headed for the door. She held her breath, hoping he wouldn't leave without at least acknowledging her attempt.

He almost didn't. "Yeah," was all he said before walking out the door. If Melody had picked up on the coolness and tension, she didn't let on.

Olivia helped Nicole through her morning routine and led her to the kitchen to join her brother and Melody for breakfast. Then after a quick kiss for the kids and a few instructions to Melody, she was out the door as well.

Olivia dragged through her morning. She hated fighting with Ed. It was rare they actually fought. Small disagreements over this or that like any couple, but usually on the big issues, they agreed or found a way to compromise. She didn't remember anything ever hitting them this hard.

She didn't know what to do because her inclination was to help Elliot, but that was in direct opposition to what Ed wanted. His reasons were valid, but it didn't change her gut reaction.

When her phone rang just before lunch, she cursed under her breath when she saw the caller ID. She'd totally forgotten her lunch plans.

"Hey Barba," she mumbled into the phone when she picked up.

"Wow, good to talk to you, too, Liv." He might be _the_ DA now, but it didn't diminish the sass. "We still on for lunch or you canceling on me again?"

She had canceled, twice. Once for a case and once because it was the day after Elliot's supposed death, and she wasn't ready to deal with it. She didn't want to go to lunch, but Barba was one of her closest friends. _Maybe it would help to have an outside perspective._

"I'm not cancelling."

"Wonderful, I can tell you're going to be great company," he teased.

"Same place and time?" She just wasn't in the mood to respond in kind.

"Same bat channel."

That brought a tiny smile to the corner of her mouth and a roll of the eyes. None of which he could see, but he could envision in her response. "Yeah, yeah."

Twenty minutes later she found herself in a booth near the back of their regular spot waiting for him to arrive. It was a quiet little upscale pub that had enough flair for Barba but wasn't too pretentious for Benson.

They didn't get to see each other as much now that he was at the top and not working SVU cases specifically. It was amazing they'd even been able to maintain their friendship with everything they'd been through, but he'd become like a brother to her.

When Olivia and Ed first got together, Barba didn't approve. At first she thought he was jealous which didn't make sense. She was fairly certain he wasn't ever interested in her like that. She eventually realized he wasn't jealous of the romance just of the infringement on their friendship and closeness. It took a while, but they eventually found their way. Even Ed and Barba managed to get along the few times a year they had to see each other.

When Barba finally arrived at the restaurant, she stood and gave him a quick hug before settling back into her side of the booth. He studied her for a minute. He knew that something was up with her lately because she'd been avoiding him. He couldn't read her expression.

"You going to make me drag it out of you?"

She gave him a sad smile, "I don't even know where to start."

Luckily, the waitstaff knew the regulars. Once orders were placed and food delivered, they pretty much left the pair to their conversation. Olivia filled him in on the events of the past month. He'd occasionally interjected with a question, but he mostly listened.

"He's so angry with me, but I don't know what else I could have done." She wasn't one to air her dirty laundry, but everyone needed those one or two friends that they could tell anything to.

"I understand why he's angry." He saw her immediately tense up ready to defend herself. "Hey, you just said he had a right to be angry not ten minutes ago. _And_ I'm not saying I think you were wrong to help either. It's a shit situation no matter how you look at it."

"I told you about this so you could help. Not just agree with me that it sucks." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Liv, really." He wished he had some magic answer for her, but she fit the proverbial definition of _between a rock and a hard place_. "It's hard for me to understand how you can still want to help your old partner after all this time and everything that's happened. I know you feel how you feel, but same goes for Ed."

"Part of me wants to tell Elliot to get out of my life for good, but if something happened to his family…" she trailed off.

"Or him," Barba interrupted.

"Or him," she sighed. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. If I knew could have prevented it, how could I?" She dropped her head and rubbed the back of her neck with her hands.

"What about your family? Your kids?"

"If I thought for one minute that my family, my kids were in danger because of this. If I even suspected they might have exposure, I wouldn't proceed."

Sensing a sore spot, he just nodded his understanding. "I wish I had some advice for you."

"I know. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do." She looked up at him briefly. "I appreciate the shoulder anyway."

"I'm always here for that."

Across town, Ed sat at his desk and stared at the picture of Liv and the kids that proudly sat right next to his computer screen. That woman. Since the day they met, she had an ability to infuriate him. Then she captured his heart. He loved her with every fiber of his being, and he absolutely hated fighting with her.

He knew that part of his gut reaction was misplaced jealousy, but he also felt like one skill he'd certainly developed after years at IAB was to put his own emotions aside and judge a situation rationally. His cop mind did not like the thought of his wife getting involved with Stabler if he was in some kind of trouble with a rouge FBI agent and human trafficking ring. And that wasn't unreasonable on his part.

He tried to think how he'd feel if it was just Stabler and there wasn't a case that posed danger. Deep down he knew he wouldn't like it, but he also wondered if Olivia would have even given him the time of day if he'd just shown up again. Not knowing the answer, didn't help.

Ed didn't think of himself as an over-protective, jealous husband. He knew other men looked at his wife. How could they not? But theirs was a relationship that was solid as the bedrock under the streets of Manhattan. He knew there wasn't a viable threat.

Elliot Stabler. He was different. Ed couldn't remember how many times he'd been to SVU over the years, how many times Stabler had crossed a line or come so close he might as well have. And every time, Olivia defended him. Every single time.

Back in the day, he assumed she was just blind to her partner's true nature. Over time and in the brief things she'd said about the man, he learned their connection was deeper than that. When he was still just dating her, he'd once asked if she'd ever slept with Stabler. She didn't answer, and she didn't speak to him for three days after that.

He realized that despite his own feelings, his wife believed in Stabler and had trusted him implicitly. It was a bristly subject for many reasons, so they just left it alone. That worked for them because there was no reason to talk about him, until now.

After their conversation the night before, he realized just how much it had hurt her when the guy had vanished without a word. He realized that on some level, she had loved him. His fear was that she still did.

Ed pushed his chair away from his desk and decided he needed to call his wife. He knew when he left the way he had this morning that it would leave her on edge. At the time, he was so angry, he didn't care. But he didn't want her to go through the rest of her day feeling that way. He didn't ever want to be the source of her distress.

He didn't know how they were going to deal with the situation, but he could at least tell her that he would try to understand. That he was on her side. That they could talk about it later. He waited with anticipation as the phone rang.

Back in the restaurant, Barba and Liv paid their bill and chit chatted briefly about less intense things before he had to get back to court and she had to go back to work. She really didn't feel like dealing with the rest of the afternoon.

As luck would have it, she wasn't going to have to. Although if she knew the alternative, she probably would have been happy going back to the office. She dug her ringing phone from her bag and answered her standard, Benson, without looking at the caller ID.

After she hung up, for the fourth time in as many weeks, Olivia called Amanda to tell her that _something_ came up and she wouldn't be in for the rest of the afternoon. Then she called her nanny to make sure she could stay with the kids until Ed got home.

Nearly 40 minutes later, Olivia jumped out of a cab and headed into a small deli in Brooklyn. She was quickly greeted by Kathleen and Liz who looked petrified.

"Olivia, thank God." Liz said as she pulled her into a hug. Kathleen followed suit, then the three women took their seats.

"What's going on, you two?" All Kathleen had said on the phone was it was urgent.

Liz leaned forward and whispered. "It's my dad. We haven't been able to reach him for two days."

Olivia didn't want to appear unconcerned, but under the circumstances, him being out of pocket didn't seem too unusual.

"Liv, he told us to call him if we saw anything strange or felt like we were in danger. We've checked in everyday since you gave us that phone. He wouldn't just not answer for almost 48 hours."

 _Shit._ That was becoming Olivia's new internal mantra it seemed. "Okay, tell me about your last conversation with him. Did he say anything about what he'd been up to or if he was getting any closer to figuring out who was behind this?"

The two blonds shook their heads. Liz started to speak, but she couldn't hold back her tears. Kathleen jumped in. "Please, Liv. Help us find him."

Through her tears, Liz added, "We just got him back. We can't lose him again."

Olivia saw a second call come from Ed flash on her phone's screen. This just wasn't getting any easier. "Just give me one minute," she said nodding toward the phone. Kathleen and Liz just stared at her with hopeful expressions while she sent Ed a quick text telling him she was swamped and would call him back shortly.

She prodded Elliot's daughters for as much information as they could remember about their conversations with their dad. It was hardly anything to go on, but she assured them she would try to do something.

They said a clingy goodbye, and she promised to talk to them as soon as she found out anything or by tomorrow afternoon regardless. Hailing a taxi, she dialed the number she'd been avoiding since Ed asked her not to get any more involved.

Back in Manhattan, Ed tried not to read too much into her brief text. If she was busy, she was busy. She at least texted him to let him know she got the message, so she wasn't just ignoring him. That had to count for something, right?

When he got another text half an hour later saying that she probably wouldn't be home for dinner, his optimism disappeared. He texted back for her to call if she could break away for a minute. She could be wrapped up in a case, but normally she would have just said so. He didn't want to think it, but he was sure that whatever was up, it had to do with Stabler.

Olivia rushed into the noisy bar in the Village. It was prime happy hour and the young crowd was already enjoying themselves. It took her a minute to spot him.

"I hear it's Captain Benson, now?"

"Huang, thanks so much for meeting me like this." They shared an awkward hug. Their relationship was tenuous at first, then cordial, then tense, and now that they rarely saw each other, it was almost like they were just old friends.

"I've got to admit, I was shocked to get your call Olivia."

"Something's come up, and I need someone I can trust in the FBI."

George Huang had tried the private sector, but after a few years of helping criminals walk, he moved back to New York and returned to the FBI. They'd seen each other a few times since he came back to the city, and she'd even asked him to consult on a couple of cases here and there. But she had never, in all the years he'd known her, asked him to meet her in an out of the way bar with no further detail offered.

She was lucky to command such respect that people did that kind of thing for her. In truth, luck had nothing to do with it. She was well liked and garnered loyalty from most who knew her for any length of time.

A waitress came over to take their order. While they waited for their drinks, bourbon rocks for her and gin and tonic for him, they took a few minutes to catch up on each other's lives before delving into the real reason she called him.

"I'm still just a shrink." He said with a slight smile, returning to the more serious topic that brought them here.

"But I'm sure you know people."

She filled him in on the basics. While he didn't have access to the case files or anything involving witness protection, he did say he had a few trusted allies that he could feel out. Olivia had little choice but to let him try and see what came of it. She stressed again and again the importance of keeping it very close to the vest.

"Olivia, can I just ask you one thing?"

She didn't respond. She could guess what was coming.

Taking her silence as a go ahead, he continued. "I don't know the exact details of your current relationship with Elliot, but I know that it was basically non-existent for over a decade."

"George." She didn't want to get into a psychoanalysis of her relationship with her old partner, especially with someone who knew as much as the man sitting in front of her.

"I'm not going to pretend to understand whatever it was that made you two work, but it was definitely an interesting thing to watch back in the day."

She gave him a tired smirk.

"I just want to make sure you know what you're doing here. I can't imagine your husband is thrilled with this recent chain of events." He'd only me Tucker a couple of times, but he couldn't imagine any man would be happy with the return of Stabler in Olivia's life.

"Look, I didn't call you hear to shrink me."

He put his hands up in surrender. "That's not what I'm doing. I promise. I'm just looking out for a friend."

"Thanks, really." She looked down at her hand, her fingers were playing at the straw in her glass, just clinking the ice cubes round and round. "I just need to find him or at least find out if they've got him back in protection. Something."

"Anything. I know." Huang sighed. He didn't think this was the best idea, but it couldn't hurt just to see what he could find out, covertly.

They said their goodbyes and agreed that he would follow up with her "request to consult on a current case" at her office tomorrow. In the meantime, she needed to get home before the kids were in bed.

Ed tried to not let his mind dwell on what his wife was up to. Instead he focused on homework for Noah, dinner for both kids and hoping she'd get home soon. He was about to tell Nicole it was bath time when he heard her open the front door.

"Mommy, you're home!" Nicole knew it was bath time and was thrilled to have the interruption. Of course, she was also happy to have her mommy home.

Olivia dropped her things and scooped up the little girl. "I missed you today."

"You're late, and you missed dinner," Nicole pouted.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry." Olivia kissed her daughter's forehead. "You know sometimes Mommy has to work late, but at least I made it home for bath time."

The child actually rolled her eyes, and Olivia had to hold back a laugh. This kid and bath time. It wasn't really bath time as much as it was that it led to bed time, but she'd rebelled against the routine since they brought her home.

Ed finally stood to join them. He placed a light kiss on Olivia's temple. "I'm glad you're home."

She breathed a quick "thanks" because that was all she could manage. The emotion of the day had been draining on a whole new level. And now here was Ed, just accepting the moment. It was almost too much.

She'd been in relationships that worked because both people wanted it to work, then suddenly it didn't work any more. She'd been in relationships that required more effort than they were worth. She'd been in relationships that she wanted to work, but it just didn't happen.

With Ed, she found an equal. They both wanted the same thing, and they both were willing to do what it took. Even when it was hard or ugly. They always came together to figure it out. When they wanted to throttle the other, they put aside their own issues and got through, eventually.

This thing with Elliot was a bigger test than they'd ever faced. And it sucked. She'd never felt so torn. Her life was usually pretty black and white. Bad guys hurt good guys, so she put the bad guys in jail. The older she got, and the higher up in the department she got, the more grey areas she faced. But at the end of the day, she always felt a clear sense of what was the right course of action for her. That sense had been obliterated over the past weeks.

All of these thoughts were rolling through the back of her mind throughout bath times and bed times with the kids. Ed didn't push, he just acted like everything was normal. It made her feel worse.

When the kids were finally tucked in, he found her in their bedroom. Her jewelry box was open and she was holding something in her hand.

She took a quick breath when he came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Wanna tell me what happened?" He couldn't make out the small medallion held tightly in her hand.

"I don't want to upset you." The exhaustion was evident in her voice. She felt as though she'd been in one long therapy session. Last night, finally giving Ed insight into her thoughts about Elliot, their fight this morning. Today talking to Barba, then Kathleen and Liz, and ending with Huang. Faking it with the kids through their nighttime routine. She simply had nothing left. She sighed, not knowing what else to say.

"I'd rather be upset and know, than feel like you think you can't talk to me."

"I wish it wasn't so hard?"

"To talk to me?" He was unsuccessful in keeping the hurt out of his voice.

"What? No!" She turned to face him cupping his cheek with one hand. "I wish this situation wasn't happening. That I didn't feel compelled to do something that you don't want me to do. That…" She choked on her words and bit her lip to keep from crying. Her hand fell from his face and she just stared over his shoulder unable to look him in the eye anymore.

"Okay. It's okay." He pulled her into his arms and just held her. Even in the years since they'd been married, he rarely saw her cry, and if she did it wasn't over herself. The handful of times she'd let herself really cry in front of him it was usually because of the kids. She couldn't stand to see them hurt.

She held very still at first, like she couldn't relax. Part of her felt guilty. Here he was comforting her when she knew he was still upset with her decisions. And he didn't even know what she'd done today.

He didn't let go. Finally, she acquiesced and let herself sink into his embrace. His unconditional embrace.

Ed felt her go through the emotions of resistance then acceptance. He could feel the exact moment when she recognized it for what it was. He was her husband, and he would support her through whatever happened even if they didn't always agree on how to proceed.

He knew that whatever came up today had to do with Stabler. He knew that he probably wouldn't like what she'd done or planned to do. But for one moment, he sat that aside and comforted his wife.

He knew she wasn't making decisions to hurt him or their family. She was doing what she felt she had to do. He knew she felt torn. He didn't want to make her feel worse. He could be the man that she needed right now. He could help her chart a course forward that satisfied her need to help her former partner while keeping her own family safe. He had no idea what that would be, but he didn't have to know everything right now.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she whispered into his neck as she lifted her head to rest her chin on his shoulder.

"I know," he said quietly running his hands over her back gently. "We'll figure it out."

She nodded. "Together?"

"That's the only way." He put his hand on the back of her head and held her close.

They stayed that way for several minutes before he encouraged her to get ready for bed. He decided not to push for details. He'd let her calm down, then they'd talk about it.

A/N: First, thank you, thank you to my wonderful beta - you've made this process so much easier!

Second, sorry this was a bit short and bittersweet. Next up, we find out if Huang found out anything, and Ed and Liv try to figure out what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 _"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she whispered into his neck as she lifted her head to rest her chin on his shoulder._

 _"I know," he said quietly running his hands over her back gently. "We'll figure it out."_

 _She nodded. "Together?"_

 _"That's the only way."_

 _He put his hand on the back of her head and held her close. They stayed that way for several minutes before he encouraged her to get ready for bed. He decided not to push for details. He'd let her calm down, then they'd talk about it._

Olivia woke early the next morning. She'd slept better than she had in weeks. Knowing that Ed was with her, that she wasn't alone made all the difference. It wasn't that she'd truly doubted his devotion to her in any of this. But since they'd been a couple, she'd never felt her instincts be so out of sync with his.

Ed took a deep breath letting her know he was also now awake. She sighed and snuggled in a little more. He tightened his hold on her. "Morning, you're up early?"

Unless she got a call or the kids woke them, she usually didn't stir until he got up or until the alarm went off. "Good night's sleep will do that."

"I'm glad you finally got some decent rest." He ran his hand through her hair, gently pushing it back from her face so he could see the top of her profile.

She pulled away slightly so she could prop herself up and look at him. She wanted to say something, to explain how much his support meant to her. Never in her life had someone just given her what she needed despite their own stake.

Elliot had been the closest, but in the end he had his own family, his own life. In the end, he left. She'd thought he would always be the one constant in her life. Before he left, he had been for a quarter of her life. Having that rug yanked out from under her had a greater impact than she realized.

She and Ed had a grown up relationship. They chose to love and respect each other, every day. But way back in the recess of her mind part of her had waited for the other shoe to drop. It wasn't a pervasive thought, but there was this little piece of her that assumed someday something would come up that would test him beyond his ability to put up with her. This thing will Elliot could very well be it.

Then last night, Ed put that to rest. He destroyed the last little bit of doubt she had about forever. She wasn't naive. She knew there had never been any love lost between Ed and Elliot, nor would there be. But to know that despite that, Ed was committed to be on her side, that she didn't have to figure this out all by herself, it changed something deep within her. She no longer felt on the defensive.

She no longer felt like she couldn't tell Ed her honest thoughts about what she wanted to do, felt she should do, could do. She'd had a similar experience early in their relationship when she realized he wasn't going to push or prod her about every little thing. He just accepted who she was, where she was. This thing with Elliot had caused her to lose sight of that. In truth, part of that was because he had as well.

"Liv," his voice was still full of sleep. "I meant what I said last night. I'm on your side, and we will figure this out together."

Her eyes watered and she quickly blinked the tears away before they could fall. "You're the best man I've ever known, Ed Tucker." She started to look away, but he placed a finger under her chin causing her to keep her eyes on his.

"I just love you." There was no anger, no frustration in him anymore, just sincerity.

"I just love you, too," she whispered. "I still don't know what to do."

"Me either, but we can start by getting out of bed," he said as he moved to sit them both up and head out of bed. "We gotta get the kids off to school, but I can take some time this morning or we can meet up for lunch."

"Okay, I promised Kathleen I'd be in touch by lunchtime, so maybe we can grab coffee or breakfast, and I'll just go in late. If you're sure you can do that?"

He was a little surprised by her admission that Stabler's daughter was expecting her. She said it as simply as if she'd been telling him the sky was blue. Every other conversation they'd had since this whole mess began, he'd felt like she was holding back. He studied her face, and he could see the walls were down.

"What was it between you two?" It wasn't accusatory, it was just something he could never figure out. "What is this hold he has on you?"

"He doesn't have a hold on me." She wasn't sure how to explain. Hell, she never understood it. "It's complicated."

"Yeah, I get that." He didn't say anymore, he just watched her for minute as she tried to figure out how to explain. She finally rolled over and retrieved something from her nightstand drawer. The medallion he'd seen her with the night before. She held it in her hand, the chain dangling between them. He opened his palm, and she let the chain coil before finally dropping the whole thing in his hand.

He looked at it with a puzzled expression. It was a Marine Corps medallion. He didn't know what it meant.

"He mailed it to me, after he quit. There was a note that said Semper Fi. Alwa…" her voice cracked. She rolled her eyes at her own emotion.

"Always faithful," he finished for her.

She nodded. It took her a minute, but then she continued. "It was the last thing he ever said to me. For twelve years, he was the one constant in my life, for better or worse. Then he just walked away. It changed me."

"It's not likely I'll ever understand your relationship with him."

"Me either." She knew things would never be the same with Elliot. She didn't know if she even wanted to see him again after the mess was over. When they'd been partners, his presence in her life was all consuming. She wasn't sure there was a place for him in the life she'd built in the wake of his abrupt departure.

Ed interrupted her thoughts. "We'll figure this out. I get that you have a need to help him despite the cost to you personally."

She stiffened a bit at that.

"I know you wouldn't risk our family. Us."

She relaxed, and made a mental note to stop expecting the worst from Ed on this.

"Even if there's not a risk to the kids, I don't want to see you get hurt either." His voice was soft and reassuring.

Just then, they heard Melody using her key to come in the front door. The kids would soon be bustling about, so now wasn't going to be the time to finish this conversation.

"Looks like we'll have to continue this later." She smiled as she leaned into him for a kiss. He slipped the medallion back into her hand. And she dropped it on the nightstand.

"Okay, let me make a couple calls. You go ahead and take a shower." He wasn't thrilled, but he decided this was the best way to help her.

A little while later, Olivia was watching the kids east their breakfast. She smiled as Nicole put her strawberries on Noah's plate and took his banana slices. It wasn't that either of them disliked either fruit, but they each had their favorites.

Olivia laughed out loud when Noah took back one banana slice and gave her back one strawberry in return. "Moderation and balance," he explained with a serious look on his face.

Nicole reluctantly chomped down the strawberry before settling in on her oatmeal. She always saved the best for last. For her, the bananas. Noah was the complete opposite. He ate the strawberries first, savoring every bite. Then he casually ate the banana and oatmeal. Olivia shook her head with a smile. Her children were the textbook definitions of delayed versus instant gratification personified.

"Good morning," Ed said as he joined them. He pulled a coffee cup from the cabinet. As he filled it, he nodded toward Olivia to see if she needed a refill.

"Thanks," she nodded. He topped her off, then put the coffee pot back on the burner. Nicole immediately launched into diatribe about why she needed a princess tiara. Apparently her teacher and classmates, still didn't believe she was really a princess. "Mommy, you'll tell them, right? And I really do need a crown."

Ed choked on his coffee and squeezed his eyes shut as the hot liquid burned the back of his throat. Liv shot him an amused glance and tried to explain the concept of a nickname to her five year old daughter.

Noah saved the day by reminding everyone that today was his class field trip to the Natural History Museum. Ed had signed the permission slip a few weeks ago, but today, he was allowed to take a camera. He was rambling on about dinosaurs and documenting the experience "on film" while Nicole chattered about tiaras and princess gowns.

Ed and Olivia tried their best to humor their kids and validate their ideas, but over the top of the conversation, they just smiled at each other. Ten years ago, neither would have imagined they'd be here now, sharing this moment.

He had one early meeting he couldn't get out of. Once they said goodbye to the kids, Ed and Olivia parted ways with a guarantee to meet back up at 10:30 in the park. That would give Liv time to follow-up with Huang and at least know where things stood before hand.

SVUSVUSVU

Ed checked his watch. It was only 10:24, so he found an empty bench and took a seat. After their talks last night and this morning, everything felt easier. There was no easy answer to the current situation, but knowing that she knew they were in it together made it seem doable. He'd relaxed and he could tell she was in a new place, too.

He looked ahead and saw her crossing the bridge toward the little alcove where they often met. It had become their place in the early days of the relationship. They'd often meet up at this little spot in Central Park for lunch or coffee. It was enough out of the way that there wasn't much risk in running into people who knew them. That was the beauty of the city, it was pretty easy to blend in.

Olivia didn't see Ed notice her. She was scrolling through her phone. She also didn't notice the man following her. Luckily, Ed did. A man in a hoodie was just a little too close and quickly closing the distance to her. Olivia continued looking at her phone as she moved down the stairs. As she rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, Ed lost sight of her briefly. But he heard her, barely.

"Ompf." She didn't scream, it was more of a sound of surprise. There was no commotion just some hushed mumbling. Ed picked up the pace and jogged the last few feet around the corner. He followed some disturbed brush into a grouping a trees. He was left speechless at what he found when he got to the small clearing inside.

"Stabler," he muttered.

"Tucker."

"Shit." She breathed. Olivia just watched the two of them. She didn't know if she should expect an all out brawl or what. She and Ed had just gotten back to a good place. Please don't let this derail us.

Olivia had just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when Elliot fell instep beside her in a hoodie and jeans. He nudged her arm and motioned to the left of the trail. She let him guide her into the brush without question. She didn't realize Ed had seen her and would be worried when she didn't appear after crossing the bridge.

When Ed showed up, his fear evident, she didn't know if he'd go at Elliot or not. To her surprise, he exercised considerable restraint. Ed clenched his jaw. They'd backed into a little grove, so it was unlikely anyone could see or hear them unless things got really loud.

"So now you're stalking my wife?" His voice was tight and thin.

"Ed," Olivia tried to sooth, placing a hand on his chest. She knew it was taking all of her husband's self control to not launch into Elliot for everything that had happened.

He looked her in the eye and took a deep breath. Then he relaxed a teeny tiny bit.

"Liv, I didn't mean to…" For his part, Elliot just pretended like Tucker wasn't even there. He addressed only Olivia. "I didn't mean to interrupt." He'd followed her from the precinct into the park. He had no idea she was on her way to meet Ed, he'd just been waiting until she got to a more secluded area.

"I'm tired of hearing what you didn't mean to do, Stabler." Ed wanted to put his body between his wife and Stabler, but he knew that would just piss them both off. Different reasons, same outcome. He settled for placing his hand on the small of her back. It wasn't a possessive move, more of a comfort - to him as much as her.

The two men just stared at each other. Olivia was still trying to shake off the shock of Elliot just being here again.

"Olivia, I need to talk to you." Elliot said as he stepped into her space.

"Whatever you want to say to her, you say to us," Tucker said stepping closer to Olivia so that she was flush against his side.

Elliot looked to Olivia in surprise. Was she really going to let Tucker insist on staying?

She looked from Elliot to Ed and back to Elliot, then she nodded with a slight shrug.

"Olivia?" Elliot murmured. He was floored. He'd had about a week to let it sink in that Olivia had married Tucker, but seeing it in the flesh was something beyond comprehension. Obviously, she trusted the man, she'd married him. But after their history, it was hard to wrap his mind around it.

"Elliot?" She countered. Her voice was quiet but steady.

"I need _your_ help, Liv."

"Well, we're a packaged deal now, Stabler." Ed was calm in his response, but Olivia could feel the tension radiating off of both men.

"So does that mean…"

"What do you want, Elliot?" Olivia cut him off.

He wasn't sure he wanted to spill his case in front of Ed Tucker, but it appeared that he didn't have a choice if he wanted Liv's help. The trio had a very terse conversation in which Elliot explained that he'd essentially had no where to go since he'd ditched his protective detail to avoid witness protection. He'd bounced between a couple of seedy motels. His FBI detail finally caught up with him. That's why he hadn't been able call his kids. They'd dumped his burner cell and refused him any outside contact for two days. He'd spent all the cash he had on him, so he hadn't been able to get a new phone, so he did the only thing he knew to do.

Once again, he'd slipped the detail and tracked down Olivia. At this point, the next time the FBI found him, they'd probably arrest him and put him in locked down protective custody.

"Why didn't you just go to one of the kids, Elliot?" Why did it have to be her, she thought.

"I don't want to risk being seen with them. I think they may be under surveillance."

"Oh, but putting Olivia at risk. That you're okay with," Ed spat. It was getting more and more difficult to keep his cool.

It was just like old times, Elliot thought. Only now he wasn't sure if she was on his side or Tucker's. Knowing her as he once did, he was pretty certain he shouldn't test her loyalty to her husband.

"Liv," he pleaded. "You know that's not what this is. Tell me you know that?" His kids weren't equipped to deal with this kind of thing. Olivia had a gun and a badge and knew damn well how to handle herself.

She hesitated. "I know."

 _Did she just agree with him?_ That did it. Ed could not listen to anymore of this. He still wasn't sure what the guy wanted. Money, a place to stay, a phone, help with the FBI? Didn't matter, he wasn't getting it. Despite their conversation this morning, he still felt Stabler was taking advantage of her loyalty. He couldn't believe that Olivia still wasn't seeing it.

Ed stepped fully between the two former partners. "Look, Stabler, I don't know what you think gives you the right, but this stops here. Now."

"I think Liv can make her own decisions." Elliot tried to make eye contact with her, but she was focused on Tucker.

Olivia stepped into Ed from behind and put one hand on his shoulder linking the other around his arm. She tried to gently pull him back just a little. Create a little space. He tried to shrug her off, but she tightened her hold.

"Ed," she said forcefully. "Look at me." He wasn't going to budge. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Elliot was getting more worked up, too. This was not going to end well if she didn't get control quickly.

"El, just give us a minute." She took her hand from Ed's shoulder and pushed Elliot hard enough that he took a couple steps backwards.

Elliot's mind was reeling. He knew when he first contacted Olivia that it was a risk, that she might not even speak to him. He expected he'd have to plead with her. Never in a million years did he think he'd have to rely on Tucker being willing to _let_ her help him.

Olivia had put herself between the two men and looked Ed directly in the eye. "Ed, let me just hear what he needs."

"Liv." The warning in his voice was evident.

"Ten minutes. At this point, what difference does it make to give him ten more minutes." Her hands were on his shoulders. He reached up placed his hands lightly on hers. "I'm sorry, I can't just turn my back on him, Ed."

 _Like he did to you._ Ed didn't say it out loud, but the look he shot her said it loud and clear. He couldn't believe she was still willing to talk to him. To even consider helping him, but this morning he'd promised her they would figure it out together, so if she was staying to hear the guy out, he would too. He definitely wasn't leaving without her, but he had no idea how he was going to keep himself from decking Stabler.

When he looked in her eyes, he saw the conflict, the devotion, the fear. He suddenly understood in a new way. She'd been the guy's partner for over a decade. Every day for over 4,000 days, she put her life in his hands and vice versa. They'd fought, they'd battled, they'd won and lost. It was a bond that didn't just disappear. Always faithful. Maybe that was the best explanation. It irked him, but he wasn't going to force Olivia to choose. Not that he was worried of her choice, but that she would resent him for it later.

Elliot watched the exchange. He couldn't see Olivia's face or quite make out their hushed conversation, but the body language between the two of them was clearly that of a couple. A close, committed couple. He feared that Tucker might be talking her out of even listening to him. So he was surprised when she suddenly turned to him and asked what he needed.

She quickly told him about contacting Huang. Unfortunately, all he'd learned was that they thought they were getting close to both the mole and the ring leader. He hadn't been able to find out if Elliot's kids had come up at all.

They ran through their options. Elliot needed money, and he couldn't access his own without risking being caught. He needed a new phone and one for the kids. He needed a place to stay.

"I'll get you some cash and pick up a couple phones. I can take care of getting one to the kids, and we can meet later tonight to give one to you." She was back to treating him like a case. She never quite let her eyes reach his.

Elliot couldn't believe he was in this position, but he wasn't going to let the FBI stash him away somewhere and let his kids twist in the wind. It seemed Olivia was still willing to help him, and for the time being, Tucker wasn't trying to stop her.

"I know a place you can stay." Elliot and Olivia both jerked their heads toward Ed. Did he just offer to help Elliot Stabler, without being asked?

For his part, Ed didn't explain his sudden change of heart. He just went on to explain that he had an old academy buddy who owned a cabin in the Poconos. He told them that he'd check with the guy and have the info by the time they met up later. If Stabler could secure a vehicle, it was just a couple hours' drive.

It was a little farther out of the city than Elliot would have preferred, but he wasn't going to argue at Tucker's offer. Besides, it was unlikely anyone would think to look for him there.

Olivia grabbed Ed's forearm and gave it a squeeze of thanks. Just before they parted ways, her phone rang. When she saw the name flash on her screen, she put a hand up to stop Elliot from walking away.

"Kathleen," she answered.

"Liv," the woman whispered. "I think someone is following me."

"What, why do you think that?"

Elliot and Ed watched her closely as she listened to Kathleen explain her afternoon. She'd seen the same man at least three times over several hours and she'd covered miles of the city. Based on the description, Olivia wasn't sure if it was an FBI tail or something worse.

"Okay, sweetheart, just stay put." Kathleen had ducked into a crowded restaurant. She mouthed to Ed and Elliot what Kathleen told her. Elliot immediately tensed. Ed just gave Liv a look. She nodded her response before returning her attention back to the woman on the phone.

"Honey, I'm going to send my husband to come get you. He's a cop."

"Why, why can't you come?"

"It's complicated, but you've gotta trust me on this. I'm going to text you both, then he'll text again when he gets there." She hung up and sent the texts.

Elliot was furious. Why was she sending Ed to pick up his daughter?

Olivia knew that if there was any threat of Kathleen actually being followed, Ed wouldn't want her to go. He'd been clear about her not putting herself in any more danger. Oddly, she didn't even feel the urge to resist the obvious chauvinism. She knew she could take care of herself, so did he. But Ed was way out of his comfort zone with this situation, and he was still not fighting her. So rather than argue, she acquiesced on this point. Ed wouldn't let anything happen to Kathleen.

Elliot was going to be a little harder to convince. In a move similar to that she'd taken with her husband earlier, Olivia put a hand on Elliot's shoulder and finally looked him right in the eye.

"Listen to me, Elliot. Ed agreed to help you. He doesn't want me to go. I'm not going to push it."

"Liv, she's my daughter." He practically begged. He would feel more comfortable knowing it was Olivia going to meet her. He looked at Tucker and back to her. How was he supposed to trust IAB rat Ed Tucker with his kid?

"Elliot, trust _me_. Ed will not let anything happen to her. We don't have time to argue about this."

Elliot again looked from her to Tucker. He didn't like this one bit, but he saw that he didn't really have a choice in the matter, unless he was going to go himself. That was a risk he couldn't take. If it was a trap, he'd just set himself up and put everyone at greater risk.

"Stabler, I'll make sure your girl's okay. You have my word." With that, Ed turned and walked out of the park leaving Elliot speechless.

Olivia and Elliot went to buy a couple phones. They ended up buying a third for her. Elliot promised not to call it unless it was an emergency. They didn't want to risk him being caught on a security camera at her bank, so he took one of the cells and agreed to meet her in half an hour in another area of the park.

She promised to call his new phone if she heard from Ed, Kathleen or any of the other kids. During their 15 minute walk to the phone store, he'd convinced her to call Amanda and have a squad car drive by Kathy's and Liz's place. Once they knew Kathleen was safe, he'd figure out how to check up on the other two kids who lived out of state.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia found Elliot leaning against the wall of a tunnel in the park. His hands were drawn into tight fists, and he was pacing in a small circle.

"Squad cars have buzzed Liz's office and apartment, Kathy's house and Eli's school. They'll make another couple rounds tonight."

He visibly relaxed. "Kathleen?"

"Ed just texted, he's two minutes from the restaurant. She hasn't called or texted again. As far as we know, she's still there and safe."

"Okay," he said as he scrubbed his hand over his face. He wasn't going to feel completely okay until he knew Tucker was with Kathleen.

"Here's $2,000." She handed him an envelope.

"Liv, I can't thank you enough." She just shrugged.

For the first time she could remember, the silence between them was awkward. He was uncomfortable taking her money, even though he knew he'd pay it back once this all got sorted out. He was uncomfortable relying on Tucker to help his kid. And he was uncomfortable knowing that in the end it was Tucker who Liv relied on. He couldn't help but see himself as a source of disruption, and Ed Tucker, thorn in his side for so many years, was her source of calm. It was a world upside down as far as Elliot was concerned.

Olivia didn't know what to say to him. She wanted Ed to find Kathleen, make sure she was safe. She wanted to know how she was supposed to feel because right now she was still all over the place as far as Elliot was concerned. She was on edge.

Her phone vibrated signaling a text. Elliot watched nervously as she pulled it from her pocket. She showed him the screen as she opened the text from Ed. _All good here. Will call later._

It was vague, but the key phrase "all good" was all they needed. "Okay," she sighed. "Ed's got her, she's okay."

"She's okay," Elliot repeated.

It took some convincing, but she finally got Elliot to head out of town. He had a friend in Queens who he was pretty sure would lend him a car with no questions asked. He had his new phone and some cash to get by. Olivia promised to text him the info for the cabin with her new phone. There was no reason to linger. He hated having to entrust the safety of his children with anyone besides himself, but if it had to be someone, Olivia was his best bet. Even if Tucker was her new "partner."

SVUSVUSVU

That night, Ed and Olivia got the kids to bed with some effort before they settled in the living room. He pulled her toward him as they settled on the couch.

His friend agreed to let Ed's "cousin" borrow the cabin for a couple weeks, so Olivia texted the details to Elliot. It had taken a while to get Kathleen settled and Olivia got reports each time a squad car checked on one of them. They were both exhausted.

"What changed your mind?" She asked as she ran her hand under the hem of his t-shirt. She was still in a bit of shock that he'd so readily changed his tune.

"Nothing changed my mind. I just realized that you are compelled to help him, and I'd rather be with you than force you out on your own because I'm too stubborn." He absentmindedly stroked her hair.

"What happened to you not wanting me involved?"

"If it were only up to me, I still wouldn't want you involved. But you are involved whether I like it or not. You're my wife, so I'm going to help you." There was no tension in his voice anymore.

"I don't know what to say." When Elliot first reappeared on the scene, first in death then in drama, she feared it was driving a wedge between them. Now, it seemed it was only drawing them closer.

"Just promise me, you'll keep talking. Don't go radio silent on me again, Liv." It had worried him when they thought Stabler had died. She'd never been so withdrawn from him since they'd been together as a couple.

She gave him a slight nod with a sigh.

"How much did you give him?" Sensing she was at the edge of her emotional capacity, he switched back to practical mode.

"Two grand and a few hundred in burner cells and calling cards. He'll pay us back." She was relieved at the subject change.

"I'm not worried about the money. I just wondered how long we have before he needs more."

She hadn't thought about that. She furrowed her brow.

"I didn't mean it like that."

He assumed she thought he wanted this to end as quickly as possible. He did, but he didn't mean for it to sound that way.

"Like what? I was just wondering how long this is gonna go on."

He chuckled softly, "Okay, maybe I did mean it like that. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

"You keep saying that."

"And we keep doing it."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had a family thing come up. But I'm back on track now with this update and another soon to follow!

Chapter 8

"Whatever it is, we'll figure it out."

"You keep saying that."

"And we keep doing it."

Five days ago, Liv and Ed were on the same page about how to handle Elliot's situation. Five days ago, she was worried, but content with their agreement to work together. Five days ago, he had hope that this would be resolved relatively quickly.

That was five days ago. Today, they stood in their parking garage with Ed standing between her and the driver's side door of her car.

"Liv, it's not your responsibility. He's not your partner anymore." Ed was trying not to raise his voice, but it was becoming more difficult the more she insisted.

"That's not the point. He doesn't do well cooped up, unable to act. I just don't want him to do something rash."

He shook his head. "It's like I've been transported back in time. He's a grown man. He should be able to control his temper." Meanwhile, Ed was starting to lose his.

She started to reach around him for the door, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm. He didn't grab her, just halted her movement. She looked at him with a storm of emotion in her eyes.

His stare was hard and unwavering. "You're supporting him when it doesn't even make sense. Why does it have to be you?"

"Why does it matter? I'm just going to meet him about an hour outside the city. Give him some updates. It's better for me to go now than for him to show up in the city again." They'd been through this twice already. She knew that if she could update Elliot, talk to him, she could get him to give it a little more time.

According to Huang, the FBI was closing in on the trafficking ring, and it would hopefully be just a matter of days. She suspected that the FBI was onto the fact that Elliot was in touch with his kids. She met Kathleen and Liz for lunch one afternoon and was positive she'd seen a tail.

Since then, she'd restricted all conversations with them to brief texts on the burner cell. She didn't know how often they were in touch with Elliot, but she hadn't heard from him since he let her know he made it to the cabin.

Then last night just after she left the office, she'd gotten a text from Liz that she was worried her dad was headed back to the city. Olivia arranged to meet her on her way home. Liz had talked to Elliot earlier that afternoon and said he sounded agitated, and he was worried that if the FBI did have a tail on his kids it could lead the wrong people to them. Olivia told the girl to hold tight, and she'd talk to him.

Elliot had been beyond surprised when his phone rang and it was her. She could hear the frustration in his voice. It was Stabler on the brink. She knew he was hours away from making a bad decision, so she told him she'd meet him in the morning.

When she told Ed that night. He hadn't said much. He preferred one of Stabler's daughters to go, but neither had a car and both thought Liv would have better luck. Elliot felt so guilty toward Olivia, they felt he'd be more likely to listen to her.

She didn't think it was that big of a deal, she'd be gone a few hours at most. The family didn't have plans beyond Saturday morning pancakes, which she'd missed plenty of times for work. This wasn't really any different, she'd explained.

Before she and Ed could really discuss it, Olivia had gotten called in on a case just after 8pm. A city councilman's 12 year old daughter had been attacked on her way home from school. Even though it didn't appear to be related to his position on the council, it was a high profile case that required the Captain of SVU to be there.

It was almost 3am by the time she got home. Ed was already asleep and only stirred enough to mumble a sleepy greeting when she climbed into bed.

While he hadn't directly said he didn't want her to go, she knew he didn't. She'd originally assumed that he would deal with this the way he'd dealt with everything else over the past couple weeks and understand. She was wrong.

Ed was out of patience. He'd gone above and beyond in the understanding, supportive husband role. He just wanted this whole situation to be over and for her to stop running every time Stabler or one of his kids called.

"I'm not going to tell you that you can't go." Ed moved away from the car and motioned that she was free to pass.

She started to respond to that ridiculous statement, but he held a hand up.

"You do what you want to do, Olivia. I'm not going to pretend I'm happy with any of this. How much longer is Stabler going to interfere in our lives? How much longer are you going to let him?"

"This is just temporary. Once they make the arrests…"

"Are you serious? What if there's a trial? He could end up in witness protection for years."

She knew that, but she hoped at that point his kids would be safe and he'd be out of the woods. She ignored her own instincts that it most likely wouldn't go down that way.

"Don't be naive, Olivia. You know this could drag on for a long time. I need to know how long you're going to let us be dragged along with it."

"I just need to talk to him, calm him down." She knew Ed was right. He'd tried to be understanding, but she couldn't blame him for being annoyed with her, with Elliot, with the whole situation. She just didn't know how to tell Elliot no. She didn't know if she could.

Ed was pretty sure he knew what was going through her head. He hated that he wasn't sure if either of them knew if she could just walk away from Stabler. "I don't like feeling like I'm competing for your loyalty."

She stared at him not sure she could trust herself to speak. "Ed, I married you. I love you. I have a family with you."

"Yeah, I know." The irritation was evident, as was the resignation. Despite her words, he felt like he was losing her.

She placed a hand on his cheek and kissed the corner of his mouth. He grabbed her forearm gently.

"Text me on your way home." That was the last thing he said before she got in the car. She gave him a wistful look as she started the car and backed out of the parking space.

Ed watched as she drove away. He was desperately trying to make this work. He hoped she would come around soon because he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia had arranged to meet Elliot at a diner just outside of Morristown, New Jersey, not quite halfway between the city and the cabin. The little over an hour it took her to make the drive felt like a whole day.

She kept thinking about what Ed had said. Part of her was angry with him for making this so difficult, though she knew could't fault him for being unhappy the situation. It was unfair.

She wondered if this was how Elliot felt all those times when he had to work a case or he chose to stay at the office. If this is what it felt like to choose the job over your family. Only Elliot wasn't the job anymore.

She knew there'd been times during their partnership that he was choosing her as much as the job. When he mortgaged his house for her bail, when he risked his own neck to help her with Simon, when he stood up to Tucker of all people when she was charged with murder. She knew Kathy gave him hell when it seemed like he was putting the job before his family. She imagined it was worse when it was Olivia that was pulling him away.

Maybe that's why he left. Maybe she needed to make the same choice. If he could do it, so could she. She could walk away. If it was going to cause a problem with Ed, she had to. She could already feel the wedge, the disconnect between her and Ed. It was only getting worse.

The hurt and uncertainty she saw in his eyes when he mentioned her loyalty. It was crushing to think he would doubt her commitment to him.

It shouldn't be so hard to do, but the thought of being the one to walk away choked her. For years after he left, she'd imagined what would happen if he ever showed up. For a while she thought she'd tell him to go to hell. Over time, she'd begun to think it would be nice just to see him once more, to gain some closure. After she and Ed got married, she started to hope it never happened. Too much time had passed, and she didn't want to know anymore.

Now, she knew her instincts were correct. Elliot's presence was a complete disruption and caused a jumble of emotions that she wasn't prepared to handle. Part of her was still angry and hurt by the way he'd walked away. Another part of her resented the tension her was causing in her marriage and life. Then there was still this piece of her that was glad to see him, that was relieved, that was gratified that he came to her when he most needed help.

She couldn't really explain her compulsion to help to Ed because she didn't fully understand herself. She even agreed with him, it was fucked up. And that made it so hard to know what to do.

She hadn't gotten any closer to figuring out her next step when she saw the sign for her exit. There was a little diner about 15 miles off the main highway that Elliot said was enough out of the way there would be little risk of them being noticed.

He was already there when she pulled up. He laughed to himself that she still had her old Mustang. She must have a great mechanic to keep it running after all this time. It wasn't the most practical car for a family, but he guessed living in Manhattan meant she didn't really need a family car anyway.

Elliot had been on edge the last few days, but when she'd texted last night and made arrangements to see him, it immediately calmed him. He didn't let himself dwell on whether or not that was still appropriate. If it ever was.

SVUSVUSVU

Back at home, Ed tried not to let the rough start to the morning and his uncertainty about what Olivia was going to do get to him. He made every effort to give the kids a normal morning and explain that mommy had to go to "work" without letting his bitterness show. Apparently it worked because the kids seemed oblivious.

He wanted to give Olivia the benefit of the doubt. He wanted to let her do what she felt she needed to do. But lately he'd begun to question whether she needed to help or just wanted to be involved because it was Elliot Stabler.

In the few times that she'd discussed her past with Elliot, he'd come to believe that at one time she'd loved him. That she'd might have even been in love with him. He wasn't about to come right out and ask her. He wasn't sure if she'd admit it even if it were true. He wasn't sure if she'd ever admitted it to herself. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

Sometimes he just wanted to shake her and tell her that she had to let Elliot go, get out of this mess and come home. Really and truly come home. She would never stand for being told what to do, and he wouldn't expect her to. Right now he didn't care, he just wanted his wife back.

"Da-a-d" Noah groaned.

"What Noah?" He looked up at his son who was clearly frustrated at his father's distraction. "Sorry, read me the list one more time."

He was supposed to be helping Noah pick which summer camps he wanted to attend this year. The deadline for applications was next week, and Noah was told he could pick three one-week camps or two two-week camps. One of the camps had to be educational, but the other one or two could be fun. Nicole was much easier because she could just be told what camps she was going to since she didn't realize there were options just yet.

Noah had friends at school, sports and music that all influenced his decision. His interests were broad, so he was having a difficult time choosing. Ed promised he'd take time this morning to help, so after breakfast he sat Nicole down with a movie and pulled up the app Olivia told him to use to find their list.

He didn't know how Liv kept up with it all, but apparently she found an app that tracked what camps the kids had been to, whether or not they liked them and if there were similar camps available. It even allowed them to connect with other families, so Noah could see where his friends were going. It also had parent and child reviews, background information on the camp instructors and security policies. In her line of work, Olivia wouldn't send her kids to any school, camp or daycare that didn't run thorough background checks. Sometimes Ed thought that she probably ran some additional checks herself.

He'd been searching through the app with Noah for about half an hour, and it seemed Noah had it narrowed down to four camps: School of Rock which had one and two week options, the kid really was obsessed with the guitar; Soccer which was one week, much to Ed's chagrin since he preferred baseball; Broadway for Kids which was one week, and came out of left field since Noah had never seemed comfortable in any of the little plays at his school; and Spanish Immersion which also had one and two week options, it was the obvious educational choice, but Ed still wasn't sure why that one.

He and Noah talked it over during the time it took Nicole to get through a movie. She was getting bored and wanted Daddy's attention, too. Ed checked his watch. It was just 11:00, so it was going to be at least another couple hours before Liv got home.

He pulled Nicole onto his lap, and prompted Noah again. "Read the list one more time."

Noah sighed, "I wish Mom was here, she's better at this."

Ed wasn't hurt by the comment because it was the simple truth. He was saddened and annoyed for the reason that she wasn't there, but he tried to shake it off. "So what would Mom tell you to do?"

"She wouldn't tell me what to do, she'd tell me I have to make my own choices. You set the rules, I make the choice."

Damn, this kid was growing up. "Okay, so how would she help you make the decision?"

"I don't know, she'd just be… Mom."

"Well, she's practical. She likes to make decisions based on all the facts. So maybe you should make a list of all the good things about each camp and anything that you think you might not like about each one. Then see which have the most good things and go with them."

"That's a great idea, Dad." Noah grabbed his tablet and ran off to his room to make his pros and cons list.

Ed breathed a sigh of relief that he'd been able to find a way to move Noah a little further down the decision making path.

"So, what are we going to do this morning?" He turned to Nicole.

"Can we play makeup?'

"Uh, what?" Clearly he knew what makeup was, but how exactly did one play it?

"Makeup, Daddy." She acted like it was obvious.

Still distracted by the conundrum with Olivia and Stabler, he agreed. "Sure thing, sweetheart, you go get your toys. I'm just going to relax for a few minutes, then we'll play."

"Okay, Daddy, I'll be right back."

She bounced off the couch and down the hall. Ed stretched out on the couch and waited.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia immediately spotted Elliot when she entered the diner. He stood up when she got to the small booth in the back, and she wasn't sure why. Was he going to hug her? Was he being gentlemanly? Neither seemed fitting.

"Thank God, you're here, Liv. I'm going crazy out here." He didn't exactly hug her, but he grabbed her upper arms and pulled her into him just slightly. She lightly patted his sides then leaned away and took her seat opposite him.

The waitress came over and took their order. Then they caught each other up on minor details. What contact he'd had with his kids. What she'd learned from Huang. How Elliot was faring alone, in the mountains. Not well.

"I hate being this far removed." He was getting more and more worked up as they discussed the case and his lack of ability to do anything.

"I know, I know." She tried to soothe, but she honestly didn't know what more she could do or say at this point.

They ate in silence for a little while. It wasn't awkward anymore, it was just Elliot and Olivia. After the waitress cleared their empty plates and warmed up their coffee, he looked at her with an expression she couldn't read.

"Liv, I don't know how I… I don't know… I…" He was stumbling all over himself. "Thank you."

She didn't know what to say, so she just shrugged at him. It wasn't like she could say, no problem, because all of this had been a major upheaval in her life. Was she supposed to tell him that? She didn't see that doing any good either.

"Thank you, for everything." He continued. "I know I don't deserve it. But I knew you'd help me because it's who you are. You wouldn't let my kids down even if I've been a monumental prick."

She chuckled a little at that. At least he wasn't playing innocent. She still didn't have words for him.

"I think you know why I left."

She just stared at him. What was she supposed to say? What did he mean? "No, I don't." Her voice was soft and low.

"You have to understand, Liv. Now, more than ever." He realized the position he put her in. He knew what it was like to be drawn to protect someone even if it wreaked havoc in the rest of your life, your family and your own mind.

"Do I?"

"I think you do."

"I never…" I didn't know you knew. I didn't know it affected you. Not really. You had your family to go home to, and sometimes I felt like a needy fool.

"No you didn't, but now I understand the position you were in all those years ago. And you…" his voice trailed off, understand mine.

"It's the flip side of the same coin," she acknowledged.

He nodded. "It's not like anything… or that we would…" This was getting way too personal. They didn't talk about this, ever.

"I know, El. I know." She needed this conversation to be over. She'd gone out on a limb as far as it would hold, and she wasn't going to test her boundaries or her husband's by continuing this conversation.

He knew she wouldn't stay if they continued down this track, so he backed off and asked her about what it was like leading the squad. He knew she could do it, but he couldn't quite picture it. He'd frozen her in time as the woman she was when he left 12 years ago.

She wasn't sure he deserved it, but she answered. She talked briefly about the younger members of the squad and how sometime she'd felt like a babysitter. But they zeroed in on Fin. He was the only one left that they had in common. They laughed together about how he was certainly the most qualified and least willing to be her number two.

He desperately wanted to ask her how the hell she ended up with Tucker, but he didn't want to spoil the mood. So he opted to ask about the kids. He knew it was unlikely that both were hers biologically, maybe the boy, but the girl would be unlikely based on the pictures he'd seen in her apartment.

Once again, she was reluctant, but she indulged him. Tucker obviously played into the conversation, and he was intrigued that she while she didn't offer any details about that relationship she didn't completely avoid it.

He smiled as he watched her describe her kids. He knew it was something she always wanted. Clearly it suited her. He wanted her to keep talking, so he kept prompting with little questions about the kids. He learned their ages, she showed him a couple pictures on her phone.

His hand brushed hers as he handed the phone back to her. She jerked away from the contact, and he saw the retreat in her eyes.

She hated how easy it was to let herself be Benson to his Stabler. It was comfortable, if she didn't think about the reality. But the reality was still there.

The reality of him just walking away. The reality that she reminded herself of the entire drive here. The reality that she needed to now impose on him. She couldn't imagine a scenario in which she and Elliot became friends and it didn't continue to disrupt her life on some level.

Ed. Noah. Nicole. They were her priorities. She loved Elliot as one would their first high school crush, but that was a million years ago.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I shouldn't have brought it up." He knew he'd tested the boundaries and that she was now reining things back.

"Whatever." He'd done a lot of things he shouldn't.

"No really, I just. It's so good to see you…" to soak up your presence, to be with you in any capacity.

"I know." She cut him off because she did know. Part of her felt the same way. If she wasn't so hurt by the way he left, she could almost let herself slip into 12 years ago. The ease they'd finally found in their partnership. She could almost forgive and forget.

Elliot paid their bill while she stopped in the restroom. Then they met at her car to say their goodbyes.

"Thanks again, Liv." He'd stuffed his hands in his pockets and wasn't quite looking her in the eye.

She wanted to tell him that she couldn't keep doing this. She needed to put her family first. It just wasn't healthy or right. She said nothing.

The awkwardness was back. They hadn't really talked about what to do next. He didn't want to presume anything, but he needed to know if she was still in this with him.

"I gotta go," she broke the silence. "Ed and the kids are waiting for me."

"Right, uh, I guess…" He didn't know what to say. "We'll be in touch?" It was definitely a question, not a statement.

"I'll let you or the girls know if I hear anything." That was all she could promise. She didn't feel right offering any more knowing that it would just further alienate Ed.

"Thank…" He started.

"Elliot, stop thanking me. Okay." She didn't know why it bothered her. She deserved his gratitude. "Just, I gotta go." She said again then started to turn toward her car.

His hand on her arm stopped her. Next thing she knew he'd pulled her into him. This time it wasn't tentative, he'd pulled her into a firm embrace.

She was surprised by his action. Since his reappearance, he'd mostly respected her space. She could count on one hand the number of times they'd hugged each other.

When she didn't immediately return the gesture, Elliot worried that he'd made a mistake. Just as he was about to step back, he felt her arms wrap around his middle. She gave him a quick squeeze then patted his back signaling her intent to break the hold.

He stepped back, and she returned to the task of unlocking her car. She sighed as she opened the door and moved to get in.

"See ya, Liv."

"Bye, El."

As he watched her drive away, he feared it might be the last. He knew she was struggling to figure out if he had a place in her life anymore. He was pretty sure the answer needed to be no. Still, he hoped this wasn't it for them.

Neither of them noticed the man in the tan SUV on the other side of the parking lot. Neither of them noticed when he snapped their picture.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia kicked herself the whole way home. She should have been more definitive. She should have told him that she couldn't keep helping him if it was going to cause friction in her marriage.

In a way, it almost seemed like they'd said their last goodbye this time. She wondered if that's why he hugged her, if subconsciously they both knew this would be the last time. Somehow, she sensed that it wasn't, but she wasn't sure why. There was just an uneasy feeling that plagued her the whole drive home.

Still trying to shake that sense as she made her way down the hallway, she tried to think what she would tell Ed. Things were calmed down with Elliot. She should be able to back off for a few while and let them get back in sync. She hoped he could accept it at that and not push her to make clean break right now.

She took a deep breath to calm herself before she unlocked and opened their apartment door. She gasped as what she saw.

Nicole was sitting on the floor in front of the couch watching some cartoon on TV and didn't seem to notice Olivia walk in. She had pink lipstick smeared all over her mouth and chin. Olivia's makeup was scattered around the floor and coffee table.

None of that was what caught her attention. Her eyes were drawn to her husband, sleeping soundly on the couch. She quickly dug her hand into her purse to pull out her phone. She was barely able to snap one picture when Nicole realized her presence and jumped up.

"Mommy!" She ran over and Liv scooped her up.

"Hi sweet girl," she whispered. "Let's be quiet, Daddy's sleeping." And I want to get a few more pictures.

She sat the girl down as well as her purse and moved a little closer to Ed. She looked at Nicole and put a finger to her lips, reminding her to be quiet. Then she aimed her phone barely able to contain her laughter.

Ed's face. There was blue and purple eye shadowing covering his eyelids from lash to brow. His cheeks were bright pink, and there was dark pink lipstick all around his mouth.

"What's so funny?" He said, not opening his eyes.

"You're awake?"

He opened his eyes and squinted at her. The amusement on her face was evident. "What's so funny?" He repeated.

"Somebody's been playing with Mommy's makeup." She said with a slight scolding in her tone.

Nicole immediately joined the conversation. "Daddy said it was okay."

"Oh he did, did he?" She quirked an eyebrow at him. She couldn't imagine he agreed to what she saw before her.

"I guess I might have?" He was still in a bit of a haze from his afternoon nap.

Olivia couldn't believe he'd been able to sleep through the assault on his face, but that appeared to have been the case. She couldn't look at him without cracking a smile.

"Olivia, what is so funny?" Now he was getting a little irritated. He was clearly the butt of a joke, he just didn't know what it was. He vaguely remembered Nicole saying something about makeup, then he must have dozed off.

She reached into one of the makeup bags on the coffee table and found a small hand mirror. She shook her head as she handed it to him.

He snatched it from her and looked at his reflection. What the hell? His first reaction wasn't quite anger, but it certainly wasn't as lighthearted as Olivia's.

"You look pretty, Daddy." Nicole smiled at him, obviously proud of her handiwork.

That did him in. He laughed out loud, shook his head. Olivia busted out laughing.

Noah, hearing his mom's laughter, came down the hall from his room. "Hey, Mom, you're home. I think I've almost figured out what camps I want to go to this summer."

"What's that Noah?" She could barely get the words out she was laughing so hard.

"Camp, Mom. What's going on in here?" He finally made it over to the couch and saw Ed. His eyes went wide and he wasn't sure if he should laugh or not.

"Nicole gave Daddy a makeover." Olivia said, finally getting herself under control.

"Wow, Dad. I can't believe you let her do that to you." He chuckled.

"I was asleep." He said with mock seriousness.

"Oh man, Nik, you really did it this time." He knew that she wasn't supposed to play with their mom's makeup, but his parents seemed to think it was hilarious. His dad did look pretty ridiculous.

"Nuh, uh. Daddy looks pretty." She defended. "Doesn't he, Mommy?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, he looks absolutely gorgeous."

Ed shot her a look, but he couldn't keep a straight face either. "Please tell me this washes off."

"Of course, we'll get you washed up before dinner."

"How about now."

They laughed together as she led him down the hall. When they got to their bathroom, she gave him some face wash, a cloth and some special eye makeup remover. Unfortunately, the lipstick was one of her long-lasting brands and it would probably be difficult to get all of the pink off, especially in the places where it had gotten on the skin around his mouth.

She was going to leave him to it and go back to check on the kids. As she turned, he stopped her with the question she'd momentarily forgotten about.

"So how'd things go with Stabler?"

A/N: What's Olivia going to tell Ed? How does she explain to him what she doesn't understand herself? And what's next for Elliot? I'm sensing some drama coming up…


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thanks again everyone for the reviews. It's great to find such a solid Tuckson following! To make up for the slight delay in posting an update, it's an extra long chapter :) Hope you like!

Chapter 9

 _She was going to leave him to it and go back to check on the kids. As she turned, he stopped her with the question she'd momentarily forgotten about._

 _"So how'd things go with Stabler?"_

She froze in the doorway. She'd been so distracted by the hilarity of seeing Ed decked out in her makeup, that she'd almost forgotten about the dilemma she faced. Almost.

"Okay." She said quietly, turning back toward him but not making eye contact. "He's calmed down, and I think he gets that he just needs to let the FBI do their job."

He turned the faucet on to let the water warm up. Then he studied the cleanser she'd given him. It had promises like anti-aging and gentle on your skin, he rolled his eyes. Only for the love of his daughter would he put up with this. At least it didn't smell like flowers. It had a light, clean scent that smelled like Liv when she came to bed at night.

"The FBI? So that means you're backing off?" His tone was low and raspy. He had the same tendency that she did to reveal emotion through the timber of his voice. He lathered his face.

"He understands the strain he's causing. He doesn't want to be a burden." The words hadn't been spoken, but she knew it was true.

"You didn't answer my question." He said before splashing some water on his face. He glanced up and frowned when he realized that not much of the makeup had come off.

She watched his reflection in the mirror. She smiled, focusing more on the makeup than the topic of conversation. _Avoidance_. Of course he didn't know how to get makeup off. She moved to grab the washcloth she'd given him earlier, then turned him toward her.

"Unfortunately she used my heavy duty stuff, so you have to scrub a little." She held the washcloth under the water and wrung it out. Then she took his chin between her thumb and forefinger tilting his head so she could begin to wipe the makeup from his cheek.

He watched her study his features, still not making full eye contact. "Liv?" He wasn't going to let her keep skirting the issue.

She sighed and rinsed the cloth before resuming washing the makeup off his face. "We didn't talk about that."

"Olivia."

She could feel his eyes staring into her, but she kept her focus on the task at hand continuing to rinse out the cloth and wash his face with it. She didn't even know why she was scared to look at him. She didn't have anything to hide that he didn't already know. But it still somehow felt like a betrayal.

"Ed," she started. "We talked. He understands that things can't continue the way they have been. He knows the FBI is close to getting these guys. I think he'll let it lie for now."

"For now." He closed his eyes as she applied some of the eye makeup remover. He was struck by the intimacy of their contact. Despite the inner disconnect he felt, he couldn't deny that he wouldn't want to be anywhere but right here. Right here, letting her wash makeup off his face. Makeup applied by their five year old daughter while he was asleep. He wouldn't ever want to do this with anyone else. He couldn't.

She didn't say anything more, she just moved her attention to his other eye. While she gently wiped the cloth over his eyelids, she moved her other hand to rest in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

He put his hand on hers and interlaced their fingers. He placed their joined hands on his chest, pulling her closer to him. She, too, smiled at the unexpected intimacy of the moment.

When she'd gotten most of the makeup off his face, she flung the washcloth into the sink and let her forehead fall to his shoulder. He dropped his free hand to her lower back and pulled her into him, their clasped hands still caught between them.

"I still don't know how to fix this." She whispered. It was almost a repeat of the last time they stood like this.

"I know. Neither do I." His voice was low and rough.

"I just, I want…" She couldn't figure out how to articulate her need to get back to normal but still do what she felt she had to.

"I know, Liv. Really." He did. He might not understand why it had to be Stabler, but he did understand his wife's need to help.

Olivia could have cried at the relief. Just to be home, in her husband's embrace. To know that there was no where else she'd rather be.

Sensing her turmoil, Ed interrupted. "As far as I'm concerned, we're still okay, Liv. We'll figure it out."

She took a sharp breath and pulled back so she could look at him. She knew he was trying to give her a safe harbor. He knew her, better than anyone. He knew that right now she was feeling guilt, confusion, angst, and in that mode, she needed to know his love was unconditional. She needed to know that no matter what, he would still be there when she got home tonight.

When they'd first started dating, he sometimes felt like she was looking for an excuse to run. Their relationship was tested pretty early on when they'd both almost lost their jobs. He honestly wouldn't have blamed her if she'd called it quits back then. She never would have been transferred out of SVU if it weren't for him. To her credit she never wavered in her support for him or their relationship.

Over time, she'd settled into them, and really began to trust that they were the real deal, built to last. Stabler was the first time since they'd gotten married that he'd seen her this rattled. All Ed knew to do was to keep being supportive even if he wanted to scream at her.

He hoped they could let Stabler go soon and get back to their lives. He could see in her eyes that she wanted the same. He kept his expression neutral, not wanting the relief he felt make her feel worse.

He just pulled her back into him. She tucked herself into his embrace, and they just stood like that for several minutes.

SVUSVUSVU

Elliot finally made it back to the cabin around 7pm. He'd taken a round about way to get there because a few miles down the road from the diner he saw an SUV that looked similar to one he'd seen in the parking lot back there.

When the car didn't follow him as he turned off at the first junction, he dismissed his thoughts as paranoia. But he still took a detour of over 50 miles through the winding Poconos before finally heading to his final destination. He had no idea that a tracking device had been placed on the undercarriage of his car.

Now that he'd seen Olivia, he felt so much better. And so much worse. He knew this was putting her in a bad position. Maybe if she'd married someone else, someone who didn't know their history, it would have been easier. But she'd married Ed Tucker, something Elliot still couldn't quite wrap his head around. He couldn't imagine them hanging out at family barbecues.

He did take some comfort in knowing that she'd agreed to help him at all. She took a little time to warm up, but she didn't just turn her back on him. She could have. He suspected a lot of people would have told her to. He wouldn't have blamed her.

He'd wanted to tell her to go to hell when she showed up after Oregon. Her brief little stint in Computer Crimes had shaken him, but she came back so quickly. He thought they were okay. So when she vanished again without a trace for months, he'd believed that maybe she wouldn't come back. He managed, but it was unnatural and miserable.

When she finally returned, it had taken them a while to find their rhythm again. But they did. He'd gone out on a limb for her several times that year. He supported her through the whole deal with her brother even when he hadn't thought she was making the best decisions. He was just so scared of her leaving him again. He didn't want to rock the boat.

Now, the situation was reversed, but this was not even remotely the same. She had never intended to stay away permanently. In truth, neither had he, but the more time passed the less it made sense to contact her. Then, somehow, twelve years passed. It was one of his biggest regrets.

His was still thinking through the current mess when he drove up to the cabin. He parked the car in the garage and closed the door before heading inside.

Elliot went to grab a beer from the refrigerator but stopped. He still had a couple hours of daylight, so he decided to go for a short hike. Nothing too much, but on his first day here, he discovered a trail that began just a few hundred yards from the cabin's backdoor.

He quickly changed into some cargo shorts and tennis shoes. Then he grabbed his phone, keys and sunglasses and set off.

He wouldn't really call this a hike. It was more of a leisurely stroll through the woods, but it helped him think. It calmed him. He planned to walk all the way to the ridge he'd found a few days ago. It was only about a 45 minute walk from the cabin.

After about 30 minutes down the trail, Elliot decided to turn back. The temperature was dropping abnormally fast for this time of year. He looked up at the sky and saw there was a good chance of a storm rolling in.

He'd taken the walk to try and clear his mind, but he kept thinking back to Olivia. He knew he was creating havoc in her life, her marriage. He felt guilty for that. He'd never want to hurt her. Of course, he knew that he already had by the way he left. But there was a little tiny piece of him that hoped that maybe she now could finally understand how he'd felt all those years ago.

It was complicated. He remembered her saying that same thing what felt like 100 years ago. Maybe she did understand even then.

He made it back to the cabin just as big drops of rain started to fall. He rushed up the wooden stairs to the deck, digging the key from his pocket. Then he rushed inside before it turned into an all out downpour.

Elliot flipped on the light then dropped his keys and phone on the counter in the kitchen. Then he went to the refrigerator to grab the beer he'd forgone earlier.

He popped the top and took a long drag of the beer before heading into the living room. The light from the kitchen filtered in just enough for him to not run into furniture. He was surprised how dark it got so quickly. Must be a fast moving storm, he thought.

He sat the beer on a side table and fumbled for the switch on the nearby lamp. Just as he found it, he felt a sharp blow to the back of his head. It was forceful enough to knock him to his knees, but it didn't knock him out.

He braced himself on the arm of the couch and started to get up. There was another blow, harder this time. Elliot slumped forward, his movement rattling the table and knocking the lamp to the floor.

He was fighting to keep himself awake. Two blows to the head left him groggy and slow, but he couldn't give up. He wouldn't give up. In his state, he knew had to take every advantage. He sank further into his position trying to make it look like he was knocked out. He felt pieces of the broken lamp dig into his arm, and it took everything in him to not to react to the pain.

The perp leaned in, but just as Elliot was about to make his move, he heard another voice. "Is he dead?"

It was the voice. The one they all were after. Realizing that it was two against one, Elliot knew he had to be calculating.

All of the sudden the room exploded with action. Elliot threw his elbow into the henchman and quickly dropped his arm around the man's gun-holding arm. With a quick thrust of his hip he flipped them wrenching the man's elbow and allowing him to grab the gun. He fired three shots in the direction of the voice he'd just heard. Hearing the thud of a body hitting the floor, he assumed at least one of his shots made its target.

He leapt to his feet and ducked behind the nearest chair pointing the gun at the man he'd just tackled. The guy appeared to be knocked out, so Elliot backed away to try and find a position where he could see both perps.

He then saw the body of the other man. It was Milo Vitt, the ring leader they'd been after for months. Amazingly, one of Elliot's blind shots had hit the guy in the neck. He must have bled out within seconds of hitting the floor.

He saw movement to his left. Apparently the other guy wasn't completely out. Just as Elliot turned, the man lunged toward him. The two struggled and punched and kicked for several seconds before he felt the guy go for the gun.

He could't let that happen, so he jammed the gun into the guy's side and pulled the trigger. Immediately, the commotion ceased. They were still a bit tangled, but Elliot soon fell to the side and onto his back. He moved the gun to the side opposite the man beside him.

He took a few seconds to catch his breath before he realized he needed to do something. He wasn't sure who to call. The FBI hadn't known his whereabouts for over a week. He knew needed to let his CO know what was going on, but he wasn't sure that was his best first choice. That left one option.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia smiled to herself as she closed Nicole's door. It was only 8:30pm and both kids were in bed. Nicole had insisted on only Mommy reading her a story tonight. It was certainly because of Olivia's distance lately, so she'd indulged the girl with an extra long story time while Ed got Noah situated. Not that Noah needed to be "tucked in" anymore.

She was surprised when she got back to the living room and found Ed had turned off the TV and turned down the house for the night. All the lights were off except for a small light above the stove that gave a soft glow to both the kitchen and living area. He'd even put away their after dinner coffee cups.

She turned off the light and headed toward their bedroom. It wasn't a perfect night, but it had been good. Ed refused to go out to eat since the lipstick Nicole used on him had stained his face so much that it the area all around his mouth and chin were red and blotchy. At one point Olivia wondered if he was allergic to something in the makeup or the cleanser, but it appeared it was just a really bad product to apply to skin and not lips.

Since they weren't going out, they ordered pizza. Usually that was a special treat, but given how tense things had been lately, they splurged.

It had actually been a fairly typical Benson-Tucker family night at home. The kids teased and played with each other. Ed and Olivia chimed in. They talked about Nicole's kindergarten graduation in a few weeks, and Noah's soccer team tryouts next weekend.

Now, as she heard the water running in the bathroom, she wondered if the night would end so well. She knew Ed wanted to talk more about her conversation with Elliot today. She felt such a sense of misplaced dread.

When she left Elliot, she had an uneasy feeling. At the time, she assumed it was just the turmoil he'd caused. Now, it seemed different. She was worried about Ed's reaction to her day, but this was something else. And she couldn't shake it.

Ed walked out of the bathroom drying his face with a hand towel. "What was it you said I should put on my mouth?"

"Vaseline."

"We tried that."

"And it worked, just not all the way. So try some more over night."

He retreated to the bathroom, presumably to take her advice. So she started to change for bed. A few minutes later they traded places. She went to wash her face and brush her teeth, and he came into he bedroom to lose his t-shirt and jeans.

He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to know exactly what had happened with Stabler today. But at the same time, he wanted the night to continue as it had. It was still early, and on a normal night like this, they'd either snuggle up and watch a movie in bed or have sex. It had definitely been a while since the latter.

She'd been so present tonight, so normal. He hoped that meant she'd made her decision and that it was time to come home. To let Stabler go, or at least to let him fend for himself. He'd never tell her she couldn't or shouldn't be friends with Stabler, but he didn't really like the idea of the guy being back in her life on a regular basis.

Olivia sighed as she dried her face. She used to live for nights like this. Just her and Ed. Regardless of what they did, it was nice to have an early night for just the two of them.

She was about to head into the bedroom when she heard her phone ringing. Before she rounded the corner, the ringing stopped. She got to the room just in time to see Ed silencing the call.

"That was the burner cell?

He didn't answer. He just tossed the phone toward her. It landed on the edge of the bed.

"Ed?"

He started to say something, but stopped. So she made her way toward the bed and retrieved the phone. She saw two missed calls from Elliot's number. She must have missed one while she was in the bathroom.

"I thought you said he'd back off for a while."

"I thought he would, but if he called twice in five minutes it must be important." She was about to return the call when a text notification beeped.

 _Please call._

"I suppose that's Stabler, begging for you to answer or call or come back." His voice was even. It reminded her of his IAB interview voice and sent a chill down her spine. She knew he was holding back his anger, but she didn't know how much longer he would put up with this.

"Just give me a couple minutes to call and make sure everything's okay."

He rolled his eyes.

"Two minutes. Then we'll talk." She was desperate. "I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." With that he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. She walked back to the living room to make her call.

Olivia pushed "send" and dreaded the answer that awaited her. She knew Elliot wouldn't have called twice and texted if it wasn't something urgent. Not after the conversation they'd just had. Her pulse quickened.

"Liv?" He answered on the first ring.

"Yeah"

"Thank God," he breathed.

"What is it, El?'

"I just killed Vitt and his bodyguard."

"You? What?" She expected something about his kids, something about the case. Anything but this. He briefly explained what had happened.

"How did they find you? Did you call your CO?"

"You're the first person, I called."

"Me? What the hell, Elliot?" What did he expect her to do?

"I just didn't know what to do? I don't know how they found me, Liv." He was once again desperate.

"Okay, okay. Let's take a minute. We'll figure it out, but you need to contact your CO."

They talked for about 10 minutes before they hashed a plan. He was reluctant, but agreed when she insisted it was the only way she'd cooperate.

Now Olivia had the not so pleasant deed of telling Ed what was going on. She didn't anticipate it would go over well. She was right.

"Ed, this is it. This is the end." She tried to keep her voice calm and reassuring.

He slapped his hands on his knees and rubbed his knees in frustration. He hoped she was right and this would end the majority of their issues with Stabler. He still didn't like it.

"Fine, just do what you need to do."

She waited a minute. "Ed, I need your help."

With that, his eyes snapped to hers. "We'll be fine." He nodded in the direction of the kids' rooms.

"No, that's not what I mean. I already called Melody."

His eyes narrowed. What the hell was she asking him to do?

"We've only got a few minutes before she gets here, so I need to fill you in."

He just stared at her, so she started explaining. Elliot was calling his CO who would be en route asap. She wanted Ed to collect his kids that were local and take them to Kathy's place to make sure they were safe. They still hadn't figured out who in the FBI was leaking info, so Elliot and his CO agreed it would be better for NYPD to focus on the kids. At this point, they didn't think Maureen and Dick were at any real risk, so they just arranged for Mo to drive to her mom's the next day and put Dick on alert. Olivia was going to the Poconos to meet Elliot.

Ed didn't like the plan, but he knew that Olivia asked him to go to Elliot's family because she trusted him to keep them safe. He hated that she felt compelled to go to Elliot when there really wasn't a reason for her to go. Dammit.

"We're almost there, Ed. Let me finish this."

"Okay." He looked at her for a minute. There was the same fire in her eyes that he'd always found attractive. He didn't want her to bury that. He hated that right now it was direct toward saving Stabler, but he knew if it were a vic or another member of her team, he'd feel proud. So he tried to focus on that.

They discussed the plan a little more. He was having a hard time keeping his anger in check, but by the time Melody knocked on their door, he was reluctantly on board. They'd made compromises over the years. All married couples do. He'd found it surprisingly easy most days with her. Even if he was the one not getting his way, at the end of the day they both knew they were committed to making it work.

 _This too shall pass._ That was his mantra lately.

"Melody, I'm so sorry for the late call in."

"No problem. I'll just sleep on the extra bed in Nik's room?"

"Of course." Olivia had made the decision to put Nicole in the larger of the two kids bedrooms and have an extra daybed in it. She knew that it was possible and even likely that both she and Ed would both be called away in the night and that the nanny would need a place to crash. It wasn't ideal, but it had worked for them so far.

Since tomorrow was Sunday, no one had to worry about getting kids to school or people to work. Melody said she could only stay until 6pm the next day, so Olivia called Amanda to see if she could fill in if things took longer than that. Amanda didn't ask questions she just told Olivia to have Melody call her if she or Ed weren't home by 4pm. She'd take care of it.

It was after 9pm by the time Olivia got on the road. She cheated and threw her flashers on, knowing that if she did get stopped all she'd have to do was show her badge. Luckily the rain had let up and traffic thinned out because she was flying down the highway.

The FBI only had a 30 minute head start on her, so it wasn't possible they'd have cleared the scene in the almost three hours it took her to get there since she spoken to Elliot. But it was possible they'd pulled him already.

She promised him she'd be there. Neither knew if the FBI would send locals or agents from the New York bureau. Both hoped it was the latter. It was most likely that his CO would come with reinforcements, and of course the local police would be notified.

Olivia pulled up to the perimeter set by the FBI and slowly got out of her car. She pulled her Captain's badge from her hip and walked toward the police line.

"NYPD, I have an officer in there." She said with authority to the local uni at the line. He glanced at her badge briefly before lifting the yellow tape to let her in.

When she got to the house, security was a bit tighter. The guy at the front door stopped her. Her NYPD line didn't seem to carry as much weight.

"It's my partner," she stretched the truth. Partners for life. She sadly mused.

He studied her for a minute. "What's your name again?"

"Lieutenant Benson."

"Olivia Benson?"

"Yes." She had hope, since he appeared to know her name.

He moved to let her pass. "To the right, at the end of the hall."

She followed instructions and found a flourish of activity in the kitchen. Elliot was sitting at the table with EMT's tending to a couple lacerations on his head and arm. Men in suits were asking him questions like he was a vic or a perp, she wasn't quite sure.

"Elliot?"

Her voice rang through the cacophony around him. "Liv." He jumped up and met her at the doorway.

"Sir, we need to finish getting your statement," said the man who'd been grilling him for the past 20 minutes.

"And we need to finish cleaning the lac on your head," said the female EMT.

"Just give me a minute."

"Sir," the young FBI agent pressed.

"It can wait," Elliot growled and shot the kid a look that would have scared any agent. Then with a hand on her back, he directed Olivia through a large open pantry area to a smaller mudroom. Next thing she knew, they were in the garage.

He pulled her into a quick hug with his un-bandaged arm. "Liv, thank God you came. My CO's glad the guy's dead, but he's obviously pretty pissed at me."

She pulled away and stepped out of his space. "What else is new?" She half joked, half wished it wasn't so true.

"Tucker agreed to check on my kids?" She'd assured him on the phone that Ed would do it, but Elliot hadn't been so sure.

"Yeah, he wasn't exactly thrilled, but he'll make sure they're all ok at Kathy's."

"I'm sorry for all this, Liv."

"I know you are. Let's just hope this puts an end to it."

His face paled. He wanted to be out of witness protection. He wanted to know his family was safe. He didn't want to lose having Olivia back in his life.

If she noticed his reaction, she didn't let on. "Come on. Let them get you patched up." She started to got back inside. He wanted to stop her, but he just followed her.

They were almost to the kitchen when her phone rang. She saw it was Ed, so she motioned for Elliot to continue and she stepped back into the garage.

SVUSVUSVU

Ed easily got a hold of Kathleen who in turn contacted Liz. He picked up Kathleen first then Liz and headed to Kathy's. Once he got them there, he'd call Liv.

It was a little awkward at Kathy's. He didn't recall ever meeting her, but his distaste for her ex and her attempts at polite small talk made him want to be anywhere else.

"I'm just going to call Liv," he said motioning toward the door and fumbling in his pocket for his cell.

"You can use the office if you'd prefer." Kathy offered. The rain had started again, and she was ever the good hostess.

"Thanks."

Ed shut the door behind him and studied his surroundings. It was a typical bedroom turned home office. He wished it was further from the living room where the family was gathered, but he'd just have to keep his voice down.

He wasn't sure if Olivia expected him to stay with Stabler's kids or what. He didn't think they'd be in any danger at this point, but he also didn't know the details of the trafficking ring they were up against. He tapped her name on the screen and hoped she'd pick up.

"Hey, everything okay?" She answered.

"Yeah, everyone's here. Maureen will be down in the morning."

"Thanks. I know that will be a big relief."

"Do you think there's any continued danger for them?"

"I really don't, but until we clear things up with the FBI we can't be sure." She didn't want to ask him to stay with them. It had to be a little awkward for him. But she knew Elliot would be more likely to cooperate if he knew his family was being looked after by someone she trusted.

Sensing her hesitation he interrupted her thoughts, "Liv, do you want me to stay here? Do you want me to have regular patrols come by? What do think?"

She sighed. "Can you just stay with them until we wrap things up here and I know where they're taking Elliot?"

"Sure."

"If anything changes, I'll call you."

"Okay, and Liv?"

"Yeah?" She'd been about to hang up.

"I love you."

She closed her eyes and let a wave of comfort wash over her. It made her want to cry, but she just smiled and said, "Thank you, I love you, too."

They hung up, and Ed gave himself a pat on the back for figuring out how to not be a jerk through all of this. He laughed to himself. Olivia would smack him for that thought, but she'd smile when she did it.

Ed made his way back to the living room where Elliot's family sat around talking about what they knew of recent events. They looked expectantly at Ed hoping he had new information.

"Your dad's okay. He fought off two intruders. They're both dead. One was the leader of the trafficking ring, the one that started this whole thing."

At this moment, he was just a cop telling another cop's family the outcome of an altercation. That is was Elliot Stabler's family, his wife's former partner, his once upon a time target, didn't matter.

The kids were relieved and peppered him with questions. Kathy excused herself to make some coffee. She was glad Tucker was sticking around for a little while. This whole thing had brought her back to the years she and Elliot were married. She'd gotten used to him being in danger, but she'd never get used to her kids getting drawn up it.

After the kids had exhausted Ed's knowledge of the situation, he went to see if Kathy needed help with the coffee. Eventually, they all ended up sprawled around the dining table with Ed sitting at the breakfast bar and Kathy busying herself getting some cookies and snacks to go with the coffee. It was after midnight, but she knew it'd be a while before anyone was getting sleep tonight.

"So, is it true that you tried to put my dad in jail?" Eli spoke up.

"Eli." Kathy scolded.

"It's okay," Ed had been waiting for someone to bring it up. He didn't know if the kids would have been old enough to connect the dots, but clearly someone had.

"My job and your dad's job put us at odds a few times over the years." Kathy rolled her eyes. She knew exactly who Ed Tucker was. She couldn't believe he was sitting in her kitchen drinking coffee while helping keep her kids safe. She couldn't even begin to imagine how it occurred that Olivia had married him.

Olivia Benson. That was a name she hadn't thought of in years. Still, it didn't surprise her that in a moment of crisis, Elliot had turned to her. She wasn't even surprised that Olivia had agreed to help him. She'd long ago quit trying to understand the connection between her ex and his ex-partner.

"But now you're helping us. Helping him?" Kathleen had asked her dad about Tucker after the first time he came to pick her up. She knew her dad didn't like the guy, but he trusted him since Olivia did.

"Funny how things turn out." Ed shrugged. He wanted this conversation to be over. What the hell was he supposed to tell Stabler's kids about their complicated history.

Though she didn't think he deserved it, Kathy stepped in. "Why don't we give Mr. Tucker a break guys. He's here to help your dad." She picked up the plate of cookies and another tray of snacks and headed toward the living room.

Everyone made their way back to the living room. It was now after 1am, so Kathy was unsuccessfully trying to convince everyone to try to get some sleep. Ed hung back in the kitchen. He didn't want to answer anymore questions. This whole situation was a mess. He kept pulling out his phone hoping Liv would call and tell him he could leave. That she was on her way home.

SVUSVUSVU

After she'd hung up with Ed, Olivia headed back to the kitchen and found Elliot talking to a man who looked slightly older than him and very much annoyed. Elliot looked relieved when he saw her coming back.

"Bill, hang on a second. I want you to meet Olivia." She came over and held out a hand.

"Olivia Benson."

"Bill Reese," the man shook her hand. "So you're the one who's been helping Stabler evade us? I'd have expected a little more from the head of Manhattan SVU."

She looked at him puzzled that he knew where she worked. Then she looked to Elliot for an explanation. He just shrugged.

"I've seen you on TV a few times." He offered.

"Of course."

"So how did this guy talk you into helping him hide out?"

"She's my former partner." Elliot piped in and stepped a little closer to the two.

"Oh." The man studied her a little more closely. She wondered if Elliot had ever mentioned her. From his reaction, she couldn't quite tell.

They wrapped things up with the EMT's and then had to decide how to get back to the city. Elliot was adamant that he would ride with Olivia, and they'd follow the FBI cars. Bill wasn't about to let that happen.

"You think I'm going to let you go with her? The woman who's helped you avoid me for weeks. Not going to happen."

Olivia could sense Elliot about to flip out. She didn't understand what the big deal was, but he seemed desperate to go with her.

"Then you're gonna have to cuff me."

"El, come on. It's just a two-hour drive."

"She can ride with you in the Suburban, but I'm not letting you two go alone."

"Liv?" Elliot looked at her hopefully.

Olivia rolled her eyes. She couldn't just leave her car out here. Elliot's car was being looked at to make sure there weren't any other GPS or bugging devices, so he didn't have a choice.

"What about my car?" She asked.

He cursed under his breath. He'd forgotten about that. He knew he was being unreasonable, but he didn't care. He was afraid if he let her go, he wouldn't see her again. He was panicking.

She couldn't understand what his problem was, but she could feel the panic rolling off him in waves. Bill just watched the two of them and shook his head. He was worried that if Olivia didn't agree, he would actually have to cuff Stabler and force him into the car.

"Olivia, I can drive your car and you can go with him in the Suburban." Elliot and Olivia both looked at Bill with shock.

She didn't let anyone drive her car. Ever. Ed had only driven it a handful of times.

"Please, Liv." He felt like all he did lately was beg her to help him.

She hesitated a minute before dropping her keys into Bill's waiting hand. "You owe me."

Bill chuckled. "I'd have hated to be your Captain back in the day. How long did you say you were partnered?"

"Twelve years." Olivia and Elliot answered together.

The older man raised a brow. "Wow, you must have been one hell of a team for him to put up with you two." With that, he jingled Olivia's keys and headed toward her car.

That was how they found themselves sitting in the back of an FBI SUV headed back to the city. It had taken Elliot's CO to convince the EMTs that Elliot could wait until they got to New York to get go to the hospital.

Everyone knew it wasn't ideal, but no one wanted to deal with a small town hospital in the middle of the night. No one wanted to deal with Elliot at a hospital. The bandages seemed to have stopped the bleeding and if he had a concussion it was likely minor.

She leaned back into the seat next to him and sighed. She was so tired. It probably was for the best that she wasn't driving.

"Thank you, Liv." He interrupted the silence in the car.

"I thought you were asleep, and I thought I told you to stop telling me that."

"Too keyed up, and I can't." Elliot gave her a lopsided grin.

"Well, try." She couldn't help but smile back at him as she shook her head.

"Okay, change of subject." He acquiesced. "How in the hell did you end up married to Ed Tucker?"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _"Thank you, Liv." He interrupted the silence in the car._

" _I thought you were asleep, and I thought I told you to stop telling me that."_

" _Too keyed up, and I can't." Elliot gave her a lopsided grin._

" _Well, try." She couldn't help but smile back at him as she shook her head._

" _Okay, change of subject." He acquiesced. "How in the hell did you end up married to Ed Tucker?"_

Olivia checked her watch, 2:28am. They still had at least another hour on the road, so it wasn't likely he'd let this drop until she talked to him. She did't know what he expected her to say.

"It's just that I can't understand it, Liv. After all he put us through over the years."

She gave him a hard look. She wasn't going to let him bash Ed, but she knew there wasn't an easy way to explain this to him.

"I guess I can see you getting to a better working relationship as you both moved up the ranks, but you married him. _Married_."

If it wasn't borderline offensive, she laugh at his disbelief. Part of her could understand, but part of her felt defensive. Who was he to judge? _He_ walked away. _He_ left her.

It changed her to have to learn to work with Nick. Ultimately, she was glad she finally let the change happen because he'd become one of her best friends. She was in command of SVU. Cragen said it best, _Nothing changes, except what has to._

Elliot. He had missed everything. All the new faces at the squad, Carisi, Amanda, Dodds Jr, Barba. All the others that were now gone, Munch, Cragen, Alex, Casey, Brian. Her move from Detective all the way up to Captain, now having run SVU for ten years.

All the shit she'd been through with Lewis, the joy of fostering then adopting Noah, the year that almost broke her completely but also brought her and Ed together, Nicole. She'd been through more in his twelve year absence than most people could survive with their sanity in tact. Of course she changed.

"I'm not the same person you knew, Elliot. So much changed after you left."

He studied her and knew she was being honest. He didn't know details, but he knew enough of what she'd been through from the news. Over the past few months, he'd watched her. His Olivia was still there, but she had changed. In some ways she appeared to have mellowed, in others she seemed even more intense than he remembered her.

"You're not exactly the same, but you're still you, Liv. But you're married to Tucker." He didn't want to be rude or hurtful, but it was beyond his comprehension.

She considered his words. It was true. She was still very much the person he knew. She wanted to remind him again that he left her. She didn't owe him an explanation at all. But she also wanted him to know that she was happy with Ed.

"You know he's the one who convinced me to put in my papers?" Elliot tossed the words out there like it was insignificant. He knew better.

That got her attention. She didn't know. She was surprised it hadn't ever come up, especially with everything that had been going on.

Seeing her shock, he pushed that button a little more. "He didn't tell you?"

She still didn't answer.

"I guess that would be an awkward conversation." He knew he was being a prick, but at the moment, he didn't care.

He was needling her. She wasn't going to let him get inside her head on this. It was obvious why Ed wouldn't have brought it up in the past. At this point, it's not like it mattered.

"Ed's not what we made him out to be back then. He was probably trying to save your pension." Her voice was tight and strained.

"Funny, that's what he told me." He'd long gotten over the bitterness of how he'd had to leave SVU, but seeing Olivia married to the guy who showed him the door brought it all back.

"I know that there's never going to be any love lost between you, but he wasn't out to get us. He was just doing his job, Elliot." She didn't like feeling like she had to defend her husband or her decision to be with him.

"He certainly wasn't sad to see me go." Elliot knew he was treading on thin ice with her. Maybe he should just let it go.

"You're probably right, but he could have just let 1PP force you out. He didn't have to warn you to save your pension. I don't think you understand how much his job sucked."

He didn't know what to say to that. He'd never really thought of what it would be like to work at IAB. He didn't understand what would make someone choose that track, but it must have sucked to be hated by more than half the department. When Elliot didn't say anymore, she continued.

"After I was almost indicted for Lewis's murder, things changed with Ed." She didn't offer explanation and just assumed he'd seen the news back then. She was right. "He wasn't exactly supportive, but he didn't go after me like I thought he would. He even tried to help me in his own way."

She wasn't giving him a lot of details, but it was something. He nodded for her to continue.

"He seemed to keep helping me more and more with various aspects of running SVU. He's the one who encouraged me to keep climbing the ranks, so I could keep my command. Over time, we became reluctant friends."

"You mean you were reluctant." Elliot wasn't an idiot, and while Olivia wasn't giving him much, what she had said let him know that Tucker was the pursuer.

"I didn't know if I could trust him," she admitted. "But he kept showing up. He kept doing and saying the right things." She smiled at the memory of the early days with Ed. She had been wary of his motives at first.

Elliot laughed.

"What?"

"I just can't imagine you being wooed by Ed Tucker."

"He's a good man, Elliot. He loves me and our kids more than I thought possible."

"I'm glad you're happy, even if it's with Tucker."

Thinking he was being sarcastic, she rolled her eyes at that.

"I mean it, Liv. You deserve the very best. If Tucker gives you that, I'm happy for you."

She realized he was being sincere even if he didn't understand the evolution of her relationship with Ed. "I am happy. It's usually not work with Ed. We're two adults who love each other and choose to share a life."

Hearing Olivia describe her relationship with Tucker actually made him jealous. So he focused on the one thing she probably didn't mean to let slip.

" _Usually_ , not?"

"Don't. Elliot," she warned. "Your sudden re-appearance hasn't exactly been the highlight of my year, but Ed's gone out of his way to try and be supportive of me, in spite of his distaste for you."

That came out more harshly than she intended, but she was pissed at him. She wasn't sure if he meant to keep bashing her marriage, but she was certain that he was intentionally trying to get under her skin.

His face fell, and she saw the hurt in his eyes. "I didn't mean it like that, but you are being a jerk about this. This is my marriage, my husband, my family."

"You're right." He said quietly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. But did you really mean that. Do you regret helping me? Do you regret that I showed up?"

"I'm not sure what you want me to say. Ed wasn't exactly thrilled with all this, justifiably so. You left without a trace, without so much as a goodbye. And then 12 years later you show up, scare me half to death by breaking into my apartment and beg for my help. I just meant that it's been…" She was searching for the right word that would true but less hurtful. She didn't even know why she cared about protecting his feelings, but she did.

"Yeah, I know." He spared her trying to come up with something. He knew. It was _complicated_. Difficult. Challenging.

"It's not all bad. It's good to see you, to know that you're okay. I may have moved on, but the way you disappeared…" Her voice trailed off.

She took a deep breath before she continued, her voice barely a whisper. "Then when I heard you died, I regretted that you never gave me any real sense of closure. In a way you were already a ghost who would never quit haunting me."

He winced at that. He knew there was no way to undo it. "I'm so sorry, Liv." The truth was that she'd continued to haunt him as well. Walking away hadn't erased her from his memory or his heart.

"I believe you, but it doesn't change the past. Does it?"

This was possibly the most honest conversation they'd ever had. Maybe they'd both matured. Maybe time and distance helped them see things more clearly.

"I don't know if I made the right decision back then, but Liv, you have to know that leaving you was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Ever."

She wasn't sure if he meant what that implicated. Leaving her was more difficult than leaving SVU? Than his marriage dissolving? She didn't want to know the answer. In the dark, in the back of this SUV it had become easier to reveal truths long buried. _This is not a good idea._

She ducked her head slightly and gave him a sideward look praying he couldn't see the faint sheen in her eyes. With that, he knew he needed to change the subject before she retreated into her shell.

"Tell me about your kids?" It was less a question and more of a peace offering.

Relieved that they were still somehow able to be on the same page, Olivia pulled out her phone and showed him the most recent snapshots of the other two loves of her life. She briefly explained the circumstances of their adoptions.

Elliot watched her glow as she talked about them. He hated that it was Ed Tucker who was able to give her that, but he was happy she'd found the family she always wanted.

"I am truly happy for you, Liv. I always knew you'd make a great mom." He reached over and patted her knee.

She looked him in the eye and stilled his hand with her own. "Thanks." Then she lifted his hand from her leg and gave it a squeeze before letting go.

It meant something to her that he knew she was happy. It mattered, and she didn't know why.

SVUSVUSVU

Ed was now alone in Kathy's living room. The kids had finally all drifted to various old bedrooms to crash for the night. Kathy offered to make up the couch for him, but he insisted he'd be fine in the recliner.

She'd never tell either of them, but in this moment, Tucker reminded her of Elliot, in the stubborn protectiveness he displayed. She knew the man wouldn't sleep until he heard from Olivia, but she laid a blanket and pillow on the end of the couch in case he changed his mind.

Ed had the TV on a low volume. It was just some late night sports show, but it kept him distracted. Olivia had texted that they were on their way back to the city. She'd update him when they got there.

It was probably okay for him to leave, but they agreed he'd stay at least until she was back in the city. She told him the FBI had found a GPS tracker on Elliot's car. Their best guess was that someone followed Olivia from the city to him. There was no other way they could have connected Elliot to that location.

That thought made Ed a little uneasy because he wasn't sure how they would have made the connection to Olivia. And if they'd followed her, they might know where she lived. He knew Olivia wouldn't have missed that possibility, so he trusted that if she didn't mention it, the FBI didn't think there was cause for worry. And more importantly, Olivia didn't.

He knew Olivia wouldn't put their children at risk, even for Stabler. So he tried to focus on the TV. After a few minutes, fatigue set in and Ed let his eyes drift closed. His gun was still holstered to his side and his phone was in his lap. It was an uneasy rest that overtook him. The kind where you're aware of your surroundings but still partly asleep.

Almost an hour later, his phone buzzing in his lap woke him. "Liv?" He answered.

"Hey, we just got back to the city. Elliot's with the FBI, I'm just heading out now."

He could hear the tightness in her voice like she was holding back tears. "Everything else okay?"

"Yeah, just been a long night."

"Are they sending someone over here?"

"I don't think so. Elliot asked if we could just have patrols drive by for the next 24-48."

"I'll make the call."

"Thanks, babe. I'll see you at home."

"See you."

Ed checked his watch when they hung up. 4:30am. By the time they got home and settled, it'd be almost time for the kids to get up. He hoped Melody could stay and take them to the park or something.

He wasn't sure about just leaving the house with everyone asleep, so he found some paper and wrote a quick note to Kathy explaining he'd gotten the all clear. He also told her that there'd be regular patrols. He'd let Stabler tell her the rest.

SVUSVUSVU

Elliot watched Olivia as she stood in the corner of the small FBI office talking to her husband on the phone. He saw the relief in her face when her call was answered. He noted that she was at ease, comforted by the voice on the other end.

She looked toward him and caught him watching her. He looked almost sad. She ended the call, and joined him at the small desk in the corner.

"I gotta get home."

"Okay," he answered, his voice almost a whisper.

She grabbed her keys that Bill had tossed on the desk and turned to leave. He grabbed her arm.

"Elliot?" She didn't know what he wanted from her or why he was so clingy tonight. That was never in the equation with them.

"I'll call you." It was almost a question. If things went well with this case, there likely wouldn't be any real reason for them to stay in touch. But it still felt like there was so much left unsaid.

She didn't know if that was such a good idea, but it was clear she wasn't good at telling him no. And if he did call, it's not like she had to answer or act on anything.

"I just don't want to, uh, I don't want to leave this like before." He shrugged and risked a glance at her eyes. They were soft but unsure. "I don't want to be a ghost, Olivia."

She didn't know what that meant. Did he want back in her life? She still couldn't imagine a scenario where that worked easily, but he'd been one of her closest friends for almost a quarter of her life. So she nodded. They didn't have to figure it out right this minute.

He resisted the urge to thank her again. They just stared at each other for almost a full minute before she finally turned and headed out the door.

When she got to her car, she texted Ed to let him know her ETA. He immediately texted back to let her know that he was also on his way. It would take him a little longer since he was coming from Queens, but he knew she'd wait up for him.

When he finally walked through the door it was after 5am. He found her sitting on the couch, her head leaned back, eyes closed. "Liv?"

Her eyes slowly opened. "Hey." She reached for him.

He took her hand and pulled her up. She practically fell into him. She was exhausted physically and emotionally.

"C'mon, let's get to bed." He turned her body and led her in that direction.

"The kids. Melody." She muttered.

"I'll leave a note and some cash in the kitchen asking Mel to take the kids to the breakfast in the park. We need to catch more than a couple hours."

"Good idea."

He let her continue toward their bedroom while he went back to the other room to leave the note. He returned to find her already dressed for bed and heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

He followed suit and was surprised that she was even still awake when he finally crawled into bed with her a few minutes later. She laid her head on his chest and he draped his arm around her. "S'good to be home."

He kissed the top of her head and gave her a tight squeeze before shifting them slightly so he was in a more comfortable position. She lolled her head just enough so she could kiss his chest. She closed her eyes and just took in the scent of him. Of home.

She knew they both needed sleep. But her mind was still not settled from the rollercoaster of a day.

"Sleep, Olivia. We'll talk about it tomorrow." He bumped her with his thigh causing her to tilt a little more into him. He felt her smile.

"I love you."

"Love you, too." His voice was gentle but tired. "Now, sleep."

It was just after 10am when he finally stirred. Neither of them had moved at all in their sleep. She felt him adjust his arm and it woke her, too.

"Morning," she mumbled. "It is still morning, right?"

"About 10:15."

"Guess Melody got your note."

He reached across his body to pull her onto him. Her leg dropped between his and she propped her chin on his chest. She just looked at him. He was her port in the storm. He was her blue sky. She stretched up for a kiss.

He bent his head down to meet her halfway and sighed into her. It had been too long. He knew she was still feeling conflicted, but right now all he saw in her eyes was love.

She shifted again dropping fully onto him. "How long do you think we have until the kids are home?" She said and laid another kiss on him, this one more urgent.

"I left enough cash and instructions for breakfast and lunch. They won't be back for a while" He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her hips into his.

"God bless you, Ed Tucker." She smiled. This was all she wanted. Needed. The two of them. She just wanted him.

"Oh, I'm blessed alright." He teased before rolling them over.

They took their time. It was tender. It was passionate. It was perfect.

By the time Melody brought the kids home, they'd showered together and eventually had a late brunch. The kids had school tomorrow so most of the rest of the afternoon was spent organizing homework and making sure everyone was ready for the start of another week.

SVUSVUSVU

Things settled in over the week. She heard from Elliot and Kathleen a couple times via text. And Elliot called her once to let her know they'd tracked down the FBI leak to some idiot at a desk who had a gambling problem. He'd been blackmailed by the trafficking ring into helping them. Fortunately, he didn't have high enough security clearance to have access to truly dangerous information.

Neither Elliot's real name nor his children's identities had been revealed. That essentially made all of this mess with Olivia moot. His kids had never been in true danger. There was no reason to contact her again. Except that he wanted to. Needed to.

Olivia still hadn't figured out what she wanted to happen. It had been such a shock. First to think Elliot was dead, only to find out he wasn't. Then to get sucked into a weeks long drama with him and his kids and all the turmoil it caused. She'd also meant what she told him in the car that night. It had been good to see him. To know he was okay. She just didn't know where he fit anymore.

Ed was quiet about it. He knew there'd been some communication between them, but once the case was settled, he didn't ask a lot of questions. Olivia guessed he was just giving her space to figure it out.

Everything else was back to their chaotic sense of normal. Kids' games, lessons, end of year school activities and Ed and Liv's crazy work schedules.

It annoyed her that somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if Elliot would call her. If she would see him again. If he would just slowly fade back into oblivion. With the clingy way he'd acted when she last saw him at the FBI office, she didn't think he'd just disappear again.

She was right. He kept finding excuses to keep in touch. A little update about the case, figuring out how to get his car back from the FBI. Then came the one that rocked the boat.

Someone needed to take Elliot back out to the cabin in the Poconos to get some of his stuff he'd forgotten in the commotion of the evening. They also needed to clean up the cabin from the aftermath of the shootings and get his friend's car from the local PD where it was still being held.

Ed had told his friend who owned the cabin what happened, and while shocked, he took it in stride. He did't have plans to use the cabin until the fall, but they couldn't just leave it a bloodstained mess. Ed arranged for a special cleaning crew to do the major cleaning, but they didn't deal with replacing broken lamps or putting things back in order. They just cleaned up the blood.

When Elliot called on Wednesday morning to ask her, she didn't even hesitate to agree. The coming Sunday should work. Ed had promised to take Noah and a friend to the afternoon Mets game. If Amanda could watch Nicole, that'd give Olivia most of the day. Now she had to figure out how to tell Ed. In retrospect, she probably should have spoken to him and Amanda before telling Elliot it was okay.

Olivia stood and went to the door of her office. "Amanda, you got a sec?" She'd start with the easy ask.

"Sure, boss." Amanda got up and headed into Liv's office. "What's up, we got a case?"

"No, it's been an unusually quiet week." Olivia didn't sit, so Amanda followed her lead and stopped just inside the office door. "I wanted to see if you could watch Nicole this Sunday? I know Ed and I owe you. It's just something's come up."

"Sunday," Amanda ran through her schedule in her mind. Sundays were usually down days to get ready for the coming week. "Shouldn't be a problem. It's supposed to be a nice day. Maybe I can take the girls to the park or do something fun outside."

"Sure, that'd be great." Olivia's mind kept drifting to what she was going to tell Ed.

"You want to drop her off or me to pick her up?"

"I'll probably be leaving pretty early in the morning, but Ed doesn't have to leave until around lunchtime. So you could just pick her up sometime late morning if that's okay?"

"Yeah, want me to just coordinate the time with him?"

"Okay." Olivia hoped she was doing the right thing. She'd been so relieved when she and Ed had reconnected lately. It wasn't that they'd drifted far apart, but their connection just hadn't felt as deep when they were constantly disagreeing over what to do about Elliot. But that sense was gone now, and she did't want to risk bringing it back.

"Liv?" Amanda interrupted her thoughts.

"What?" Olivia wasn't quite drawn from her thoughts.

"You okay? You seem really distracted."

"Oh, I'm fine." She blinked quickly and then snapped back to cop mode. Fully present.

Amanda laughed. As long as she'd known her, Olivia was almost never fine when she said she was, but this seemed to be something her boss didn't want to divulge. "Tell Ed I'll text him Sunday morning when I'm on my way, or he can let me know if he needs to drop her off earlier."

"Thanks."

Olivia shut the door when Amanda left and dropped into her chair. She grabbed her phone and sent a quick text to Ed. "Got time for a late lunch?"

SVUSVUSVU

They met up at small diner a few blocks from SVU. Ed was waiting for her when she rushed toward "their" booth near the back.

"Don't get up." She said as she approached.

"Not gonna happen." He smiled sliding to the edge of the bench and standing up halfway to give her a quick kiss.

She leaned forward and ran her hand down his bicep giving it a small squeeze before they both sat down. "Still so damn chivalrous after all these years." She teased him.

"Always."

She cocked her head at him and smiled. Who'd have pegged Ed Tucker as a romantic? That was one thing that surprised her most when they first got together. Most of their past relationship had been so intense and cold, she was truly shocked at how doting and tender he really was toward her.

"So what's up? You hungry?" He nodded at their waitress.

"Maybe just a salad. Something light," she mumbled looking at the menu.

Now he knew this was more than just lunch. It wasn't odd for them to randomly meet up, but something told him there was more to it than that this time. And she definitely didn't need to look at the menu. The only salad she ever got at this diner was the Greek with grilled chicken. She was stalling.

After the waitress took their order, he pressed her again. "What's up, Liv?"

"What? Can't a woman just want to have lunch with her husband?" She said with a smile and lift of her eyebrows.

He took a sip of his coffee and just watched her over the top of his cup. He saw the hint of humor in her expression, but he also saw the slight holding back. Stabler.

She knew the exact second he realized it was something to do with Elliot. She saw it in his eyes as he sat down his cup never taking his eyes from hers. She took a breath and waited for the fight.

"What's he want this time?"

"He needs me to take him back out to the cabin to finish the clean up and pick up his car and other stuff."

"When?"

"Sunday."

"You already asked Amanda to watch Nicole, didn't you?"

She didn't answer. Instead she dropped her eyes from his and nodded.

"Okay."

The waitress dropped off their food, and they both took a minute to get situated. She looked back up at him. Neither spoke.

"Ed, are you sure you're okay with this?" She expected him to protest at least a little bit.

"The time to ask that was before you agreed, before you made child care arrangements for our daughter." His tone was flat.

She swallowed hard. He was right, and they both knew it. What was the point of asking his opinion when she'd already made a decision?

"Liv, we've been over this. I'm never going to be a man who thinks he can tell you what to do, but don't act like you're giving me a say when you're already told him you'd do it."

"You're right. I should have talked to you about it before I said I would take him. I just didn't think…"

He held up his hand and cut her off. "That's what bothers me. When Stabler's involved, when he asks something of you, you don't think. You just act, and me and the kids just have to adapt around it."

His voice was steady. He didn't even seem angry. It unnerved her. She averted her gaze and started picking at her salad.

"It just feels like you're telling me what you already plan to do. So what does it matter if I'm okay with it or not."

She winced and dropped her fork on her plate. "I didn't mean it like that, Ed. Really." She reached across the table for his hand.

He let her take it. "I believe you. Just tell me you understand where I'm coming from on this."

"I do."

"Then, I'm okay with it."

He saw her surprise at his decision not to push it. In truth, he wasn't 100% okay with it, but he couldn't exactly tell her to kick Stabler out of her life. It appeared their friendship had survived a twelve year gap. Something he didn't think the guy deserved, but he couldn't and wouldn't try to choose her friends for her.

They discussed the details. She explained plans with Amanda, what time she was meeting Elliot, and then they changed topics to talk logistics for getting Nicole to her tumbling class and Noah to soccer practice on Saturday.

Half an hour later, they paid the bill and headed out of the cafe. They walked a couple blocks in silence. It wasn't lost on Olivia that Ed had been pretty quiet for the rest of their lunch. He mostly just agreed to her plans and said he'd take Noah to practice. She did most of the actual planning.

She knew he didn't like Stabler, but that he wouldn't tell her she couldn't talk to him or see him. He was trusting her to do the right thing. To figure out what was best.

When they got to the corner where their paths took them in different directions, he grabbed her elbow stopping her from turning down the street and heading away from him.

She looked at him half expecting him to ask her not to go on Sunday. Instead, he just kissed her lightly on the cheek and said, "See you at home."

She grabbed his arm and drew him closer. "I love you," she said into his neck. She place a quick kiss just below his ear.

"I know," he shot her a cocky smile and turned to jog across the street in the direction of his office before the light changed.

She walked a couple blocks before her phone buzzed in her pocket. Olivia smiled when she looked at the screen. It was a text from Ed, "I love you, too."

"I know," was her instant reply.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

She grabbed his arm and hugged him closer. "I love you," she said into his neck. She placed a quick kiss below his ear.

"I know," he shot her a cocky smile and turned to jog across the street in the direction of his office before the light changed.

She walked a couple blocks before her phone buzzed in her pocket. Olivia smiled when she looked at the screen. It was a text from Ed, "I love you, too."

"I know," was her instant reply.

The rest of the week seemed to drag by for Olivia, but then all of the sudden it was Sunday. She planned to meet Elliot at 7am, so they'd have several hours at the cabin. She promised Ed and the kids she'd be home in time for dinner, and that was a promise she intended to keep.

Ed obviously wasn't jumping up and down with excitement over her plans, but he didn't push it. He just kissed her and told her to drive safely as she put on her coat to leave.

She pulled up to the curb just in time to see Elliot exiting the coffee shop with two cups of coffee. He smiled when he saw her, and for one brief moment she felt like she'd gone back in time. He sat one cup on the roof of the car and opened the door handing her the other cup.

"You shaved your goatee."

"Yeah, the kids convinced me that it made me look older." He grabbed his cup and got in the car.

She sipped her coffee. He remembered exactly how she liked it. Not that it was surprising; she'd never forget how he liked his coffee or his favorite lunch order.

They made small talk most of the way out to the cabin. Mostly he filled her in on how the investigation was going. They'd managed to catch two more of the trafficking ring perps before they fled the country. One of them flipped and was giving them information about the operations of the ring.

She asked how his kids were handling everything. He asked about her kids plans for the summer. It was easy, familiar.

Once they got near the cabin, they stopped for another cup of coffee and a couple breakfast sandwiches. They were both relieved when they got to the cabin and saw that the crime scene unit hadn't made too much of a mess of things, and the cleaning crew Ed hired had done a good job of getting rid of the blood and the smell.

All that was left was to get rid of the broken table and lamp. Elliot offered to leave some cash to cover the damages, but he had no idea how much the stuff cost. They went back and forth on it for a while.

"Why don't you just leave a note with your name and number?" She was subtly trying to eliminate the need for her to be the intermediary with Ed's friend.

"So you don't have to be involved." So much for subtlety.

"There's no reason for me to be. I don't even know the guy."

"Okay, I get it."

They fell into silence while they worked in the kitchen, her cleaning the food he'd bought out of the refrigerator while he gathered up the trash to place in the bin outside. She felt like he was brooding, but she didn't want to open a can of worms by asking him about it.

When he came back from taking out the trash, she'd moved into the living room to check things out. "Things look good in here. What else do we have to do?"

"I just need to get my stuff from the bedroom and bathroom down the hall." He said heading in that direction.

She followed, "I'll take the bathroom and let you get your clothes."

"Okay," he said, not stopping.

She easily found his things in the bathroom. He'd let them overflow from his small shaving kit bag onto the counter. Men had it so easy when it came to packing. A razor, a toothbrush, toothpaste and some soap and they could get by.

She did have to hunt around for the cap to his aftershave which he hadn't bothered to put back on. She found the cap behind a box of tissues and couldn't stop herself from taking a whiff from the bottle. Olivia was immediately transported back to endless nights with him in the car on stakeouts, him standing over her at her desk, borrowing his jacket, all the times that scent had enveloped her senses.

For years it had been a sense of comfort and security. After he left, when she smelled it on someone else, it was at first a painful sense memory that caused her to look expectantly for him. Over time, it became a bittersweet nostalgia.

She shook her head at the memories, put the cap on the bottle and dropped it into the bag. She stepped into the bedroom where Elliot was putting the last of his clothes into a duffle bag. She tossed the small bag on to the side of the bed where he stood.

"You might want to take a look to make sure I got everything."

He looked up and shrugged his shoulders before tucking the smaller bag into his duffle. "I didn't have much, I'm sure you got it."

"Okay, I'm just going to check on the stuff in the wash." Luckily, she'd thought to strip the linens and throw them in the washing machine when they first arrived. Hopefully, it was ready to go in the dryer.

He nodded and zipped up his bag. Then, taking one last scan of the room, he followed her from the bedroom.

Olivia made quick work of switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer and joined Elliot in the living room. She took a seat at the opposite end of the couch from him and pulled out her phone. It was only 10:45, so she sent Ed a quick text letting him know that they were almost finished at the house and just had to pick up the car before heading home.

She'd barely hit send when Elliot popped up and went to stand by the window. He'd been edgy since they got to the cabin, and she couldn't figure out why.

"You okay?"

"Hmm," he barely turned to look at her. "Oh yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?" She got up and went to stand next to him.

"I'm sure," he replied staring straight ahead out the window. He nodded in the direction of the laundry room. "How long's that stuff gonna take?"

"Probably about an hour, maybe a little longer."

He just nodded.

"It's beautiful up here."

Another nod.

"I'll have to see if Ed and I can borrow it some weekend. I bet it's great in the fall."

"I'm going for a walk." He stepped around her and reached for the door.

She backed up to let him pass, but she couldn't hide the shock at his sudden dismissal. He went to close the door behind him, but she caught it before he did. He didn't let go, so his arm was effectively blocking her path. He looked up at her with both a question and a look of frustration on his face.

She felt like he was trying to get away from her. Only one way to find out. "Mind if I tag along?"

He dropped his hand from the door and motioned for her to pass. She followed him down the stairs and toward the tree line. They walked along in silence for a little while before she tried again to get him to talk.

"So, where we headed?"

"There's a little ridge about a mile and a half down this trail. It's a nice view." He answered her, but still wasn't engaging fully.

She figured it'd take them a little longer than the drying laundry, but it's not like they needed to rush. They'd still have plenty of time to get his car and her to get back to the city by late afternoon.

They both seemed lost in thought, so the 45 minute walk passed relatively quickly and quietly. Just before they got to the clearing, Elliot suddenly stopped her with an outstretched arm. She was about to ask what the problem was, but he put his finger to his lips. Olivia looked at him, confused. He motioned for her to come toward him.

Years of partnership and unspoken communication led her to just do what he asked. She closed the distance and still couldn't figure out what was up. He pulled her by the arm until she was standing half in front of him. He reached around her and pointed through a break in the trees.

"Look," he whispered into her ear. A chill ran through her, when his breath hit her neck. She followed his direction and that's when she saw. It was a deer and its fawn. She flashed him a bright smile. He returned it, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. In them, she saw what she could only describe as sadness.

After they watched for a few minutes, the deer got spooked and ran off into the denser part of the woods. "This way." He nodded to his right, then took her hand to lead her into a clearing. The view was breathtaking. They could see a valley below and another ridge of mountains across the way.

"It's beautiful."

"Yeah, I found it on my first day up here. Kept coming out here when I needed to clear my head. Never saw any deer 'til today, though."

"I know it was hard for you being cooped up out here all alone."

It was only when he squeezed her hand that she realized he was still holding it. She squeezed back before letting go. He didn't let go immediately, but when she turned to look at him he snapped out of it and dropped her hand.

She was getting whiplash from his mood swings. One minute he didn't seem to want her around the next he didn't seem to want to let her to go.

"What's going on with you, Elliot?"

"What do you mean?"

"This hot/cold, brooding thing you've had going on since we got here."

He shrugged.

She turned her attention back to the view. She didn't press the issue. If he wanted to share, he would.

Apparently he didn't. Instead he just joined her in staring out over the valley below. Stepping just close enough that their shoulders bumped lightly.

SVUSVUSVU

Amanda had just left with Nicole when Ed got Olivia's text. He sighed. He didn't like the idea of her spending a whole day alone with Stabler. While he'd never admit it, he felt jealous. It wasn't that he didn't trust her or that he even thought anything like that, he just didn't like her spending time with her old partner.

At least he'd have the game to distract him. Noah was beyond excited. It was their first game of the season, and the boy had gone on all morning about the possibility of catching a foul ball. While he seemed more interested in playing soccer, Ed was pleased that he at least enjoyed watching baseball.

"Dad, can we go now?"

"We're not supposed to pickup Evan for another half hour, kiddo."

Noah tossed the baseball he was holding straight up in the air. Ed reached over to catch it. "You know you're not supposed to throw this in the house."

"I'm bored. Can't we just be early?"

Ed smiled. "Alright. He figured that if Evan was as impatient as Noah, it wouldn't be a problem if they were a little early. In truth, Ed was on edge with everything going on, and he didn't want to take out his frustration on Noah by snapping at him if he kept whining.

Evan's mom, Jan, gave Ed a knowing smile when she opened the door. "We're a little eager, too."

She called for Evan who showed up immediately. Ed told her he'd have him back around 4. Jan thanked him again for thinking of her son. Her husband had just walked out on her a several months ago with no explanation other than he couldn't do it anymore. Evan had been devastated, and Jan was worried when he started acting out.

Liv suggested they try to include Evan in more guy activities. She couldn't understand how a parent could just walk out on their kid and not look back. And from what she could tell, the guy didn't even bother to call on his son's birthday. Ed wanted to track him down and knock some sense into him, but he settled for trying to be positive male influence in the kid's life.

When they got to the stadium, Ed bought them all hot dogs and sodas. They had pretty decent seats along the third base line.

The first four innings were pretty dull with the Mets scoring one and the Nationals scoring two. Evan was the true baseball fan. He'd been in little league since t-ball and seemed content watching the plays and counting the stats. Noah didn't really care about the statists, he wanted action.

Finally, in the fifth inning, the Mets had the bases loaded and the Nat's pitcher was starting to show signs of fatigue. By the bottom of the sixth, the Mets were up 5-2.

That was when a pop foul sailed in their direction. Noah and Evan both jumped up and raced to the end of their row where it looked like the ball might come down. Being the taller of the two, Noah easily snatched the ball from the air. The boys jumped up and down cheering. Ed called them back over to their seats.

"Did you see that, Dad? I caught it. Just like that." Noah was beyond pleased with himself.

"Do you think we'll get another one this way?" Evan asked, hopefully.

"Keep your eyes on the game, you never know." Ed encouraged.

Noah cocked his head and watched his friend turn back to the game with just a hint of disappointment. "I think you should have it," he said before putting the ball in Evan's hand.

"You caught it. Fair and square." Evan said.

"Yeah, but you're the one who really likes baseball. I just wanted to see if I could catch it."

"You're sure."

Noah nodded, "It's okay, right, Dad?"

Ed was shocked by the gesture. It was the one thing that had excited Noah about the game. "If that's what you want. It's yours to give."

"You're the best friend I ever had." Evan told Noah. He tossed the ball into the mitt on his other hand and smiled the biggest smile Ed had seen on the kid in months.

Ed ruffled Noah's hair, proud of his son's thoughtfulness. None of them realized the whole thing from the catch to the give away had been caught on camera.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia and Elliot stayed at the clearing for just a few minutes before he suggested they head back. She walked in front of him back toward the path, and her stomach growled loudly. He laughed. "Guess we should get you some lunch."

"I'm starving." She admitted as she turned to walk toward the door.

When they got to the cabin, she helped him remake the bed and put away the now clean towels. He was quiet. Still brooding.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked as she closed the linen closet door. He mumbled some kind of response and walked away.

"Elliot?" She called and followed him back to the living room. He was gathering his duffle bag. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." What was he going to tell her? That he didn't know how to be in her life like this. On the outside. He didn't know how she'd done it for twelve years. He didn't think he'd been wrong about her feelings for him back then, but how could anyone ignore it for so long.

"Something's bothering you."

"It doesn't matter." It didn't matter. Just as she never crossed the line back then, he knew she wouldn't now.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes and stepped around him toward the door. Elliot dropped his bag and suddenly his hands were on her shoulders turning her back to him. He pulled her toward him for what she thought would be another desperate hug, something she still wasn't used to.

Instead, the next thing she knew his lips were on hers. It wasn't gentle, but it wasn't exactly fierce either. It was a kiss. Her first reaction was to freeze in shock. Then he became more demanding. One of his hands slid from her shoulder to the back of her neck to pull her mouth into his.

She should resist. She should stop this madness. But she couldn't seem to get a grip. He was using his teeth to nip at her bottom lip, and she couldn't focus on anything else. She needed to breathe, to push him away.

Olivia mumbled something against his lips. Instead of listening, he used the opportunity to deepen the kiss even more. He was relentless in his pursuit. She was lost to it. To him. But she knew she needed to stop this.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed hard enough to get her point across but not so hard that it would physically move him. He got the hint and withdrew. She pulled her head away from him. He didn't let go of her, so they were still nose to nose, their breathing ragged.

"What the hell was that?" She wrenched her shoulder from him and took a step back.

He watched her for minute. One of his hands had fallen from her shoulder but the other still loosely held her forearm.

"Elliot? I'm serious. What the hell was that?"

"I shouldn't have." He never stopped looking at her.

"Damn right." She shook her head at him. Ed would kill him.

"I know I shouldn't have," he repeated. "But I'm not sorry. I had to know."

She yanked her arm from his grip. "You had to know?! You had to know what?"

"Don't Olivia." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"It doesn't matter anymore." She wanted to slap him, punch him, shoot him. She opted to just walk away. He stopped her again with a hand on her bicep.

She spun back to him. "Elliot, don't push this. You crossed a line. A line we never crossed."

"Why didn't we?"

She wanted to scream. "We are not having this conversation now." Her voice had taken on the throaty quality she used on perps she was trying to break. It unnerved him.

"Olivia, if it doesn't matter anymore, let's just hash it out."

Once again, she yanked herself from his grasp and walked quickly toward her car. He picked up his bag and jogged after her. "Liv, we need to talk."

"If you want me to take you to get your car, you will get in right now and quit this bullshit."

Instead of walking to the passenger side, he moved to join her on the driver's side. Before he reached her, she got in and slammed the door. Then she rolled down the window a couple inches.

"I mean it Elliot," her voice was tight. "I will leave you here. It's at least ten miles into town. You really wanna walk that far? You think Uber works out here? I don't."

He studied her for a minute, and realized she was dead serious. She would actually leave him here. "Okay, Liv." He walked around and tossed his duffle in the back before climbing in next to her.

She slammed the car into gear and headed toward the police station. She laughed to herself. It's lucky for him we're going to be surrounded by police, otherwise I might kill him.

He saw her expression and knew exactly what she was thinking. "A station house full of cops wouldn't stop you."

She rolled her eyes at his ability to still know what she was thinking. "You're probably right." She did not want to talk about this, but she couldn't exactly ignore it either. Part of her wished she'd left him at the cabin and said to hell with him. Part of her still wanted to know what the hell he was thinking.

"Why?"

"You have to ask?" He mocked.

"After all the time we were partners, why _now_?" She wanted real answers.

"You're already lost to me, so…" His voice trailed off.

That wasn't what either of them were expecting. "Wow. I don't even know what to say to that."

They rode in silence the rest of the way. Her mind was reeling. She still didn't know what made him obliterate that line, but it made it so much easier for her to reach the decision to let him go. That realization made her pause.

"You knew," she whispered as she pulled into the police station parking lot.

"Knew what?"

She put the car in park and turned to look at him. "For weeks, Elliot, I've been trying to figure out if there's a place for you in my life."

He tilted his head toward her. He did know. "Now you know there isn't."

"I still just don't get it, though. All those years, we never." Because Elliot was married, or in some kind of limbo separation that wasn't quite divorce. That rekindled her anger. She would have never ever crossed that line out of regard for his marriage, but it was like her marriage wasn't as respectable to him.

"Is it because I married Tucker? You don't like him, so you don't respect my marriage?"

"What? Liv, no." That wasn't what he thought, was it? He hadn't thought of it that way, but now that she mentioned it. Maybe he did disrespect her matrimonial boundaries less because it was Tucker she was married to. Talk about a mind fuck.

"I never would have pulled this with you Elliot, never."

"I know. You always were the saint." He looked out the window. She was right. She never would have. Ever. "Liv, there were times you cared more about my marriage than I did."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All those years you tried to help me and Kathy. You never wondered what might have been if you'd just let it fall apart?"

Of course it had crossed her mind, but that was a lifetime ago.

When she didn't answer, he continued. "It's why you left after Gitano, isn't it?"

"I guess, partly. I don't know. It was…" she paused.

"Complicated," he finished the thought for her. "You told me."

"You weren't in a good place then, El. It wouldn't have been right."

"Like I said, you were always the saint."

She rolled her eyes. They both knew she'd had her fair share of un-saintly moments.

"I mean it. You were always trying to save me." He scrubbed his hand down his face again. "You kept my family together so many times; you helped me and my kids over and over. Even now, after I was a monumental ass, you still helped me and my family."

She shrugged at him. She didn't know what compelled her. Back then, she thought it was because he was her friend, and she needed to know that one family could make it work. She also knew that a part of her loved him. After he went back to Kathy and they had Eli, she buried all of those feelings in a corner of her mind not to be visited. Then he left.

"It wasn't right for me to do anything else. Partners was all we ever were. All we ever could be."

"I guess it wasn't meant to be."

She didn't have an answer to that. Her life had taken a path that wasn't always rosy, but she wouldn't give up Ed and the kids for anything. Or anyone.

"Another time and place, maybe things would have been different." He said quietly.

"Maybe. Or maybe things were exactly as they should have been."

Now he was the one at a loss for words.

"Elliot, I wouldn't trade my family for anything."

He nodded. He understood that. He wouldn't either.

"I also wouldn't trade the 12 years we had." She added softly. "It wasn't always perfect, but we made a good team, and we made a difference for a lot of vics. You made a difference to me. You mattered to me, Elliot."

Sometimes he hated her ability to find perspective in everything. "You mattered to me, too, more than I probably ever let you know."

"Go get your keys" she said quietly. "I'll drive you to the impound yard to get your car."

He'd expected her to just drop him off at this point. He knew he'd crossed a line, but he'd meant it when he said he wasn't sorry. In a way he thought this might give them the closure he'd denied them 12 years ago.

SVUSVUSVU

During the seventh inning stretch, a man in a blue polo shirt approached Ed and the two boys. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Yeah?" Ed answered.

"Are these your sons?"

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Ever the cop, Ed immediately questioned the stranger's motive.

"My name's Tim Brody, I work for the team." He pulled a Mets ID badge attached to a clip on his belt and showed it to Ed.

"Alright, this one here is my son, Noah." He said resting his hand on Noah's shoulder. "And that is Evan. Is there a problem?"

"No, nothing like that. One of our players saw your boy give his friend the fly ball he caught."

Noah and Evan were singing along to "Take me out to the ballgame" which was now blaring through the stadium speakers. They weren't even paying attention to the adults' conversation.

Brody continued. "He thought such an unselfish act deserved a reward. So if it's okay with you, we'd like to give you passes to a future batting practice, and I have a couple of autographed youth jerseys for the boys."

Ed nodded. "Hey guys," he called to get their attention as the song was ending. "This is Mr. Brody, he has something for you."

"Hi Noah and Evan." He shook the boys hands in turn. "First, we wanted to congratulate you on catching that foul ball."

Evan nudged Noah. Mr. Brody continued, "To acknowledge your generosity, we have a couple of presents for you."

The boys were completely floored when they saw the jerseys. Evan flipped. It was his favorite player, Mike Fasolli, the short stop. When Brody told them about the batting practice passes, Ed feared the kid would faint from excitement.

"Is this for real, Mr. Tucker? We can really go to batting practice?"

"Yeah, champ, it's for real."

"Just call the number on the pass to schedule a date." Brody told Ed.

He was about to prompt the boys to say thank you, when they beat him to it.

"Thank you so much." Evan gushed. "I can't believe this is happening. Noah, can you believe it?"

Noah looked at the jersey and passes, then at Evan. He thought it'd be fun, but he was more pleased with how happy it seemed to make his friend. "Thank you, sir. That's really cool."

The rest of the game went by in a blur. Evan couldn't quit raving about their luck and how awesome it would be to go to batting practice. Ed noticed that Noah seemed a little distracted by the gifts, but decided he'd ask him about it later.

After the game, Ed opted for a cab instead of the subway. He didn't feel like fighting the crowds. When they dropped Evan at his house, Ed explained to his mom about the batting practice passes and said that Liv would be in touch to figure out a time they could do it.

It was only about 10 blocks to their house, so Ed suggested to Noah that they walk. Noah just shrugged his acceptance and turned to start walking.

Ed had his hand on Noah's shoulder. "Hey Noah," he said as they were nearing their building.

"Yeah?"

"What made you think to give Evan the ball you caught?" Ed was genuinely surprised that he'd done it without any kind of prompting.

"Well, I don't know." He stopped walking and looked at his dad with a slight frown. "Did you want it?" Noah almost seemed upset.

"No, son." Ed laughed a little and put a hand on his shoulder. "I just wondered why you did it. All morning you talked about catching a foul ball, and then you so easily gave it away."

"I really just wanted to see if I could do it." He looked down at his hand and shook his wrist a bit. "It really stung my hand since I didn't have a mitt."

"I'll bet it did." Ed had been a little surprised Noah'd been able to hold onto the ball when he caught it with his bare hands.

"I guess I just thought that Evan's been so sad since his dad left, and he likes baseball more than me."

"That's very thoughtful, Noah. I'm proud of you." He rustled the boy's hair a little.

Noah ducked away from the praise and started them walking again. "Is that why you got us passes to batting practice?"

"I didn't get them for you. Fasolli saw what you did on the jumbo-tron, and he's the one who sent the stuff up."

"Really?" Noah couldn't seem to wrap his head around that.

"Yeah."

"But I didn't give the ball to Evan so I could get something. I just thought it would mean more to him than it did to me."

"It did. I don't think I've seen that kid smile so big in months." He watched Noah process their conversation for a minute. "Noah, you did the right thing giving him the ball and not expecting anything in return. Sometimes the good things we do don't get recognized, but we do them because we're good people."

"That's what mom always says we she wants me to do something I don't want to, like let Nik play with my stuff."

"And that's still true." He knocked Noah's shoulder with his arm.

"Does that mean I shouldn't have taken the jersey and passes?" Noah looked worried again.

"No, that's not what I meant at all." Ed smiled. Noah had been going through a phase of worrying about his own motives and doing the right thing. "Sometimes you will be recognized for the good you do, and it's okay to accept it. Just don't expect a reward every time."

"Okay." Noah gave him a thoughtful look before he ran up the stairs to their building. "Do you think Mom's home yet? I wanna show her my jersey."

"I think she's on her way, buddy." In the elevator on the way up, Ed texted Liv then Amanda to let her know she could bring Nicole home or to text Olivia if she wanted Liv stop to get her on her way back.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia checked her watch, it was almost 2pm. They'd foregone lunch, so she'd have to stop for something before hitting the road. Right now, she was waiting for Elliot at the gate of the impound yard. He was signing some papers then he'd meet her to get his stuff from her car.

It was a beautiful afternoon, so while she was waiting, she decided to let the top down on the Mustang. Then she texted Ed to let him know she'd be home about the same time as he a Noah got back from the game. She was just finishing up when Elliot drove out of the gate.

He stopped his car next to hers and hopped out to get his bag from her backseat. "Decided to put the top down?"

"Yeah, it's such a nice day." There was a hint of awkwardness creeping in. They both knew this was goodbye, and neither knew how to do that.

He reached into her car to grab his bag and then tossed it through the still open door of his car into the passenger seat. Then he turned back to her.

They stood there staring at each other for what seemed like forever. "Liv, I'm sorry for the way I left you. I'm sorry for the way I came back. But I'm not sorry we finally got a chance to…" What? What was this? He didn't know. He looked at her, hoping she still knew what he meant.

"Closure, Elliot, we finally have closure."

He smiled sadly. Then he took a step in her direction. She stiffened.

He laughed a little melancholy laugh. "I just wanna give you a hug."

She sighed and let him. They held each other tight. When he finally let go, they both had unshed tears in their eyes.

She reached for her car door. "Goodbye, Elliot."

"Bye, Liv."

He watched as she got in her car to leave. This time he let her go.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you! Thank you! To all who've been reading and reviewing this story. Sorry, I've been slow to get on with it. :) I thought there was only one more chapter, but the muse brought more. This one is a bit short, but there's definitely more to come!

 _Elliot smiled sadly. Then he took a step in her direction. She stiffened._

 _He laughed a little melancholy laugh. "I just wanna give you a hug."_

 _She sighed and let him. They held each other tight. When he finally let go, they both had unshed tears in their eyes._

 _She reached for her car door. "Goodbye, Elliot."_

" _Bye, Liv."_

 _He watched as she got in her car to leave. This time he let her go._

Olivia dropped her sunglasses over her eyes as she pulled onto the highway. She only let a few tears fall before she took a deep breath and willed her emotions back under control.

It was a strange thing. To know. This time, to really know. That this was it. They were saying goodbye. After today, she knew it was the only option. It wasn't that she feared something more would happen. Olivia was committed to her marriage. But she knew Ed would never be comfortable with it, now even more so.

She stopped at a roadside gas station and bought a bottle of water and granola bar. It wasn't the lunch she's skipped, but it'd hold her until dinner. Dinner with Ed and the kids. She knew Ed would want to know how things went and that she'd be unable to completely mask her feelings.

What she didn't know was if she'd tell him about the kiss. It would only upset him, but could she not tell him? What if he somehow found out? Not likely, since she and Elliot were the only ones that knew. There was still something in her that didn't feel right about keeping the truth from Ed. A lie of omission was still a lie.

All of this was running through her mind when Elliot's borrowed car slowed slightly as he passed the station. He saw her walking back to her car, and it pained him to know that was likely the last time he would ever see her. She may have closure, but he felt like he was throwing away a second chance.

He knew that didn't matter. Olivia had made herself very clear about his place, or lack thereof, in her life.

Olivia shed a couple more tears that hit her out of the blue when an old Adele song came on the radio. She swiped at her eyes annoyed with her emotions. It was for the best, and it wasn't like he'd been a part of her life for the better part of the last 12 years. Right now, she just wanted to get home to her family and back to their brand of normal.

Luckily, she made excellent time and was able to pick Nicole up from Amanda's before dinner. Ed texted. He said that he and Noah were making spaghetti, and it should be ready by the time they got home.

Nicole was rambling on about her day with Amanda and Jesse. Olivia smiled at her through the rearview mirror. It calmed her to see her daughter's innocence and uninhibited joy from the simplest of things.

Twenty minutes later they were home. Olivia smiled at the sight that greeted them. Ed was draining the pasta while Noah sat the table. Nicole ran into the kitchen and threw her arms around Ed's legs almost knocking him into the counter.

"Daddy!"

"Hey there, princess." He laughed at her enthusiasm as he dumped the pasta into a bowl. Then scooped her up into a hug before spinning her around and putting her down. "I guess you had a fun day with Amanda and Jesse."

She immediately launched into all the details of her day with finger painting and a movie. He tried to keep up while he finished putting their meal together.

Olivia threw a quick smile to Ed and went to give Noah a hug. "Something smells good."

"Dad let me make the sauce and the garlic bread." Noah told her proudly.

"Mmm, then I'm sure it will be extra delicious." They moved back into the kitchen as Ed was pulling the bread out of the oven. "Need me to do anything."

"Nope, tonight the Tucker men are making dinner for the girls." He winked at her. She just rolled her eyes. Sometimes they were so corny.

She noticed the bottle of wine on the counter and decided she could at least open it. But Ed shooed her away. "I told you, we're taking care of it."

"It's just opening a bottle." She said in mock frustration.

He took the bottle from her and put a hand on her hip steering her toward the door. "Why don't you take Nicole and get freshened up for dinner. It'll be ready in just a couple more minutes."

She threw her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. Come on, Nicole. Let's get you washed up for dinner."

Ten minutes later, she came back to find candles and flowers on the table, glasses of wine for her and Ed and water for the kids, and her two guys smiling at the pleased look on her face.

"Look, Mommy, they made us a fancy dinner." Nicole said climbing onto her chair. This would likely fuel her belief that she is an actual princess.

"I see, baby." Olivia said as she kissed Noah on the top of his head. "What's the occasion?"

"We just thought it would be nice to do something nice for you, since you've been so busy lately." Noah acted like it was no big deal. And in truth, it wasn't, but the simple gesture threatened to bring on the tears.

Ed pulled out her chair and then sat down beside her. "Who needs an occasion?" He said softly. Then he scooted her chair a little closer to him and kissed her neck.

She ran her hand over his cheek and neck. "Thank you." This was exactly what she needed, dinner with her family. It almost made her forget the rest of her day.

"So how was the baseball game?" She asked.

For the rest of their dinner, Noah told about the game and catching the ball. Nicole seemed pretty impressed with her big brother's tales.

"Can I see the ball?" She asked.

Noah looked at Ed almost embarrassed. Ed just nodded at him, encouraging him to go on. Noah explained that he gave the ball to his friend. Then Ed saved him by telling the rest about the batting practice and jerseys. That got Noah excited again and he promised to show them his jersey after dinner.

"I'm so proud of you, Noah." Olivia said, and Ed caught the tears she was quickly blinking away. "That was an incredibly selfless and thoughtful thing to do."

Ed squeezed her shoulder. "He's had a pretty good example." He caught a little more in her eyes this time. He so desperately wanted to ask how things went with Elliot because she seemed a little distant. That could wait. Instead he just let his hand drape around the back of her chair. He traced little patterns on her arm as they listened to the kids' banter.

She leaned into him and let out a heavy breath. He held her just a little tighter. She wished it could just be like this, that none of the morning and afternoon had happened. Until she told him about what happened with Elliot, she felt guilty acting like everything was okay.

Suddenly she pulled from his grasp and sat up straight. He watched her pour another glass of wine for herself and then tilt the bottle toward his without looking at him. He pushed his glass to her for a refill. He was startled by her quick change of demeanor. It only made him more curious about her day with Stabler.

Olivia insisted that she and Nicole would do clean up since the guys had cooked. She just wanted a minute. A respite from the guilt she felt when he looked at her. This was ridiculous. She didn't ask for this.

After the kids were in bed, Ed split the remaining wine into two glasses and joined Olivia in the living room. She gratefully accepted it and put her phone down beside her.

"Wanna talk about it?" He prompted.

"Not really." She looked down at the wine in her glass and tried to will herself to say something.

"You don't have to."

"Yeah, I do." She turned her head just enough that she could see him, but she couldn't hold his gaze. She leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees and went back to studying her wine glass. The move caused her hair to cover her face from his views.

"Liv?" He tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned down. "Just tell me. What happened?" He had a bad feeling about this. She'd been hesitant to talk to him about Stabler before, but this seemed different.

"Elliot's gone." She whispered.

He had to make an effort not to let his relief show. He was glad, but it killed him that she was this upset about him leaving again. First, because he couldn't stand to see her hurting. And second, because he hated that she felt anything for her old partner. Call it jealousy or whatever, he just didn't like Stabler taking up any space in his wife's head or heart.

"I'm sorry, Liv." He put his hand on her knee.

"Don't." She stood and walked to the window.

"Don't what? Comfort you?" He watched her from behind wishing he could see her eyes but opting to give her some space until she said whatever she was trying to tell him.

"There's more to it."

"He left again. It's okay to feel something about that."

She sighed and her shoulders slumped a little more. She took a sip of her wine and sat the glass down on a shelf near the window.

"I told him to go."

He wasn't expecting that. As much as he'd felt guilty for it, he'd hoped Stabler would bolt again because he doubted Olivia wouldn't just walk away from him. He was desperate to know what would change her attitude.

She grabbed her wine and quickly downed the rest of it. She sat the glass down a little harder than she intended. Ed got up to join her.

"Whatever it is, just tell me." He put his hands on her shoulders and stood behind her.

"I don't know how." She took one of his hands and squeezed it hard.

"Rip off the bandaid." He offered. "It's never as bad as you think it's gonna be."

She huffed and shook her head slightly. He had no idea what she was about to drop on him, but he was right. Dragging it out wouldn't make it any better or easier.

"He kissed me." She said it so quickly it was almost morphed into one word. Then she let go of his hand and started to turn toward him.

He didn't said a word or make a move, so she dared a glance at him. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were fixed on the window.

"Ed?" She needed him to look at her so she could better gauge his reaction. He wouldn't budge.

"Look, I didn't want him to. I stopped it, and I tore him a knew one for it."

He closed his eyes and sighed. What the hell? Fucking Stabler. He'd kill him. With his bare hands. Kill him. Or maybe just cripple him, let him suffer. He felt Olivia's hand on his arm and almost leapt away from her. Right now, he saw red. Right now, he wanted to put his fist through a wall. Right now, it was he who needed space.

She understood. He'd been more understanding about Stabler than she'd had a right to expect. And this is what he gets. Of course, she could tell him it meant nothing, that it was just a stupid kiss. But even she didn't believe that. It had meant something. That's why it was the nail that sealed the coffin for her and Elliot.

"Please, just say something." She gave him the physical space he demanded, but she couldn't bear his silence.

He shook his head. "What is there to say?"

"Ed, yell at me. Tell me you're pissed. Just say something. Anything." She was almost pleading.

"I am pissed. At him." He looked at her briefly. "At you. At this whole fucked up situation."

"Okay." She let out a breath she'd been holding when he first started talking. He was speaking, that was a start.

"I don't know what more you expect me to say, Olivia." He looked at her this time. It killed her to see the anger and hurt directed toward her. Sure it was Elliot, but it was also her. She put that look in his eyes.

"I guess that's fair." She said.

"Fair," he twisted his neck until it popped. "Nothing about this is fair. I went way out on a limb with you. I didn't want you involved in Stabler's drama from the get, but you insisted. I supported your decisions to help him again and again, against my own better judgment. I didn't fight you when it seemed you wanted to find a place for him after his case was resolved. I wanted to, but I didn't."

He was pacing now. It seemed that once he started, he had plenty to say. "I tried everyday to be the good husband and support you. Even when it killed me to feel like you were so eager to have him back in your life."

She wanted to stop him. She wasn't _eager_. He looked right at her again, like he knew she was about to interrupt him. His icy stare silenced her.

"I never understood you two. Ever. But I tried, for you. For _my_ wife. And the bastard repays me by making our lives a train wreck for the past few months and then he makes a move on you?"

His voice was so even it was almost eerie. "You're right." She whispered.

He ignored her. "He better pray our paths never cross. Ever."

She shivered at the warning. They should all pray for that.

She wanted to explain, but she didn't know where to begin.

"There's nothing to say." He said as he walked away from her.

At first she thought he was heading to their bedroom, presumably to take a shower or just take a minute. When she saw him grabbing his keys and wallet she panicked.

"Where are you going?" She quickly moved between him and the door. "Please, Ed. Stay."

He looked around for his phone and spotted it on the coffee table. Without a word, he retrieved it and headed back to the door.

"Let's just talk." They never just walked away without some kind of resolution.

"Olivia, I need some space." He reached for the doorknob, and she put her hand on his. He did feel bad when he saw the pain and fear in her eyes. But he just needed to beat the hell out of something. "I'm going to the gym, then I'll probably go to the office."

It was almost 10pm. Was he planning on staying away all night? This was bad. Really bad.

"Look, I love you." His words were genuine but still sounded a bit forced. "I know we agreed not to walk away angry, but this is a whole new level. I just need a little time alone to cool off."

She realized she wasn't going to win this one. He'd been understanding with her every time she left to help Elliot, so she could do the same now that everything had blown up in her face. Ed was innocent in this whole mess, yet he was the one who ended up getting hurt. What did she expect him to do?

"Okay," she said and dropped her hand from his on the doorknob and stepped to the side giving him room to pass. As he was leaving she slid her hand down his arm and choked out, "I love you, too."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So sorry for the long delay in updating. It's been a crazy few weeks with work and travel, and the muse just wasn't cooperating. But now I'm back!

Chapter 13

" _Look, I love you." The words were genuine but still sounded a bit forced. "I know we agreed not to walk away angry, but this is a whole new level of… I just need a little time alone to cool off."_

 _Olivia realized she wasn't going to win this one. He'd been understanding with her every time she left to help Elliot, so she could do the same now that everything had blown up in her face. Ed was innocent in this whole mess, yet he was the one who ended up getting hurt. What did she expect him to do?_

" _Okay," she said and dropped her hand from his on the doorknob and stepped to the side giving him room to pass. As he was leaving she slid her hand down his arm and choked out, "I love you, too, Ed."_

Olivia finally climbed into bed around 1am. Ed still wasn't home. She wanted to call or text him, but she agreed to give him time and space.

Across town, Ed stood in the shower at the gym until the water ran cold. He'd beat the hell out of a punching bag, lifted weights and pounded his feet on a treadmill trying to relieve the tension and anger. He just couldn't get the image out of his mind.

Every time he'd get himself calmed down, he'd hear her words. _Stabler kissed her. He put his hands on her._ Boom! He was worked up again.

"Dammit." He said to the empty shower room as he slammed his hand against the tile.

He should get dressed and go home. He knew she was probably freaking out. Part of him thought she deserved a little angst. He'd put up with plenty over the past few months. Part of him just wanted to go home and climb into bed with her and forget everything.

He didn't go home. He headed in that direction, but stopped at bar along the way. Enough bourbon would quiet his mind.

It was 4am when he finally crept into their bedroom. Olivia was asleep, but he could tell she'd been restless. The covers were tangled around her, and she was lying on her back with an arm thrown over her head.

She stirred when he dropped onto the bed. He didn't bother trying to get his side of the covers from her. Even with the serious buzz he had going, it wasn't likely he'd sleep tonight.

"You're home." She mumbled without fully waking. The hand that was above her head slid down and reached for him.

"Yeah, go back to sleep." He felt her hand rest on his, and while he didn't return the gesture, he didn't shrug her off either.

In her sleepy state she barely registered the smell of the soap they had at his gym and bourbon. He never drank after working out because he said it defeated the purpose. Of course, what he did tonight wasn't really working out. What he did tonight was work the hell out of his body in an effort to quiet his mind. When that didn't work, he went for the numbing effects of a good drink.

Amazingly enough they both managed to get a few hours of uneasy sleep before the kids woke them up. It was Sunday, usually a lazy family day at home before getting back to school and work the next day. Today, they were both almost relieved when Liv got called in just after breakfast.

Breakfast was so quiet. Ed and Olivia barely spoke. Even the kids seemed to realize something was amiss. Noah was amazed he was able to sneak his iPad to the breakfast table, and Nicole still had her little stuffed owl that she slept with every night. That was one rule Ed and Olivia always enforced. Unless it was one of their job's calling, they didn't allow phones, tablets, games or toys at the table. Table time was family time.

Today, none of that seemed to matter. So Noah and Nicole ate their breakfast in near silence. Noah watched his parents and wondered what was going on. When he went to bed last night everyone seemed happy. Now, it was just weird and quiet.

Almost an hour later, Olivia met Barba at the hospital. The victim in a pending rape case had been attacked just outside her apartment the night before, and she was due to testify in court first thing in the morning. Barba wanted to put in a request to postpone the trial, but the girl, 23-year-old Cara, said it didn't matter. She didn't want to testify anymore. She just wanted it to be over. Barba asked Liv to come talk to her.

When the rape happened, Fin had been the lead on her case, but Cara was reluctant to talk to him and asked for a woman. Amanda was tied up in court at the time, so Olivia had been the one she finally opened up to. Barba knew that if anyone could get through to her, it would be Liv.

Olivia was thankful for her years of training that allowed her to park her personal issues in the back of her mind and focus on the matter at hand. She listened to the young girl, and it broke her heart. So far, they hadn't been able to identify her most recent attacker, but it was likely not a coincidence that the attack happened the day before she was due to testify against her rapist, the cocky older brother of her best friend. Her very wealthy best friend.

It took three hours of listening and sympathizing, but Olivia was finally able to convince Cara to testify. She also put a protective detail on her just to be safe. The girl hadn't sustained any major injuries, just a few bruises and abrasions. So they opted not to request a delay in the trial. Olivia was going to see her home and then put a patrol car outside her house all night.

While they were waiting for Cara to be discharged, Barba tracked down some coffee and pulled her into an empty waiting area. He'd noticed the bags under her eyes and slightly puffy face. He wondered if this was more drama from her old partner.

"It's terrible coffee, but you look like you could use it."

"Thanks."

"Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I really screwed up."

"Your old partner?"

Her eyes snapped to his. Was it that obvious?

"I haven't seen anything rattle you as much as he has recently." Then he quietly added, "Or Ed."

She explained about her taking Elliot to deal with things at the cabin, the kiss, Ed's silence and outburst.

"He has every right to be upset." She admitted.

"Uh, yeah."

"I really don't need the sass right now."

"Sorry, Liv."

"I feel like Ed blames me, but it's not like I asked for this to happen." She dropped her head into her hand. "I had no idea this was coming."

"Are you sure?"

She turned to look him in the eye. "What's that supposed to mean?" Did he think she wanted this?

"Liv, in all the times you saw Elliot over the past couple months, you're telling me there was nothing he did? Nothing he said that made you think his attitude toward you had changed?"

She shook her head. Then she remembered all the casual touches, hugs, the clinging then pushing her away. Maybe there was a hint, and she just didn't pick up on it because she'd spent her life convincing herself it wasn't there.

"Maybe there was? I don't know."

"You didn't want to see it."

They chatted a few more minutes. He tried to reassure her that Ed would come around.

"He just needs some time, Liv." He stood and threw the rest of his cold coffee in a nearby trashcan.

She followed suit. "I know. Thanks Raf."

He gave her a sideways smile. Despite their years of friendship, she almost always referred to him as Barba. Rafael, just didn't seem to fall from her lips easily. Then there were those times like this when she was feeling vulnerable and recognized the depth of their bond. She'd drop a "Raf" on him, like it was the most normal thing in the world. He wondered if she knew her ability to make someone feel important and valued with a simple word. He honestly wasn't surprised Stabler took a shot.

She bumped him with her shoulder and brought him out of his thoughts. He put an arm around her and gave her a reassuring squeeze before heading for the door. "See you in court tomorrow."

SVUSVUSVU

Ed was still tired from only getting three hours of sleep. Well, that and the emotional turmoil of the past 24 hours. He let Noah play on his tablet for way more than the two hours he was usually allotted on a Sunday, and Nicole had watched at least three princess movies.

The original plan was to eat a late dinner with Liv, so he got both kids bathed and ready for bed early. They could just eat in their PJ's.

Then, Olivia had texted that she was going to see the victim home and would be late for dinner. Ed didn't have the energy to cook or deal with the kids' differing tastes, so he didn't even make an attempt at a compromise. He just ordered two pizza's, one with Noah's favorite, pepperoni, and one with Nicole's, plain cheese.

It was almost 8:00pm when they'd finished. Ed was getting Nicole in bed and asking her what story she wanted tonight when Noah joined them.

"Can't you just make up a story, Daddy?"

Olivia had been reading Nicole a little chapter book about a girl who rescued a lost kitten and how they became best friends. Nicole only let Olivia read her that book. They were on their fifth time through it, at least.

One night when Liv worked late, Ed had made the mistake of making up a princess story staring the one and only, Princess Nicole. Now that's all she wanted.

Noah threw himself across the foot of Nicole's bed to listen to the story. Ed felt a bit of sadness and guilt knowing that his son was seeking the comfort of family because he'd felt the tension between his parents earlier.

Ed spent the next 20 minutes weaving a tale of knights, a princess and a secret treasure. He added the knights and treasure for Noah's benefit, but Nicole seemed as equally enthralled with the adventure as with the fairytale part.

After they got Nicole tucked in, Ed ushered Noah to his room and offered him 15 minutes of reading time. Noah shocked him by saying he was ready to go to sleep. Usually they had to pry the book or tablet out of the kid's hand at the end of the night.

"Hey Dad," Noah called as Ed was about to close the bedroom door.

"Yeah, Son?"

"Is Mom going to be okay?"

That wasn't what Ed was expecting. "Of course she is." He wanted to ask what brought on the question, but he was honestly afraid of the answer.

"She just seems sad lately. So do you."

Ed sighed. This kid and his perceptiveness and empathy.

"Noah, your Mom and I are fine." He was taking one out of Olivia's 'I'm fine' playbook with that one. He walked back toward the bed and kissed the boy on the top of his head then ruffled his hair. Lately, Noah rarely allowed such displays of affection from his dad, but he didn't protest this time. Noah looked at him with uncertainty in his eyes.

"There's just some grown up things going on right now that have us both a little…" He paused while he searched for the right word.

"Stressed." Noah said simply.

Ed couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him. Noah really was his mother's son. Ed headed back toward the door.

"Hey Dad," Noah once again called. "I love you."

Ed was floored. Unsolicited 'I love you's' were less and less common at this age. "I love you, too, Noah. Goodnight." He shut the door and leaned against the opposite wall. Leave it to their ten year old son to put his life back in perspective.

He worried that the tension between him and Liv had permeated the boy's awareness. That was something he realized might be inevitable, but it didn't make it any easier. It made him all the more determined to get to Olivia and talk to her.

He absolutely hated that Elliot had kissed his wife. He hated even more that he wasn't 100% certain that there wasn't a part of her that wanted him to. More than any of that, he loved her. He loved his family. And he was willing to do whatever it took to get them back to a good place. To hold on to them.

With that in mind, he texted Olivia to see how much later she was going to be. An hour went by, and she still hadn't responded. Normally, he wouldn't be concerned. The job sometimes got intense and made it impossible to call or text, but he knew that she'd been planning on leaving the hospital a couple hours ago. There shouldn't be a reason that she couldn't at least send a tick tock text. That's what they did when they didn't have time to respond but wanted to let the other know that they'd gotten the message. They sent a clock emoji. _Tick tock, I'll get back to you soon._

She hadn't texted a word. He'd texted her once before dinner and again before the kids' bedtime. That was three texts over 4 hours. She hadn't responded to any of them. Ed called her. Voicemail.

He didn't like this. He couldn't remember who had called her in. Fin or Barba? He thought he remembered her saying something about court. He called Barba.

After hearing the details of the day, Ed was worried. So was Barba. He'd left her at the hospital over three hours ago. She was putting Cara in a cab at the time, so they'd had more than enough time to get her home in Brooklyn, arrange for local PD to patrol and for Liv to get back to Manhattan.

"Did she say anything else to you?" Ed wondered if maybe she was just upset and went somewhere alone.

"She told me what happened." Barba said quickly.

Ed hung his head. He didn't know what else to say or do. For a minute, he was paralyzed.

"I'm sure she's fine. She probably just needed sometime to herself."

"Yeah," Ed mumbled, but he knew better. If she needed time to herself, she would have texted him. She would have told him she was going to be late. She wouldn't just ignore him and their kids. He was reaching full-blown panic mode.

"No, she wouldn't do that without calling or texting me." Ed said switching gears. "Can you call Carisi and Rollins? I'm going to call Fin. Something's not right."

"Okay, sure." Barba was feeling worse and worse as their conversation continued. He couldn't imagine what would cause Olivia to go radio silent. It wasn't like her. Besides, when he left her, she was determined to get Cara home so she could get herself home and talk to Ed.

SVUSVUSVU

Carisi headed over to Cara's apartment. Rollins went to Ed and Olivia's so she could stay with the kids. Normally, Ed would have just called Melody, but if Liv was in some kind of danger he wanted a cop with them, and not just any cop.

Things had been awkward between Ed and Amanda in the early months even years of his relationship with Liv, but they'd eventually gotten to a place of mutual trust. The fact that their daughters were best of friends helped.

Fin and Barba were also at the apartment, which for now had become a de facto command center. Fin had TARU put a trace on her phone but right now it seemed it was off or the battery was dead because they weren't getting a signal.

Olivia had already sent uni's to Cara's rapist's apartment earlier in the night. He was no where to be found, so they left an unmarked car outside. Fin was just informing the group that the guy still hadn't shown when Ed slammed his hand down on the counter.

"Dammit!" Ed practically shouted. Amanda shot him a warning look. The last thing they needed was for one of the kids to wake up and find a kitchen full of cops. There was no need worrying them until they had more information.

"Why don't you head to precinct?" Fin suggested to Ed and Barba. "Pull Cara's file and see if there's anything in it. I'm going to check out the dirtbag's buddy. Idiot's facing time for obstruction because he lied about his friend's whereabouts the night of the rape."

They agreed to next steps. Ed was heading out the door with Barba, when his phone rang. Ed didn't recognize the number. He motioned for everyone to be quiet before accepting the call.

"Tucker."

"It's Stabler."

"Not a good time."

"I'm with Olivia at the hospital."

Ed almost dropped the phone and had to brace himself against the wall.

"She's gonna be okay." Elliot added quickly. "She was attacked. Took a pretty bad blow to the head, but the doc says she should regain consciousness soon."

"Regain consciousness?" Ed said, barely audible.

Just then Amanda's phone rang. It was Carisi. He'd gotten to Cara's and found her missing. Olivia's phone and bag were on the floor inside her door and there was blood on the phone, the exterior doorknob and the wall outside the apartment.

Barba and Fin were desperately trying to follow both conversations. It was Ed's command, "Stabler, just tell me what hospital." That caught their attention. _Stabler? How the hell was he involved in this?_

The next few minutes were complete chaos with everyone getting filled in, and Ed trying desperately to get out the door and to the hospital. Barba insisted on going with him. When he heard that it was Elliot Stabler with Liv at the hospital, he knew someone would have to keep Ed from killing the guy. And he knew that neither of them would want the rest of the squad to know exactly why.

Carisi stayed at Cara's to make sure the crime scene was processed properly and see what other evidence he could find. Fin decided to head to the perp's friend's house as planned just in case he showed up there. Barba promised to keep them all updated on Liv's condition as soon as they had more information.

Ed looked stricken as they got on the elevator. All last night and all day today he'd been angry with her. He barely spoke to her before she left the house this morning. He'd blamed her for the situation. Now she was unconscious in a hospital. He couldn't bear the thought of her hurt and alone thinking he was mad at her.

Barba didn't know what to say. Given everything that had happened over the last couple of days, he knew that Ed was reeling.

"Let's just get to the hospital. I'm sure she's gonna be okay." Barba tried to be reassuring.

Ed didn't say a word. When the elevator doors opened, he just led the way outside and toward the corner to hail a taxi.

A/N: Don't hate me, I have another update on the way very soon!


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, you have no idea how encouraging they are. Hence why I have an update so soon - two days people! I'm especially floored by any EO fans who are giving this a shot and are even rooting for Tuckson. Thank you!

Hopefully, this gives you some of what you wanted. Things are definitely getting heated! And I promise another update soon soon!

Chapter 14

 _Ed looked stricken as they got on the elevator. All last night and all day today he'd been angry with her. He barely spoke to her before she left the house this morning. He'd blamed her for the situation. Now she was unconscious in a hospital. He couldn't bear the thought of her hurt and alone thinking he was mad at her._

 _Barba didn't know what to say. Given everything that had happened over the last couple of days, he knew that Ed was reeling inside._

" _Let's just get to the hospital. I'm sure she's gonna be okay."_

 _Ed didn't say a word. When the elevator doors opened, he just led the way outside and toward the corner to hail a taxi._

The cab ride to the hospital was tense to say the least. Ed was shouting at the cab driver most of the way, telling him to go to faster, take this route or that.

Barba couldn't blame him. He wanted to get there as fast as possible, too, but he felt bad for the poor cabbie when Ed flashed his badge and threaten to arrest him if he didn't get them to the hospital in the next five minutes. If not for the seriousness of the situation, it would have been funny.

Finally, after an agonizing half hour, they arrived at the hospital. Barba had to practically sprint to keep up with Ed as they raced through the doors of the ER. When he caught up to him, Ed was leaning over the counter half begging, half demanding information from the nurse at the window.

The security guard near the entrance heard tense voices and started toward them. Barba immediately intervened and told the guard that Ed was a cop whose wife was possibly just injured in the line of duty. He also promised to quiet him down while they waited for the doctor to come get them. He knew that was an impossible task, but he hoped the doctor wouldn't keep them waiting.

"Ed, the doctor's on his way." Barba said, pulling Ed back from the counter as best he could. "Just give them a couple minutes. Two minutes."

Ed shrugged him off, but stepped back from the window. He turned and stared at the doors blocking his path to Olivia as if he could will them to open.

Luckily, Barba was right, and the doctor didn't keep them waiting. He appeared within minutes and escorted them back to another waiting area.

"Where is my wife?" Ed was beyond frustrated when he wasn't led directly to Olivia.

"We sent her for a CT," the doctor calmly replied.

Barba had to give the guy credit. He didn't even flinch when Ed got right in his face. Instead he just put a hand on Ed's arm and calmly started explaining.

Olivia had been brought in unconscious, with no ID. She was found by a pizza delivery boy in the stairwell of Cara's building. She'd suffered blunt force trauma to the back of her head and at least two stab wounds, one to the forearm and one just below her collar bone. She'd lost a lot of blood and had multiple bruises on her legs and torso.

There was so much unknown. How had Olivia ended up in the stairwell? Why were her belongings inside Cara's apartment but she wasn't? How the hell did Stabler figure into all this?

As if on cue, Stabler rounded the corner with a detective that Ed vaguely recognized but couldn't place. He was carrying a tray of coffees. Barba had never met Stabler, but he automatically knew it was him. He quickly tried to intercept.

Seeing the hard look on Tucker's face, Elliot shrugged and handed the tray to the detective. "I thought some coffee might…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Ed had him up against the wall, the collar of his jacket held tightly in both hands. "You need to leave. Now."

In an odd turn of events, Elliot remained calm and didn't resist the hold. "Hey, I was just waiting for you to get here, so she wouldn't be alone."

"Sir," the doctor made a move to intervene.

Barba held up a hand and asked him to give him just a minute to get it under control. That seemed to be all he was doing, begging for time to calm Tucker down.

"Ed, now is not the time." Barba warned softly. "If they call security…," he tried to pull Tucker back, but was shrugged off. It was a cold, quiet stand off between two hot heads.

"Look, do you want to be stuck in a security office in the basement of this hospital explaining to some uni why they had to restrain you? Or do you want to be here when Liv gets back from the scan?" Barba was desperate.

That got Ed's attention. He loosened his hold on Stabler just slightly, and the tension in the room went down a little bit. Enough for the doctor to decide to give it a couple minutes to diffuse before taking further action.

"What the hell are you doing here, Stabler?" Ed still had his hands on Elliot's collar but his arms were no longer pressing him into the wall.

"Take your hands off me, and I'll explain." Elliot didn't raise his voice, but his tone was curt.

At this point, Barba and the doctor were transfixed. It was like watching two wild bucks try to show restraint. The other detective, who seemed to know Stabler and recognize Tucker, stood ready to intervene. But the look on his face said that it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I need to go check on some other patients," the doctor interrupted. "Everything going to be okay in here if I leave?"

Everyone nodded except Ed.

"Tucker, think of Olivia. Forget this guy." Barba pushed.

After a very long minute, he completely let go of Stabler and took a step back. Temporarily satisfied, the doctor shot the detective a look and left them alone.

Elliot adjusted his jacket. Then he walked over and grabbed a cup of coffee before dropping into a chair.

"I thought I told you to leave." Ed said.

"Which is it? You want me to leave? Or you want me to tell you why I'm here?"

Ed started toward Elliot, but the other detective moved to block him.

"You don't want to get involved in this Detective…?" Ed warned.

"Detective Morris, and you're right I don't. Just want to make sure everything's okay."

"It's fine Morris," Elliot said from behind them. "We just need to clear up a few things."

"Why don't you both give us a few minutes?" Ed said to Morris and Barba.

Elliot nodded to Morris who headed back toward the front lobby. Barba wasn't so sure.

"I'm not gonna kill the guy." Ed told him. Barba didn't miss that he didn't promise not to pummel him, but he walked around the corner anyway. He tried to stay within earshot, so he could squash anything before it got too out of hand.

"Start talking." That was the last thing Barba heard Ed say before he was too far away to make out their words.

Ed listened as Elliot explained the past few hours. It appeared that Olivia and Cara had been ambushed as soon as they got to the woman's apartment. Olivia was knocked out, and Cara was no where to be found. Somehow, during the struggle Olivia's purse and phone ended up inside the apartment, but the perp left her either unconscious or wounded outside of it. It looked like she'd tried to get back in, but was unable to.

Cara didn't live in a traditional apartment building, but an old converted brownstone. Each floor was a different apartment. Olivia must have been trying to get downstairs to the neighbor's when she lost consciousness.

Without ID, the police and EMTs who arrived at the scene had no idea who she was and treated her just like any other vic. When they conducted their initial exam, they found the burner cell in her jacket pocket.

Olivia didn't even realize the phone was there. It was the jacket she'd worn the last time she saw Elliot. In her haste to get to the hospital and then to get Cara home, she hadn't registered the phone. It was a simple phone, used only to call or text. Luckily, she hadn't bothered to password protect it. That's how they found Elliot.

Once Elliot got to the hospital and confirmed her identity, he went to work trying to contact Ed. He knew Kathleen had his cell number from the time Tucker had gone to meet her when they suspected she was being followed. Elliot explained the rest as quickly as he could.

"That's it."

Ed paced the room. It was plausible, and part of him was grateful that she'd been identified so quickly. The other part of him wanted to beat the living hell out of Stabler.

Elliot didn't want to push it. He wanted to stay and make sure Olivia was okay, but he could do that somewhere else. He didn't know if Olivia would have told Tucker about what happened at the cabin, but he didn't want to push his luck.

"I'll just be leaving." Elliot threw his half empty coffee cup in the trash can and headed out of the small waiting area.

It took everything in Ed not to tackle the guy, but he didn't want to get kicked out of the hospital or cause a scene and not be there when Olivia got back from getting the scan. Turned out to be a wise choice. Just as Stabler rounded the corner, Detective Morris was back. Barba followed a few seconds later having seen Liv's old partner heading for the lobby.

"Everything okay?" Barba said, noting the tension radiating off of Tucker.

"Fine." The response almost a growl.

"What happened to her?" Barba asked.

Morris looked to Tucker who nodded his permission. He filled Barba in on the details that Ed had just heard from Stabler. Barba shook his head. After everything that happened, it just had to turn out that Stabler somehow got inserted back into their lives. This wasn't what they needed. But at this point, he was relieved that a fight hadn't broken out.

After what felt like hours, but was really only about 45 minutes, the doctor returned. Olivia was finished with the scan.

"We had to sedate her because she started to wake before we got her to the CT. She was pretty agitated, but we didn't want to waste anymore time," the doctor explained. "She'll be awake in about an hour."

"How is she?" Ed's voice wavered. They stopped just outside the door to the room she'd been moved to for overnight observation. The doctor opened the door and ushered Ed in.

He sucked in a hard breath when he saw her. A nurse was injecting something into the IV bag attached to a tube in her arm. There was a taped up gash on her forehead and he could see a bandages sticking out of the neck of her hospital gown and on her arm. There was a reddish-purple bruise on her cheek, the rest of her face pale. He'd seen her banged up before, but not like this. Not lying in a hospital bed. And not since before they were married.

"She's going to be fine." The doctor assured. "CT looks good. She took a serious blow to the head and lost a lot of blood, but otherwise, she's stable."

Ed wanted to feel relieved, but until she opened her eyes, he couldn't fully relax. He took her hand in his and absentmindedly rubbed the back of it with his thumb. The nurse was talking to him, but he had no idea what she was saying. He just grunted a response as he sat on the side of the bed and fought to maintain his composure.

SVUSVUSVU

"I just want to go home," Olivia complained.

"Liv, it's just overnight and it's already after 2am. It's like 6 hours," Barba said. He'd been keeping everyone else up to date for the past couple hours, but around the time Olivia woke up it seemed all hell broke loose.

Fin had found and chased their perp who stupidly pulled a gun. Fin didn't even blink. Perp was dead before he hit the ground.

Cara was found, beaten and traumatized, but alive. She was in an abandoned car a few blocks from the perp's friend's house. She was being taken to a different hospital.

Carisi came to the hospital and was briefing Ed in the hallway. Ed refused to leave Olivia alone even if he was just outside her door, so Barba offered to stay with her. Ed had only been gone about 10 minutes, but Olivia was already trying to get out of bed.

"Olivia, stop. Okay." He put a hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her back onto the inclined bed.

"I'm fine." She winced, her body betraying her words.

"Ed will literally kill me if you get out of this bed." He hoped a bit of dry humor would win her over. It seemed to because she relaxed. For the moment.

"Where is he?"

"In the hall talking to Carisi."

"Well, tell them to get back in here. I have just as much interest in this case, and I want to know what's going on."

Barba sighed. Ed had been clear that he didn't want Olivia bothered by the case until she was released from the hospital. It wasn't likely that even Ed believed that was possible, but Barba didn't want to be the one to push either of them on this one.

Suddenly, they heard yelling in the hallway. Barba wasn't sure if he should check it out, or try to keep Olivia away from whatever it was. Seeing that she was starting to try to get up again, he quickly moved to her bedside and urged her to stay put.

On the other side of the door, Ed and Elliot were toe to toe, nose to nose.

"Leave. Now." Ed shouted.

"I just want to make sure she's okay." Elliot countered.

"She's fine. Leave."

"You wouldn't even know she was here if it wasn't for me." Elliot was an idiot for goading Tucker, but he'd seen the pale, bruised and unconscious Olivia. He just wanted to see her awake. He needed to see for himself that she was okay. "You afraid she wants to see me?"

Idiot.

Ed snapped. In a flurry of motion he shoved Stabler, throwing him off balance. Using the advantage, Ed threw a punch that landed squarely on the Elliot's jaw.

Elliot stumbled back into a chair and toppled backwards over it landing on his ass on the floor. Ed moved to continue his attack and was bending over, reaching for Stabler once again, but Carisi wedged himself in between.

"Not the place," Carisi said as he leaned down to get on Tucker's eye level. He put an arm around the front of Tucker's shoulders trying to pull him back. "Or the time."

Ed tried to shake off the hold, and Carisi began to fear that he wouldn't be able to hold him back. "Sir… Tucker…"

Ed kept trying to get to Stabler who was still on the floor. He was ignoring Carisi's pleas.

"Ed, please." Carisi never used his first name. Even when they all got together outside of work, he didn't break that protocol.

Barba, having convinced Olivia to wait until he was sure it was safe, showed up in the hallway. "What the hell?" He took in the scene. Elliot was finally pulling himself off the floor rubbing his jaw. Carisi was still restraining Tucker. A chair was knocked over.

Sensing that Elliot wasn't going to pursue a physical confrontation just yet, Barba went to Ed and Carisi. "Tucker, she needs you. Leave this alone."

Ed refused to make eye contact with anyone. He just glared over their shoulders in the direction of Stabler.

"Tucker. Now," Barba said with more force than he'd meant to convey. But he was frustrated as hell.

By now, Elliot was fully on his feet. It was clear that it was three against one. The other three men were fighting for Liv and saw him as the enemy. It made him want to barrel through anyway.

"Not until he leaves." Ed said.

Elliot stopped moving forward but made no move to leave. He was on her side, too, dammit!

The tension was palpable. It was broken only by the weak sound of Olivia's voice. "Ed?"


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

" _Tucker. Now," Barba said with more force than he'd meant to convey. But he was frustrated as hell._

 _By now, Elliot was fully on his feet. It was clear that it was three against one. The other three men were fighting for Liv and saw him as the enemy. It made him want to barrel through anyway._

" _Not until he leaves." Ed said._

 _Elliot stopped moving forward but made no move to leave. He was on her side, too, dammit!_

 _The tension was palpable. It was broken only by the weak sound of Olivia's voice. "Ed?"_

All four men looked at her. She was leaning against the doorframe gripping the door with white knuckles. She looked even more pale than before. Ed brushed off Carisi and Barba and rushed to her. He pushed the door open causing her hand to slip. He quickly wrapped an arm around her waist for support.

Carisi moved between them and Elliot. He knew that Olivia trusted the guy, but the situation was too tense to risk any further aggravation.

Everyone seemed frozen. Elliot stared at Olivia and Ed. He was relieved to see her on her feet, even if she look like she was about to collapse. In the brief glance she afforded him, he could see the determination in her eyes and knew that she was going to be okay.

Ed had her pulled so tightly to him it was almost painful, but she didn't protest. She just wanted him near.

Barba was ready to jump into action. He didn't know if he should try to get Stabler to leave, try to get Ed and Olivia back into her room, or call Fin for backup.

Olivia took it all in. Elliot looked slightly dazed but relieved to see her on her feet. Carisi was ready to pounce on the first person that moved. Barba was wide-eyed. And Ed. He was trembling beside her. She knew it was taking all he had not to launch at Elliot again.

"Ed, I need to sit down." She felt a little guilty using her wellbeing to distract him, but she really was starting to feel lightheaded. And she didn't want whatever was going on between him and Elliot to continue in a hospital hallway in front of Carisi and Barba. She had no idea what had been said, but she said a silent prayer that none of the details had been divulged in front of her colleague and subordinate.

Ed immediately turned his attention to her and guided her back into the room and to her bed. The door closed behind them. Elliot started to follow, but Carisi stopped him. "I really don't think this is a good time."

"Olivia's a big girl. She can make her own decisions." Elliot wasn't used to being on the outside.

"Not gonna happen. You're not going in there right now."

When Barba joined the detective at the door, Elliot realized he wasn't going to win, so he turned to leave. "Just tell her to call me, okay?" The statement was directed to Barba, who wasn't sure what to do with the demand. When he realized that only an affirmative answer was going to get Stabler to leave, he gave a slight nod.

On the other side of the door, Ed was pulling a blanket over Olivia's legs as she settled back into the bed. "Should I call the doctor?"

"No, no. I'm fine." She almost laughed at how unbelievable those words must sound from her at this point. "I just got dizzy for a minute."

He brushed her hair aside and tucked it behind her ear. "You're sure?"

She nodded.

He sat on the side of her bed and took her hand in his. They sat like that for several minutes before she broke the silence.

"What happened out there?" She asked unsure what she really expected him to say.

He looked away from her toward the door.

"Ed?"

"What do you think happened, Olivia? I decked him."

"Obviously," there was a hint of a smile in her voice.

He choked out a small laugh. "That's it?"

She sat up slowly. "I can't say I'm shocked. I'm actually surprised that you were able to stop at one punch."

"Me, too."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "So Carisi was holding you back just for fun."

He leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers. "None of that matters. All that matters is you're okay."

She closed her eyes and leaned further into him. "We're okay." Her voice was so soft he didn't catch what she said.

"Hmm?"

"Mmm." She responded, misunderstanding his question as a confirmation, but it didn't matter. He held her for a few more minutes before easing her back to lying down.

SVUSVUSVU

It was after 4am when they finally fell asleep. Ed refused to leave her side, so she'd let him climb into the cramped hospital bed. She didn't want to admit how desperately she wanted him close.

In the typical manner he'd shown throughout their marriage, he just gave her the support she needed without calling attention to it. He held her. He didn't push for information. In truth, he needed her close to him just as much. He needed to feel the warmth of her body, the rise and fall of her chest as her breathing evened out into a restful rhythm.

Carisi and Barba held off the investigating detectives, saying she would give her statement in the morning. It wasn't likely they would argue with the head of SVU and her 1PP husband. Amanda was still at Liv's with the kids and planned to meet Fin at SVU as soon as Melody came to relieve her at 6:30.

Elliot finally left sometime in the early morning hours. He truly didn't want to make things worse. He'd hung around the ER waiting room for a little while. When it became clear there was a solid blue line around Olivia, he went home. Not before leaving two messages on the burner cell and calling her personal one. He didn't leave a message on that one.

Olivia stirred just before 6am. Her body was sore and her head ached. Throbbed, actually. A small grunt escaped her lips when she tried to adjust to a more comfortable position.

"Morning." Ed rumbled in her ear. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just need to move." She answered.

He shifted a little to try and give her space, but he was barely awake.

"And drugs. I need drugs."

That got his attention. Olivia wasn't one to take painkillers unless she was really hurting. He gently disentangled himself from her before hopping out of bed. "You want me to get a nurse."

"I was kidding." She winced as she tried to shift in the bed. "Kinda."

"I'm going to get a nurse." He waved off her start of a protest. "You need something for the pain."

Olivia watched him leave before she slowly raised the back of the bed so she was mostly sitting up. Then she started moving her legs toward the side. It took some effort, but she was soon standing by the side of the bed. Her body felt so stiff after being immobile for a few hours.

Apparently, she'd been knocked out by the original blow to the head but came to before the perp got away with Cara. In her efforts to fight him off, she'd been stabbed and lost a lot of blood.

The cut to her forearm was mostly a defensive slice, but the stab to her shoulder was deeper. She was lucky it just hit muscle and didn't sever tendons and ligaments. It did hit a small artery though, and that's what led to the blood loss.

She vaguely remembered trying to make it to the downstairs neighbor, but she must have passed out in the stairwell and fallen down at least half a flight. There were bruises all over her left side, hip and outer thigh, and she felt like she'd been in a car wreck. She was lucky the delivery guy showed up. Who knows when she would have been found or regained consciousness.

Ed came back from the nurse's station to find the bed empty. Liv was no where in sight.

"Liv? Liv!" He couldn't hide his panic.

Just then he heard a toilet flush and water running. Ed shook his head. It was going to take him a while to get over this whole ordeal. He rushed to the bathroom door just as it opened.

Olivia was startled by his sudden appearance right outside the door but gladly took his arm as he helped her back to bed. He'd spoken to the nurse and learned that the doctor had prescribed more pain medication if she needed it.

Olivia noticed Ed's hovering presence, like he didn't want to let her out of his sight. She wondered how long that would last. How long that would hold off his anger over Elliot.

 _Elliot? Why was he even there?_ When she'd seen the aftermath of their altercation earlier, she hadn't given it any thought. Now she wondered why he was there? How did Elliot even know she was at the hospital.

She vaguely remembered coming to in the ambulance then again in the ER. She could almost hear his voice telling her she was going to be okay, that she was a fighter. She'd assumed it was a dream. _Was that even real?_

She wanted to talk to Ed. She wanted to apologize for everything. Tell him that all she could think about when she was fighting off Cara's and her attacker was that their last conversation had been strained at best.

"Ed, I want to talk about what's happened."

"Now's probably not the best time." He said, his voice flat.

She sighed. "Is there ever going to be a good time?" She couldn't tell if he was just being practical because of the likelihood of them being interrupted or if he was avoiding the topic.

He looked at her with a look of annoyance, but she also thought she saw a hint of sadness and something else she couldn't place. Unfortunately, Ed proved right, and that conversation would have to wait.

Before either of them could say anything, the nurse came in with a couple pills. "These might make you a little drowsy."

Then, Amandashowed up around ten to seven, and Barba showed up just after with coffee for him and Ed. He'd gone home for a hasty couple hours of sleep before dropping by on his way to the office.

He didn't have to stop by to see her. He could have called, but Barba felt somewhat responsible. He was the one who called her in. He didn't protest enough when Olivia insisted that they could just meet the patrol car at Cara's instead of waiting for them to escort them home from the hospital.

He knew Olivia would smack him if she knew what he was thinking, but he knew when he saw her that she knew why he was there. She just cocked her head a bit and raised a brow. Typical Benson look of disapproval. Then she saw he was holding coffee and her face softened.

It was a short-lived reprieve when she saw that there wasn't any coffee for her. Reluctantly, Barba handed her his cup. She gave him a small smile as she took a drink from his cup. After two big gulps, Barba snatched it away from her. She rolled her eyes at him and asked how much longer before she could leave.

Amanda watched the exchange and laughed. To an outsider it might have seemed strange that Olivia would steal the DA's coffee instead of her husband's, but Liv and Barba both took their coffee with milk which Ed found revolting. The sound of her laughter caught the others' attention.

"I just told the kids that you'd both been called to work." Amanda said, not wanting to draw attention to her musings. "Melody said she'd walk them both home from school, so just call her if you have a change in schedule."

"Thanks so much, Amanda," Olivia said attempting a smile.

"Sure thing, Liv."

Almost an hour later, Amanda and Barba had left, and Olivia was finally getting discharged. Amanda had thoughtfully brought a change of clothes since the ones she'd been wearing were bloodstained and her t-shirt had been cut from her body.

Olivia was changed and sitting on the edge of the bed drumming her fingers on the railing. Ed sat in a chair at the foot of the bed watching her. They were just waiting for the nurse to bring her discharge papers and prescriptions.

She noticed him staring. "What?"

"I'm just so thankful that you're okay. That your injuries weren't more serious." His voice was thick with emotion.

"I'm fine." She said as much out of reflex as to convey the point. She knew there was so much still between them, but right now all that mattered was getting home, getting back to her family, seeing her children.

Part of her wanted to have Ed pull the kids out of school just so she could be with them, but she didn't want to scare them. It was going to be hard enough explaining her beat-up appearance without upsetting them.

"They'll understand." Ed said, studying her.

She looked at him, puzzled.

"You're thinking about how the kids are going to react, right?" When she didn't deny it, he continued, "We'll just explain that you had to fight a bad guy, and that you're going to be okay."

She hesitated. She knew that Noah had an idea of their jobs and the potential danger. They'd had a little episode with him a couple years earlier when he'd inadvertently heard a news report about a cop being shot and killed. He'd ended up in their bed several nights in a row after that. It wasn't until they explained that in their leadership positions they weren't usually out on the street anymore that he started to settle down. Still, it had taken a couple of months for him to fully get back to normal.

That had remained mostly true for the past couple of years. She hadn't been in the line of fire for a while now. He'd never seen the violence etched on her face. And Nicole, she just thought that the police protected people. She didn't know why some people had to be protected. She didn't know violence at all.

"We'll explain it to them at their level." He wasn't sure he knew what that meant, but he wanted to reassure her. "They're smart kids, Liv. They'll understand."

She nodded, still unsure but felt a little better. Actually she was starting to feel a lot better now that the pain meds had kicked in. She wasn't out of it, but she could definitely feel the buzz of narcotics in her system.

"And us?" She asked quietly.

"Right now, all that matters is that you're safe, you're okay, and we're getting you home. The rest will work itself out."

"Ed." She felt like he was side-stepping the elephant in the room.

He stood and walked over to join her. "We'll figure it out," he said. His voice was tight.

Olivia took a deep breath and hoped they could find their way back to what they had.

Standing by her side, Ed watched her profile. He loved her. He always would. Right now, he didn't know how they could be the same. Could they ever go back to where they were before all this?

He wasn't sure exactly how, but he knew he wanted to get back there. He gave her shoulder a squeeze. He hoped he was letting her know that the foundation was still intact and the rest was fixable.

She leaned into him and let her head rest against his chest. "I love you." Her voice was quiet, not because she was unsure about that. She was just unsure how much this had shaken them.

"I know."

She smiled just a little and leaned into him.

A/N: I know I'm probably treading on thin ice. I'm two days later than planned with this update, and it's not where I intended to end this chapter. But the heart writes what the muse dictates. I have another chapter almost finished. And it's all Tuckson and family.

As always thank you so much for the reviews. I swear they make me write faster ;)

I really do appreciate everyone who's sticking with me on this story. I thought it was just going to be 5 or 6 chapters, but here we are, still going! More to come soon, so let me know what you want to see.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I'm still reeling from the season finale, but I already had most of this written beforehand! All Tuckson and the kids' initial reactions. As always thank you for the kind reviews and support for this story!

Chapter 16

 _Olivia took a deep breath and hoped they could find their way back to what they had._

 _Standing by her side, Ed watched her profile. He loved her. He always would. Right now, he didn't know how they could be the same. Could they ever go back to where they were before all this?_

 _He wasn't sure exactly how, but he knew he wanted to get back there. He gave her shoulder a squeeze. He hoped he was letting her know that the foundation was still intact and the rest was fixable._

 _She leaned into him and let her head rest against his chest. "I love you." Her voice was quiet, not because she was unsure about that. She was just unsure how much this had shaken them._

" _I know."_

 _She smiled just a little and leaned into him._

Ed looked at his watch. It was almost time for Melody to get home with the kids. Olivia was still napping.

It had been a long day. By the time he got Olivia home it was about 10:15am. Then he'd arranged for the guys from the 1-8 to come by and take her statement.

It was still an SVU case, but these guys were first on the scene at Cara's. Besides, it wouldn't be appropriate for one of her own to take it. At least there was one perk of being a famed SVU Captain married to 1PP; you didn't have to go into the precinct to give a statement after something like this.

It had still taken over two hours, and by the end, she was exhausted and in pain again. She'd refused to take another pain killer before the interview. She insisted she wanted to be of clear mind.

As soon as the detectives left, she took two Percocet and went to lie down. Ed fielded a few calls from the squad. They were trying to retrieve her personal belongings from evidence, namely her cell and purse which held her badge and ID. Amanda let him know that one of them would drop it by this evening.

While he was wondering aimlessly around their too quiet apartment, Ed saw the plastic bag with her bloody clothes from the hospital. Her shirt was a total loss because it had a slash through the sleeve and shoulder, but the pants might be salvageable.

He decided to throw them in the wash. As cops they had a few tricks for getting blood out of clothes, but given the length of time and the state of them, it was probably a lost cause. He'd try anyway. He needed something to occupy his attention until she woke up or the kids got home.

As he was emptying the bag, the burner cell fell out. He'd forgotten about it. He pushed the home button causing the screen to come to life. He saw that there were a few notifications. From Stabler. He shouldn't read them. He should just put the phone down and forget about it.

He tossed the phone onto the counter and scooped up the clothes. Ten minutes later the clothes were treated and washing. He was sitting back at the kitchen table holding the damn cell phone.

The sound of a key in the front door jolted him. He dropped the cell on the table and went to greet his kids.

Melody had picked up Nicole at 2pm and took her to a park near Noah's school until he got out at 3pm. Normally, they would have gone to Noah's soccer practice together, but Melody explained that they needed to go straight home.

Nicole was happy since she found Noah's soccer practice boring, but Noah seemed to sense that something was wrong. He pelted Melody with questions the whole way home. She told him that his mom and dad would explain when they got there. That didn't ease his growing anxiety.

When the trio finally got to the apartment, Noah went straight to Ed. "Why are you home so early? What's wrong?"

Ed was a little taken aback. He knew that Melody would have followed his instructions to only tell them that they had to miss soccer practice today and not get into the details of why. Normally, the kids would be thrilled to find their parents home early on a weekday.

He looked to her for an explanation. She shook her head a little, and indicated that she didn't know how Noah knew something was up. Her look also conveyed concern, for Noah or Liv, Ed wasn't sure. Both, he guessed.

"Where's Mom?" Noah continued with his interrogation.

"She's in the bedroom, asleep." Ed put an arm around the boy's shoulders. Meanwhile, Nicole was pretty much oblivious. Melody was helping her out of her backpack and lightweight spring jacket.

Noah started to head toward the back of the apartment, but Ed stopped him. "She's fine." Ed tried to reassure. "She's going to be just fine." He clarified, knowing that Noah would soon see that she'd been hurt. "She just needs to rest a little bit longer."

Melody gave him another look. She'd been with the family for over four years. She loved the kids as well as Ed and Olivia. At first, she hadn't been able to picture doting mother Olivia as a badass cop, but over the years, she realized how solid the SVU Captain really was. She still couldn't imagine her being hurt.

Nicole clued into the conversation then. "Where's Mommy?"

"I'm here, baby." Olivia said approaching slowly from the hallway. She'd heard the commotion when they got home. She desperately wanted to hug her kids, and she reluctantly wanted for them to get over the initial shock of her appearance as quickly as possible.

Ed went to her. The lights were off in the hallway, so it was dark enough that her injuries weren't quiet noticeable. He led her to the sofa in the living room; it faced away from the direction of the kitchen and entry where the kids were. She could have made it by herself, but it was faster if she let him help. And quite frankly, she needed him to help her through this, to help them all through this.

Nicole came running in and was about to throw herself at Olivia when Ed scooped her up. She giggled not realizing why she'd been stopped.

Noah was just behind her. He stopped short when he saw his mom's face. "Mom?" He gasped.

Ed heard the fear and uncertainty in his son's voice. Still holding Nicole he sat next to Olivia and pulled Noah toward them. Noah stepped out of his dad's hold and sat on the coffee table in front of the sofa.

"Mom?" He said again, so quietly it was barely audible. He wouldn't look either of them in the eye. "What happened?"

Picking up on her brother's upset tone, Nicole looked at Olivia's face for the first time. "Mommy! You have so many boo boos." She reached for her mommy's face. Ed stopped her movement briefly and told her to be gentle.

"Mommy got hurt while she was helping a woman get away from a bad guy." Ed said simply. He hoped that would start to answer their questions.

Nicole was somewhat fascinated by the story. Her mommy fought a bad guy. She leaned in and gave Olivia a couple little kisses on her bruised cheek.

"Was it scary?" She asked. Her only understanding of bad guys was from cartoons and princess movies. Her parents could tell she was trying to understand how someone like that could have gotten to her mother.

"A little bit," Olivia began, unsure how much to try and explain to a five, almost six year old.

"But Mommy has police training, so she knows how to handle the bad guys." Ed added. Sensing Noah's growing agitation, he was beginning to think they should talk to the kids separately.

"Does it hurt?" Nicole said as she took in her mommy's appearance once again.

"Not too bad." Olivia assured the girl. She wasn't going to lie and say it didn't hurt at all, but she certainly wasn't going to be 100% honest either. Her goal was to keep most of her bruises and injuries out of the kids' sights.

Noah was silent, but he took note of the injuries. He saw the bandage on her collar bone and noticed how stiff she seemed. Olivia reached for him and was shocked when he pulled back. He looked stricken.

"Noah, I'm okay." She told him. "It looks much worse than it really is."

He dropped his head again. She blanched. He couldn't even look at her. She looked at Ed with tears in her eyes. He squeezed her shoulder in an attempt to reassure, but he was worried, too.

"Noah," Ed said. Before he could continue, Noah got up and ran to his bedroom. They heard his door slam a few seconds later.

Ed looked at Olivia and saw she was nearing her breaking point. She'd seemingly been taking her attack in stride as much as that was possible. But seeing it affect her son was beyond what she could bear at the moment.

Seeing his wife's distress, he decided he'd try to reason with their son. He transferred Nicole to the couch beside Olivia and stood to follow Noah.

Nicole cuddled up next to her mother. "I'm sorry you got hurt, Mommy."

"Thanks, baby. I'll be okay."

"You promise?"

"Yes. I'm going to be a little bit slow and banged up for a few days, but I'll be back to normal before you know it."

Nicole accepted that and immediately switched gears. She started telling Olivia about her day. Mid-sentence, she jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen to get her backpack. She was saying something about showing her mommy the picture she drew in art class today.

For the moment, Olivia was relieved to have the distraction, but she couldn't get her mind off of Noah and how things were going with him and Ed. It was only when Nicole came back that Olivia realized Melody had quietly slipped out at some point. She wasn't even sure when.

After a few minutes, Ed popped into the hallway and motioned for Olivia join him. She nodded to Nicole. She saw his jaw clenched and his stance rigid.

She flipped on the television and searched for the kids channel. "Hey Nic, can you sit here and watch a movie for a few minutes while Mommy and Daddy talk to Noah?" Nicole shrugged, her attention already lost to whatever cartoon was now on the screen.

Olivia went to meet Ed in the hallway. "Is he okay?"

"I haven't seen him like this. It's worse than last time." Ed said quietly. "He wouldn't say a word to me."

Olivia swallowed hard. She couldn't bear the thought that she was causing her son this kind of pain.

"Go talk to him." Ed urged. "He needs you."

Olivia took a breath. Facing her child with this was harder than talking to a doctor, or giving a statement to a uni, or testifying in court. It was harder than dealing with Ed. At least with her husband she knew that he knew the risks going in and that she was usually capable of taking care of herself. What would she tell him? It's not like she could promise with certainty that it would never happen again.

Ed pulled her into as tight of an embrace as her injuries would allow. "He's going to be okay. He just needs to see that you're okay. Really okay."

She pulled back and looked him in the eye. Still after all that had happened, she was so grateful to find nothing but encouragement and support in his eyes.

He turned and steered them toward Noah's room. When they got to the door which was slightly ajar, Ed nodded his head for her to go in. He stayed out of sight but within earshot, so he could help if needed. He understood why Melody had left. This was a family issue, but right now he wished she was still here. He hoped Nicole would stay entertained for a little while.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia stood just inside the door to Noah's room for a few seconds. The sight in front of her broke her heart. Her son was sitting on his bed with his back to her. His shoulders were slumped and his head bowed.

She slowly approached and sat on the end of the bed a bit away from him. He didn't acknowledge her.

"Noah?"

No response.

She scooted closer and put a hand on his back. He still didn't say anything, but at least he didn't recoil from her touch this time. She took that as a positive and moved to sit right next to him.

"Noah, baby. Please talk to me." She rubbed his back and tried to keep her emotions in check. She knew it wouldn't do either of them any good if she broke down before she got him talking.

He just shook his head. At least it was a response. Olivia leaned forward as much as she could and tried to see his face. He turned away, but not before she saw that his face was wet with tears.

"Noah, listen to me. I'm okay."

He sat very still and refused to look at her.

"I know it looks bad, but it's just some bruises and cuts."

Still nothing.

"In a few weeks, I'll look good as new." She tried to sound light.

He still didn't respond. If she didn't know better she'd think he got his stubbornness from her genes.

She didn't know what else to say. He was scaring her. So she just started talking about her job. How it was sometimes dangerous, but usually she was the boss in the office. This was a rare thing. She and her squad took all precautions.

After what seemed to her like her own endless rambling, he turned to look at her. His tear-stained face broke her heart again.

He just looked at her for a minute. Then he reached up and lightly traced the bruise on her cheek with his fingers. He ducked his head, and she saw his shoulders shake with a little sob.

She pulled him into a hug. He grabbed her so tightly she almost yelped, but she wasn't about to push him away.

After several minutes, Noah calmed down and sat back. She kept a hand around his shoulders.

"What happened?" He asked with hesitation.

She struggled with how much to tell him. He was obviously capable of understanding more than Nicole, but she didn't want to further upset him.

"A woman was attacked, and I took her home. The man who attacked her was there when we got there."

"He hit you?"

"Yes."

"What else?"

She hesitated. How much should she tell him?

"I'm not a little kid anymore." He informed.

She knew he was growing up, but he still was only ten. It was strange to watch her son grow into a young man. How much did he need to know? How much would he find out from his friends at school when their parents saw the story on the news.

He'd asked about things before. Things she couldn't figure out how he knew, so she knew that some of this would likely be talked about at his school if it made the news. She decided she'd give him the basic details that would show up in any public report.

She touched the bandage under her collar bone. "He also had a knife."

"He stabbed you." Noah breathed hard.

Outside the door, Ed sank to the floor. Listening to his son try to process this trauma was overwhelming.

"Noah," Olivia put a finger under his chin encouraging him to look at her. "I'm okay. It's just superficial, not serious."

"Okay."

"Noah, look at me, please."

He complied.

"I promise I'm okay." She nudged him a little. "You've gotta trust me and Dad on this."

He nodded. The tears had stopped, but she wasn't 100% sure that he was okay. Without warning, he got up and headed for the door.

"I've got homework."

She sat there for a minute hoping that this wouldn't affect him too much. Nicole had seemed relatively unfazed, but she was enough younger that she didn't understand the what ifs. Olivia feared that's what plagued her son. What if it had been worse, what if she'd been shot, what if she, what if…

On the other side of the door, Ed popped up and moved away, so Noah wouldn't know he'd been listening to their conversation. He waited for Olivia to follow. When she didn't right away, he looked in on her. She was sitting on the bed, her back to the door, much as Noah had been.

"He's gonna be okay, Liv."

His voiced startled her. She didn't have a response. So he just sat beside her and held her for a few minutes while she pulled herself together.

SVUSVUSVU

Later that night, Ed sat on the couch while Olivia relaxed in a warm bath. He knew she was in more pain than she let on. She'd put on a brave face for the kids. She'd also refused to take more meds until after dinner. She didn't want to be impaired in anyway around them.

As soon as dinner was finished, she gave Ed a look. He knew she was struggling. He took care of Nicole's bath while Noah took a shower. Once she heard the water running, she got a glass of water and downed a couple pills before collapsing on their bed.

She laid there scrolling through emails and texts on her phone. Fin had dropped it by with her other belongings a few hours ago. He wasn't one to linger, so once he was confident she was okay and had what she needed, he left. Olivia could tell he'd heard about Elliot at the hospital. He knew their history better than anyone, but he wouldn't pry.

He did fill her in on a few more details of the case. Now that the perp was dead, Cara was off the hook to testify. The bastard's friend would likely face charges for aiding and abetting, but Olivia wouldn't be involved in that part of it. Fin was the only one on the squad who really dealt with that side of the case. He promised her that he'd "nail that douche," too.

Olivia smiled to herself at the thought of Fin. He was so different than the other men in her life. He was protective of her like a brother would be, but he wasn't overbearing about it. He was just a quiet rock.

She was still scrolling though her phone half an hour later when Ed ushered the kids in to give her hugs and kisses goodnight before bed. Then he offered to draw her a bath. He added epsom salt for her sore body and rosemary oil since it supposedly had a calming effect.

She let her head fall back on the warm towel he'd rolled up and placed behind her neck. She laid there thinking of the day and trying to forget it at the same time.

There was one piece that remained fuzzy. Elliot's presence at the hospital. She made a mental note to ask Ed about it.

She'd been in and out of consciousness before she was sedated. At one point she'd almost thought it was a dozen years ago, and she'd inhaled mushrooms again.

She'd rehashed the crime scene events for over two hours with the uni's earlier. While it was foggy, she was pretty sure her memory was intact.

It was after she was in the ambulance that things got weird. Elliot was there, but it was like that time in Oregon. She didn't know if it was real.

The first real memory she had of Elliot being there was when she'd heard the commotion outside her room. At the time she hadn't questioned it, but now she couldn't figure out how he'd known she was there. Come to think of it, since she hadn't had her ID or phone, she didn't know anyone had known she was there.

Olivia didn't want to think of any of that now. Right now, she just wanted to fade into this deliciously warm bath and not think of anything at all.

She closed her eyes and thought of how different things normally were. Usually at this point, she'd have a glass or wine and Ed would either be joining her or pulling her out and pulling her into bed.

At this point, she'd be lucky if she could get out of the damn bathtub without his help. She had to be careful not to dip low enough in the water to get her shoulder bandage wet. And she had to keep her left arm out of the water. Those were the only two places she had stitches.

Ed let her soak for about half an hour before he went to check on her. "Liv?" He pushed the door open just a bit.

No answer.

He poked his head in, and saw her lying there with her eyes closed. He figured the water must have gone cold or at least lukewarm by now.

"Liv." He called a little louder.

She lazily opened her eyes. "Mmm?"

"Did you fall asleep?"

"Maybe."

"Aren't you getting cold?"

"I guess so." She was groggy from the medication.

He picked up a towel and went to help her. She scoffed a little at his offer of assistance, but when she started to move, she realized it was just easier to let him help her. The bath helped significantly, but she was still incredibly sore.

He grabbed her arm just below the elbow and leaned forward so she could put her other arm on his shoulder. He helped her up, and she stepped out of the bathtub.

Once he was sure that she was solidly on her feet, he reached for the towel he'd dropped on the nearby counter. She closed her eyes as he draped the towel around her shoulders and rubbed them a little to warm her. She rocked forward onto her toes, and he was worried she might fall. Instead she just laid her head on his shoulder.

She pulled her arms out from under the towel as he wrapped it tighter around her. Then he pulled her into him. Her hair was swept up, but a few pieces had slipped out and had gotten wet. They were now dripping down his back. She seemed oblivious and just let herself fold into him.

He wasn't complaining. This whole thing had rattled all of them. They were both still worried about Noah. After Olivia talked to him, he'd insisted on doing his homework. They thought the distraction might do him good, so they didn't object. But at dinner, he'd barely eaten and he was clingy when saying goodnight to LIv.

For now, Nicole still seemed oblivious to the brutal nature of the previous day. She was aware enough to continue to treat her mommy gently, but otherwise didn't act like anything was out of the ordinary.

Olivia didn't have the energy to do anything more than dry off and put on one of Ed's Mets t-shirts before climbing into bed. He joined her even though it wasn't even 10pm. They both knew there wasn't going to be any TV or idle chit chat tonight.

The only way she was comfortable was laying on her back, so he propped himself on one elbow and was tracing a finger up and down her arm. He wasn't looking at her though. His head resting on her uninjured shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she began.

"What are you sorry for?" He didn't change his position or stop caressing her arm.

"Everything."

He didn't respond, forcing her to explain.

"I should have known he'd be there. I should have been prepared. Cara."

"No." He lifted his head to look her in the eye. " _That_ is not your fault. Period."

She nodded. She knew he was right, but it was still hard not to feel like she could have prevented it.

"No," he said more forcefully.

"Okay."

He watched his hand move from her arm to her face. He brushed his fingers over her cheek and down her neck. When he reached the bandage on her shoulder, his eyes moved back to hers.

"Liv, I…" He choked on the words. Part of him was still reeling from two days ago and the bomb she dropped about Elliot. Now, all of that seemed so insignificant given the last 48 hours. He didn't know how to begin.

"I'm so sorry," she interjected.

He started to protest again, but she stopped him.

"For what happened with Elliot."

He tensed.

She closed her eyes and tried to move away from him, but he kept his hand on her shoulder preventing her from going anywhere. She opened her eyes to find him hovering.

She was a little confused by what she saw in his eyes. It almost looked like guilt, but she was the one who should feel guilty.

"Ed?"

He dropped his head to rest on her uninjured shoulder again. It seemed the men in her life were taking this exceptionally hard. She didn't know what had Ed so distraught. She'd been hurt much worse before. This was relatively minor.

"Liv, when we didn't know where you were. When I found out you'd been… you were unconscious at the ER." He was speaking in half sentences. She didn't know where this was going, so she just waited for him to figure out how to say what he needed to say.

He ran his hand from where it had been resting on her arm down to her stomach. Then he slipped it to her waist and held her loosely.

"All I could think was that when you left yesterday morning you thought I was mad at you."

She turned her head to place a soft kiss against the bit of his forehead that she could reach. Now she understood. She'd felt the same guilt.

True, the last words they'd said to each other were 'I love you's', but they were strained. Their whole last morning together before this incident had been so tense. Their whole last day together had been a complete cluster.

It was her fault though, she told herself. Why would he feel guilty? She couldn't handle this right now.

"You were mad at me." She poked her elbow that was trapped between them into his ribs.

His head snapped up. He saw her expression was an attempt at a tease. She was begging him to let it go for now.

"I was mad… at Stabler." He smirked, trying to help her lighten the mood, but it was almost impossible given the circumstances.

She almost laughed at that. "So now that you beat him up, can we forget about him for a while?"

"Can you?" he was suddenly serious again. Before she could respond, he added, "Are you going to return his calls?"

"What are you talking about?" She'd seen one unanswered call from Elliot on her cell that Fin returned to her. There was no voicemail or text, so she hadn't planned to call him back.

He realized she didn't know about the burner cell. On the ride home from the hospital, he'd explained that it was how she'd been identified because they'd used it to call Stabler. In the chaos of the kids getting home and getting them fed and into bed, he'd never mentioned that he had the phone or that it showed several messages from Stabler.

"The other phone. It was in the bag with your clothes from the hospital."

"He called?"

"Several times."

"Oh."

"Looks like he left a message, or two, or three."

"Ed, I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

She shook her head at him, confused.

"I'm not sorry that you had that phone in your pocket, or that it led to Stabler. It's what helped us find you. Without it, who knows how long it would have taken for them to ID you, for us to get to you."

"Wait." Olivia was trying to process what he was saying. _The burner cell? Elliot?_ "What are you talking about?"

"What do you mean? You think that I care that it was Elliot?" He was lost.

"What? No." They hadn't been this bad at communicating since the early days.

"Olivia, I don't care how or who."

"No, no, no. That's not what I mean."

He looked at her. Now he was confused.

"What do you mean the burner cell led to Elliot and that's how you found me?"

He watched her for a minute. He realized that she had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe she hadn't even seen Stabler when they brought her in. Did she not know they'd called him first? That he was the one who ID'd her? He'd just assumed that she knew.

"You don't remember any of it?" He asked.

"It's really disjointed. I was in and out. I honestly couldn't tell you what was real and what was a dream."

He took a few minutes to explain about how her personal belongings had gotten locked inside the apartment with her outside, the burner cell, Elliot's number. Elliot calling. It all started to make sense. In the shock and later drama at the hospital she hadn't questioned some of the holes in her memory. Now that it was filling in, she was even more in awe of Ed's ability to hold back with Elliot.

"I'm so sorry." She said again.

"Olivia," he began. "It's not your fault. You couldn't make this stuff up. What are the chances that two days after…" _that jackass put his hands on you and decided it was okay to kiss you._

He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, so he just went on with what he could say and what he hoped would suffice. "That you'd be attacked and he'd be the only immediate link to your identity. Like I said, I wouldn't change that last part, since it led me to you."

"I'm just sorry that it happened like that. So soon…" _after all I've put us through, let Elliot put us through…_ She didn't even know at this point, but she wasn't going to go there now. "I'm sorry you had to deal with not knowing where I was and then having Elliot be the one to call you. I know that sucked."

At that last sentence he gave her an almost mocking look. It sucked? Hell yes, it sucked. It more than sucked. She realized her mistake, and quickly regrouped.

"Ed, thank you."

He started to question her, but she placed a finger on his lips to shush him.

"Thank you for not getting yourself thrown in jail for beating the hell out of Elliot because I know you wanted to."

He started to respond, but she pressed her finger more firmly to his mouth.

"Thank you for putting up with what must have been a hell of a few hours, not to mention the hell of the past few months. And most of all, thank you for putting me and the kids above all of this."

She started to continue, but her emotions were starting to get the better of her, and him. He kissed the finger she had pressed to his lips before reaching up to move it away.

"Liv, you and the kids are my life. If the last few months were hard, then the last two days have been the ninth circle of hell."

Now he had to be the one to silence her. She wanted to stop him and apologize again.

"When you told me that…" He hesitated but was determined to continue. "When you told me Stabler kissed you. When we left each other that next morning. All I could think about was how things had changed between us, and how uncertain I was that we'd be able to get back to us."

She was openly crying now. His voice was steady, and he was looking directly into her eyes. He wasn't holding back any of the emotion behind each word.

"Then when I realized you were missing. When I knew you were hurt, but not how badly. When I saw you laying in that hospital bed, unconscious, and you were so pale. All I could think about was how much I wanted to get back to us and how I am willing to do anything to get us there. Anything."

She closed her eyes. She'd felt exactly the same. In the hospital she'd felt the shift, the uncertainty. She'd been really worried that they would never be the same. At the time she had to put that aside to deal with police interviews, her squad and most importantly, her kids. Now all of the raw emotion of the past few days came crashing down upon her.

Her silence made him worry. He'd just laid himself bare, and she'd closed her eyes. He didn't know if it was because she was closing herself down, or because she was overwhelmed.

"Liv?" His voice was hoarse and full of emotion.

She forced a deep breath and looked up at him. She was floored by what she saw.

She'd never seen Ed Tucker cry. Even when his mother died a few years back, he'd been emotional in his own way. He got quiet. He even brooded. He just did not cry. So the sheen she saw in his eyes right now threatened to undo her.

He blinked hard a few times trying to clear his eyes. They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other. He saw everything he loved. Her fire, her softness, her devotion.

She stared at him. There was no more anger or hurt. It was just the two of them. All she saw was his love, his protection, his hope for them.

A long time ago, she would have protested at protection, but this wasn't because she was incapable. The protection he offered was for her heart. She knew as much in this moment as when he first told her he trusted her, that he would move heaven and earth to protect what they had together, to protect their family, and nothing would ever change that. Nothing.

"I love you." He finally spoke again.

"I know."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 _She'd never seen Ed Tucker cry. Even when his mother died a few years back, he'd been emotional in his own way. He got quiet. He even brooded. He just did not cry. So the sheen she saw in his eyes right now threatened to undo her._

 _He blinked hard a few times trying to clear his eyes. They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other. He saw everything he loved. Her fire, her softness, her devotion._

 _She stared at him. There was no more anger or hurt. It was just the two of them. All she saw was his love, his protection, his hope for them._

 _A long time ago, she would have protested at protection, but this wasn't because she was incapable. The protection he offered was for her heart. She knew as much in this moment as when he first told her he trusted her, that he would move heaven and earth to protect what they had together, to protect their family, and nothing would ever change that. Nothing._

" _I love you." He finally spoke again._

" _I know."_

They fell asleep just like that, with Ed's arm slung across her waist, his head on her shoulder. At some point, she'd put her arm over his, and her chin had come to rest on the top of his head.

Around 4am, she was startled awake. It took her a few minutes to figure out what woke her. She started to get out of bed but was stopped by two things. Her body was still wretchedly sore, and Ed was still asleep with a death grip on her.

She paused and listened to the stillness of the apartment. It was still dark outside, but from her angle she couldn't see the clock to tell what time it was. She hadn't been dreaming, at least not that she remembered, so she was fairly certain it wasn't a nightmare that interrupted her sleep.

Then she heard it, a muffled cry. _Noah._

She did the best she could to get away from Ed's grip without waking him, but every time she moved, he just gripped her tighter. She heard Noah again.

"Ed," she grabbed his arm and tried to pry him off of her. He wasn't having it. Even in sleep, he wasn't letting go.

She appreciated that his subconscious sleeping brain was committed to her, but she needed to get to Noah. She used her other arm to gently elbow him in the ribs.

"Ed, I need to check on Noah."

He finally stirred. "Hmm, No?"

"Yeah, I think he's having a bad dream."

"Okay, you need me to help."

"No, I just need you to let go of me."

"Can't." He was still half asleep.

"Ed," she said as she elbowed him a little harder.

"What?" Now he was fully awake. "What's wrong?"

"I need to get Noah."

This time he let go and watched her climb out of bed. He debated whether or not to go with her. Earlier Noah seemed to open up better when it was just her. He followed her to his door, but once again waited in the hallway while she went in.

Olivia pushed open the door to Noah's room and found him tangled in his sheets, covered in sweat. She called to him softly as she approached.

It took several tries of her calling and gently shaking him before he finally woke up. His eyes went wide, and he was breathing fast and shallow.

"Mommy?" When he realized it was her, he practically launched into her arms.

She gasped in pain but bit her lip to stifle the cry that wanted to escape. She glanced toward the door and caught Ed's eye. Noah hadn't called her 'mommy' in years.

"They were hurting you. They had guns. I couldn't stop them."

"Shh, baby. I'm okay." She rubbed his back with one hand and held his head to her with the other. Both of her kids had had nightmares before, but it was usually because of a scary monster on a movie or something else external. It had never been about her.

"I couldn't help you. I tried, but I couldn't help you." He was shaking.

She couldn't stop her own tears from falling. She pulled him back a little. "Look at me, Noah. I'm right here. I'm fine."

"No you're not. You're all beat up," he sobbed. "You're stabbed."

Ed couldn't keep watching from the hallway, so he joined them, sitting on the other side of the bed. He put his hand over Olivia's on Noah's back as much to reassure her as their son.

"Your mom got hurt, Noah, but she _is_ okay. The bruises will go away, the cuts will heal."

Noah shrugged Ed off and ducked into Olivia. "You always made me think it was cool and brave to be a cop, but it's… It's dangerous."

"Yes, Noah." Ed answered, "It is dangerous, but…"

"Don't," Noah interrupted scooting back on his bed away from both of his parents. "It's dangerous, but it's supposed to be okay because you're helping someone."

"Noah," she began, but didn't know what to say. She looked to Ed for help.

"Noah," Ed continued for them both. "You and your sister are the most important people in our lives. Period."

"But you…" Noah started again.

"But nothing," Ed stopped him again. "We have jobs that are more dangerous than some of your friends' parents, but we do what we do because it's important."

"But why does it have to be you, both of you?" Noah said, exasperated.

"It's not both of us. My job is basically a desk job at this point. And your mom's is mostly that. This really was a fluke, Noah."

"A fluke? She…," he started yelling at his dad. He hugged his knees to his chest. Then he turned to Olivia, "You got stabbed!"

Olivia pulled his folded form into an embrace and looked at Ed. Neither knew what more they could say to appease him. While not as great as when she was actively involved in cases on a daily basis, her job was still dangerous.

Ed reached over a brushed Noah's hair back from his face. He leaned down to his son's level. "Noah, your Mom and I are cops. It's what we've always been. Sometimes it is dangerous, that's true. But we're highly trained, and we know how to minimize the danger. Our people, our squads are trained. We all look out for each other."

"But, but…" Noah sniffled and looked up at him mom. "You still got hurt."

"I did, but it's not that serious. I promise you."

Noah didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then he pulled back from her and looked at them both.

"Okay," he took a shaky breath. "Okay."

"Do you want some water or milk? Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" Olivia asked him.

"Some water, please."

Ed motioned that he'd get it. When he returned, he found Olivia alone in Noah's room.

"Bathroom," she explained. "Do you think he's going to be okay?"

"He's a smart kid. A tough kid."

"Yeah."

"Give him some time to work through it. He'll get there."

"If he doesn't?"

"He will because we'll help him." He squeezed her hand just as Noah came back into the room.

SVUSVUSVU

Seven came early the next morning. Olivia was off for a few days while her body healed, but Melody and the kids would keep their regular schedule. Ed insisted he'd take off, too, even though Olivia told him she'd be fine on her own. She knew this had rattled him, so she didn't protest.

It had been around 3am when Noah's nightmare woke them, and getting him back to bed had taken almost an hour. She and Ed talked for quite a while after about the situation and how they were planning to help their son deal with this sudden intrusion of violence into their lives.

When they finally fell asleep, she'd only gotten a fitful couple of hours. For once she was grateful for the forced day off. As soon as the kids were out the door, she planned to go back to bed.

That wasn't to be. Noah complained of a stomach ache the second he got out of bed. Neither Ed nor Olivia thought he was actually sick, but they thought he could probably use a day home with the two of them.

Thankfully, Nicole was still mostly oblivious. Though she did take extra care with Liv, and she ran back in for one more hug goodbye before heading to her summer day school with Melody.

Noah didn't eat much of his breakfast, but they didn't push it. Olivia was scheduled to meet with Dr. Lindstrom tomorrow and they had an appointment for Noah as well. She didn't see the therapist as often as she once had, but she still checked in a few times a year. It helped to have an unbiased, outside opinion.

Ed suggested she call him after Noah's first reaction didn't go well yesterday. She'd called and was surprised when his assistant was able to get her in so quickly. She'd long suspected that Lindstrom made exceptions to accommodate her given her line of work, and she was grateful.

She was surprised when Lindstrom had called her back later that afternoon just to check in. At this point it, had become unusual for her to request an appointment asap. He hadn't seen anything in the news, but he still called to make sure everything was okay and that it could wait a day.

She briefly explained what had happened and her concerns about Noah. He recommended that she go ahead and schedule an appointment for Noah to speak to one of his colleagues who specialized in children with parents in combat and who had lost parents through violence. She didn't want to jump to that, but Lindstrom convinced her that an initial consult would be worthwhile to make sure Noah was dealing with his feelings.

Lindstrom made the arrangements and was able to get Noah in with Dr. Garrison tomorrow morning before his appointment with Olivia. That would give them the opportunity to talk about it.

She was nervous, but Ed assured her it would be better to deal with it now. In the meantime, she figured they'd just try and keep Noah's mind otherwise occupied unless he brought it up.

"Noah, what do you say, we curl up in my bed and watch a movie? You can pick."

"Can we watch Star Wars, the first one?"

"Whatever you want."

She'd foregone coffee in hopes of getting a little more sleep. Ed went straight for the high octane and was now in the shower.

He heard the television on in their bedroom when he got out of the shower. He guessed it was a tactic for Liv to get back into bed. He knew she was exhausted.

He looked at the pair of them. Liv was snuggled under the covers, and Noah was sitting beside her propped on several pillows. He was engrossed in the movie, and she was already starting to doze off.

Ed went to the closet to get dressed, then he grabbed his tablet and joined his family on the bed. Noah started to say something to him, but Ed put a finger to his lips and nodded toward Olivia who was now fast asleep.

Noah pulled the covers all the way up over Olivia's shoulders and kissed her forehead. She shifted slightly but didn't wake.

Ed put his arm around the boy's shoulders. Noah looked up her then back to his dad.

"You promise she's okay?" He asked his dad quietly.

"I promise."

Noah leaned back against Ed and kept watching the movie.

Olivia woke up just as the movie was ending. Noah was trying to climb off the bed without waking her, but it just wasn't possible. Besides, she'd had enough rest.

Now she wanted coffee. It probably wasn't the best thing for her, but just one cup couldn't hurt. She hadn't taken any more prescription meds since the previous evening. She was hoping to switch to ibuprofen today.

When she got up to go to the bathroom, Ed ushered Noah into the kitchen to make some coffee and get brunch started since none of them had really eaten their breakfast earlier.

By the time Olivia joined them, he had a steaming cup of coffee waiting for her and was busy flipping pancakes. She slid onto the barstool next to Noah. She was still sore, but the stiffness had lessened a bit making it a little easier to get around.

"Pancakes?" She asked.

"His request," Ed nodded toward their son.

She smiled. It seemed like Noah's stomach ache had gotten better. Hopefully, this was a good sign. Maybe he just needed time like Ed said.

They had a nice lazy day with another movie and a game of Texas Hold 'Em, during which Ed and Olivia lost all of their Monopoly money to their card shark of a son. Now, Noah was in the living room playing games on his tablet while Ed and Liv sat in the kitchen planning out the rest of their week.

That was when they heard a beep coming from the drawer nearest them. It was a catchall drawer. Ed swore under his breath. The stupid cell phone from Elliot.

She gave him a look before standing to retrieve the phone. She saw that the battery was almost dead, and there were several notifications, most from a couple days ago. There was a new one just now. A text. She didn't notice that this text was from Kathleen, not Elliot.

She clicked the button to read the text and got a warning that the battery was dangerously low. Then the phone started shutting down. Now she was the one who cursed.

Ed stood and headed toward the bedroom. She took his departure as frustration with the stupid phone and the messages from Elliot. She was about to go after him when he returned.

He slid the charger across the table toward her. She narrowed her eyes at him. He just shrugged. She plugged the phone in and sat it down to give it a few minutes to get a charge.

"Ed?"

"Olivia, I'm not letting him come between us again. If you want to know what he said, if you want to respond, if you want to see him or talk to him…" He hesitated just a few seconds. "I'm not going to stop you or make you feel guilty about it."

She didn't know what to say. "I know it still bothers you."

"I'll deal with it."

"You shouldn't have to."

He started to protest, but she stopped him. "I don't want you to have to."

He didn't say anything. He just scrubbed a hand over his face. He was trying so hard to be understanding and not let this bother him. He wanted her to just drop it.

"I mean it," she continued. "I don't want this to come between us either. I'm going to see what he said, let him know that I'm okay."

"Liv," he stopped her. "I'm pissed at Stabler. I'm probably not going to forgive him anytime soon, but none of that matters. I'm not going to let him be a wedge between us. I'm going to support whatever you decide to do."

She reached up and put her hands on either side of his face. She looked him right in the eye and repeated, "I'm going to let him know I'm okay. Then I'm going to ask him to respect our previous agreement to say goodbye."

"You don't have to do that." What was he saying? That's exactly what he wanted her to do, tell the prick to take a hike. He just didn't want her to do it because it was what _he_ wanted. He wanted it to be her decision, and at this point he wasn't sure it would be.

"What are you saying? I know you don't want me in contact with him."

"I'm not going to force that decision on you." He was a model of control.

"It's my choice, Ed. I want it to be very clear that you are the most important man in my life."

He saw no uncertainty or conflict in her eyes. He kissed her softly. He was about to deepen the kiss when they were interrupted by Nicole and Melody coming through the front door. He stood up and kissed her temple.

"Love you," he said and squeezed her shoulder letting his hand rest there as he turned to watch his daughter and their nanny make their way into the kitchen.

"Hmm, me too." She squeezed his hand.

Nicole dropped her bag and ran up to her parents. She'd forgotten they were going to be home when she got there and was excited to see them.

"Mommy!"

"Hey, sweet girl," Olivia said as she brushed the girl's bangs from her face. "How was school?"

They'd enrolled both kids in a summer program for the first month until summer camp season got into full swing. Nicole immediately launched into stories about her day. Olivia was a little distracted still from the abrupt end to her conversation with Ed and wondering what the hell Elliot was texting her about. He'd seen her. He knew she was okay. After all that had happened, what else could he possibly want from her?

"Mommy," said an exasperated Nicole when she realized she didn't have her mom's full attention. "Did you hear me?"

"Sorry, Nic." She turned her attention to her daughter.

"I said," the little girl continued with an exaggerated sigh. "I got to be the line leader for the whole day."

"That's really great."

"Nobody ever gets to be leader for the whole day," Nicole added with a self-satisfied grin.

"Wow, I'm proud of you, baby girl."

"I'm not a baby anymore. I'm going to be in first grade next year."

"Of course, you're my big girl, aren't you?"

Appeased, Nicole ran into the living room to see what her big brother was up to. Olivia took the opportunity to join Ed had stepped aside to fill Melody in on their schedule for the rest of the week.

"I was telling Mel that after tomorrow, I thought we might take the kids out to the beach for a few days." He told her.

"Okay?"

"Is that okay with you? I know we didn't discuss it, but I thought we could all use a little family time away from the city."

"Sounds good to me." She wasn't sure she wanted to be in a swimsuit in front of the kids since she was still pretty bruised, but it wasn't super hot yet so she could probably manage long summer dresses that wouldn't reveal the extent of her injuries. And it did sound good to get away.

After Melody left, they agreed that after Noah and Liv's appointments tomorrow, they'd try to get out of the city by early afternoon. Ed promised to take care of all the arrangements. She accused him of pampering her. He just gave her a classic Ed Tucker smirk and told her not to get used to it.

SVUSVUSVU

They told the kids about the beach trip over dinner and were greeted with excited cheers. Even Noah seemed happy and less anxious about everything.

Nicole was disappointed that she still had to go to school in the morning, but Ed and Liv just thought it would be easier to keep her on schedule. They also both wanted to go with Noah to his appointment with Dr. Garrison.

After dinner and bath time, Olivia helped Noah pick out what he wanted to take on their trip before saying goodnight. With both kids now in bed, Ed and Liv were in their bedroom finishing up packing and talking about various logistics.

"After Garrison, I'll take Noah and pick up Nicole from school while you head over to Lindstrom's. We'll meet you at home for lunch before we hit the road."

"That works." Her voice cracked. She quickly busied herself with packing.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and walked quickly to their closet to retrieve a couple summer dresses. She came back to the bed and started folding them when Ed came over to her side.

He rubbed his hand up and down her her back. "Liv?"

She dropped the dress she was folding and looked down at the floor. He leaned into her and ducked his head to try to get her to make eye contact. Her shoulders trembled and he felt her take a shaky breath.

He didn't know what had her so upset so suddenly. He pulled her into him, and spoke soft, soothing words. After a few minutes, her breaths deepened, and he knew she'd quit crying.

"Liv, talk to me." He moved his hands from her back to her shoulders and pushed her back a little so he could see her face.

"Ed, we're taking our son to a therapist in the morning."

"He's gonna be fine."

"We're taking him because of me, because my job has him so upset he needs therapy."

"You can't blame yourself for this. This is on the dirtbag who attacked you and Cara. Him. Not you."

"I know that isn't my fault, but I can't help but feel responsible for the toll it's taking on Noah. I'm his connection to the violence."

"That's not fair. Look, let's not jump to any conclusions until tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"You sure."

"Yeah, I don't know why it just hit me like that all of the sudden." She said as she turned to return to packing. "Guess it's a good thing, I got in with Lindstrom tomorrow."

He watched her, not quite accepting that she was okay. He was about to say something more when they heard a knock at the door.

She looked at the clock. It was 9:45pm. They looked at each other with the same unspoken question. Who would show up unannounced at this time of night? It wasn't that late, but one of the squad or their friends would have called or texted first.

Ed went to check. When he got to the door, he looked through the peephole. His blood ran cold when he saw who was on the other side.

Olivia followed him a few seconds later and saw him standing there unmoving. His jaw was clenched, and he looked ready to launch through the door.

She didn't have to ask, but she did anyway. "Ed, who is it?"

He didn't move. He just took a deep breath.

There was another knock. Olivia wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want this in their home. She didn't want this near the kids. Noah definitely didn't need to be awakened by his dad beating the hell out of a strange man.

Ed closed his eyes and took another breath before reaching to open the door.

"Ed." Olivia cautioned as she rushed up behind him to hopefully intervene before anything happened.

As Ed opened the door halfway, they saw Elliot poised to knock again. The nerve of the man.

"You do not get to come to my home." Ed said by way of greeting.

"I just wanted to see that she's okay." Elliot said.

"I'm fine." Olivia said moving into his view.

Elliot took a step forward. Ed put himself in the door between Elliot and Olivia.

"Jeez Liv. I just want to talk to you for a minute." Elliot said. He was looking over Ed's shoulder at her like Ed wasn't even there. It just pissed Ed off even more.

"You need to leave before I make you." Ed warned.

"What? You gonna sucker punch me again?"

The man had a death wish. That was all Olivia could think. What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was she going to do to de-escalate this situation?

Ed started to move. Olivia practically threw herself on his back wrapping her arms tightly around his. With bare feet she had to stand on her tiptoes to speak directly into his ear.

"Ed. The kids," she said quietly. "I don't want them to wake up to this. It's not what they need right now."

Ed closed his eyes and tried to quell his anger. It took every ounce of self-control he could muster, but he reigned himself in as best he could. He focused on Noah. Noah needed him to be calm, steady.

"Liv." Elliot started.

She sighed. "What do you want, Elliot? You can see that I'm fine. We agreed…" She was still standing mostly behind Ed which unnerved Elliot. It was like she was shielding herself from him. When did he become the enemy?

"I don't know. I just…" He shrugged. "You didn't answer my calls or texts. I just."

"That's rich coming from you." Ed spat.

"This was a mistake." Elliot acknowledged. "I just didn't want the last time I saw you to be when you were unconscious in the hospital. I don't want it to be the three of us arguing in your hallway."

If it were anyone else, Ed would feel sympathy for the poor bastard. He hated what he was about to do. He turned slightly and put an arm around Olivia's waist. He leaned into her ear and quietly spoke.

"Liv, I don't want him in my house. Why don't you walk him out and… explain."

She narrowed her eyes at him. That wasn't where she saw things going. He gave her hip a squeeze then ran his hand over the small of her back.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

He looked her in the eye and gave a slight nod. He trusted her to resolve this.

"Okay, I'll be right back." She walked toward a shocked Elliot and motioned toward the elevator.

"Stabler, after tonight," Ed called as they turned to head down the hallway. "Don't. Ever. Come. Back. Here."

A/N: I'm probably a terrible person for leaving this here. But I'll redeem myself with another update soon, I promise! Up next…resolution to this mess, what happens with Noah, and hopefully we'll get to the beach. As always, thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing!


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

" _This was a mistake." Elliot acknowledged. "I just didn't want the last time I saw you to be when you were unconscious in the hospital. I don't want it to be the three of us arguing in your hallway."_

 _If it were anyone else, Ed would feel sympathy for the poor bastard. He hated what he was about to do. He turned slightly and put an arm around Olivia's waist. He leaned into her ear and quietly spoke._

" _Liv, I don't want him in my house. Why don't you walk him out and… explain."_

 _She narrowed her eyes at him. That wasn't where she saw things going. He gave her hip a squeeze then ran his hand over the small of her back._

" _Are you sure?" She asked._

 _He looked her in the eye and gave a slight nod. He trusted her to resolve this._

" _Okay, I'll be right back." She walked toward a shocked Elliot and motioned toward the elevator._

" _Stabler, after tonight," Ed called as they turned to head down the hallway. "Don't. Ever. Come. Back. Here."_

Elliot's nostrils flared and his neck turned red, but he nodded his head once. He wasn't going to cause a scene at Olivia's home. He didn't want to cause her any more trouble at all.

Ed kept watching until they got on the elevator. Olivia turned and looked at him just as the doors closed.

As soon as the doors closed, Elliot turned to her. "Olivia, look I'm sorry for just showing up like this, but you wouldn't return my calls or texts. Or even Kathleen's. I just wanted to know that you were okay."

"Yeah, it hurts when someone cuts you out." She said curtly. She'd let it go, but Ed was right. It was ridiculous for Elliot to make that complaint after only three days.

"I deserve that."

She wasn't doing this with him again. "Elliot, we agreed to say goodbye. To go back to the way things had been for the past twelve years. I need you to respect that."

"I will. It's just." He sighed when the elevator stopped and the doors opened into the lobby. He didn't know how long she'd stay and listen to him but he motioned for her to exit first.

She reluctantly obliged but went straight for the double doors leading outside. He followed. Once outside, she grabbed the railing and slowly lowered herself to sit on the top step. He quickly joined her.

"It's just what, Elliot?" She cocked her head sideways and looked at him with exasperation.

"Liv, at the hospital, your squad, your…" He couldn't bring himself to say husband. "Tucker. They treated me like I was the enemy. Like they needed to protect you from me."

"They were just looking out for me." She defended.

"So I _am…_ the enemy now?" He sounded genuinely hurt.

She put her hand on his knee. "Elliot, you're not the enemy."

He didn't say anything.

"Well, Ed probably considers you the enemy, but I think he's entitled."

"I'm sorry."

"Look, El, my squad doesn't know you. They know me. They know Ed. They weren't going to let anyone cause a disruption in the hospital. Period. It wasn't personal."

He frowned at that.

"For what it's worth, I'm grateful. _And_ even Ed's grateful that I had the phone and that you were able to ID me and get word to him. Otherwise it might have taken hours, maybe even days, for them to figure out where I was."

"Thank you for saying that. I just didn't want it to be the last time we saw each other. Me and Tucker fighting outside your hospital room."

"Okay." She understood. It was just Elliot being Elliot, acting without thinking of the consequences. But she truly believed that he was looking out for her in his own way. "I get it."

"I wish things could have been different between us." He took her hand that was still resting on his knee and squeezed it lightly.

She wasn't sure exactly what he meant. While she wouldn't change her family or her career, a part of her wished that Elliot could have remained a part of her life. Maybe she did understand.

"I know," she answered in that whisper voice she got when the emotions almost choked the voice out of her.

"I'll leave you alone. I don't want to cause anymore trouble for you."

"You aren't trouble. It's just our history. It's…" It was such a loaded phrase, 'our history.' Theirs as partners, theirs of the past few months, theirs together and separately with Tucker.

"It's complicated." He said with a sad smile. "It's always been complicated for us."

"Yeah," she answered with a small laugh.

They sat there for another minute before she reached for the railing with her other hand. "Help me up?"

He jumped up and put a hand under her elbow to help her stand. She winced.

Once she was on her feet, he stepped back and looked at her. Her breathing was labored and she was obviously in pain after hardly any exertion. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it probably wasn't the best idea to sit like that."

"You going to be okay to get back inside?"

She gave him a look. She knew he was just being helpful, but Ed was definitely serious about Elliot not showing up at their door again.

He got the message. "Okay, well…"

She leaned in keeping her left arm tucked into her side to avoid stretching. She gave him a quick hug one-armed hug. "Bye, El," she whispered.

"You know, I always. I'll always be…" He didn't know how to say what he felt at this moment.

"I do know." She said as she stepped away from him. "Me too."

He watched as she walked through the door to her building before turning to head down the steps. She waited until he reached the bottom of the stairs before heading back toward the elevator.

SVUSVUSVU

Upstairs, Ed had poured himself a generous glass of bourbon and was pacing the living room. He heard the front door open after what felt like an eternity. He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that she'd been gone for less than twenty minutes. He stopped in front of the window facing the street and away from the front door.

She came up behind him, placed her hands on either side of his waist on the band of his pants rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel the tension in his body. He'd calmed down some, but she could tell he was still wound up.

He took a long sip of his drink. Then put his hand on one of hers and lifted it just enough to signal her to give him room to move.

She lifted her head, and he turned to face her. They looked at each other, communicating without words. He tipped the glass toward her. She gave him a tired smile before accepting the glass and taking a sip.

He took the glass back from her. She dropped her forehead to his chest and sighed. He rested his forearm on her uninjured shoulder. Her hands remained at his waist. It wasn't quite and embrace, just sharing space.

"You okay?" He asked, his voice still tight and full of restraint. He wasn't looking at her but just over her shoulder like he did when he was angry.

"Yeah," she answered. "You?"

"I wanted to send him sailing down the hallway. I wanted to throat punch the bastard all the way back to the elevator."

"Okay, you're angry." She wasn't mocking him, and he knew that. She was just buying time until she knew what to say.

"Liv." He wanted to say that his ability to be okay depended on what just happened downstairs, but he didn't want to put that pressure on them, on her. So he just looked at her instead.

She saw in his eyes what he needed to hear. She also knew he was trying like hell not to put conditions on them, on her. "He won't come back."

"And you're okay with that?" He stepped back causing her to look up at him.

"Yes, it's for the best."

"I don't want you to feel like I'm making you sever your…" He swallowed hard before continuing. "…your friendship with him. I don't want you to resent me." He looked down when he spoke that last sentence. He sounded uncertain, vulnerable.

She knew this whole chain of events had touched old wounds for him. She desperately wanted him to understand that she was as protective of his heart as he was of hers.

"Ed, I meant what I said." She ran her hands up his chest, over his shoulders and let them come to rest at his neck causing him to lift his eyes back to hers. " _You_ are the most important man in my life. You, Noah and Nicole _are_ my life. I won't let anything or anyone compromise that. I love you so much."

She was looking right into his eyes. There was no hesitation. Nothing held back. No walls. Now she was the one showing vulnerability. She was completely open to him in that moment. He leaned around her and sat the glass of bourbon on the end table just behind her.

"I love you, too." His voice was low and full of emotion. "More than you can possibly imagine."

She stepped into him so close that her body was flush against his. She tilted her head up to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and bent his head to kiss her. The kiss was soft, and they both tasted of bourbon.

His hands ran up her back as their kiss deepened. She draped her right arm around his neck and let her left arm rest on his chest. He tightened his embrace and pressed her body into his.

She couldn't stop the cry of pain that escaped her. He immediately broke the kiss and let go of her.

He saw that her breaths were sharp and short. He reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand. "Liv, are you okay? I'm so sorry."

She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard. She tried to slow her breathing. Making every effort to put a neutral expression on her face, she looked up. Her eyes were the giveaway. They were wide and watering from the pain.

"I'm okay. My ribs are still pretty sore. I think one is broken."

"I'm such a jerk." He turned from her. He'd let himself get caught up in the moment. He wasn't thinking about her being hurt. He was feeling possessive. He was such a cliché.

"Ed, stop."

He turned back to her. "I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot."

"I was just as caught up in you. I forgot, too."

He watched her. Her breaths were deliberate and shallow, but they had evened out and she no longer appeared to be masking severe pain.

When she thought he'd accepted that she was okay and she felt she could stand the movement, she went back to him. He very carefully ran his hands down her arms and took her hands in his. She leaned forward.

"I'm not gonna break," she whispered in his ear before kissing his neck. "Just be gentle."

"Not going to happen," he mumbled into her hair. There was no way he was going to touch her beyond a kiss until she was better.

"Okay," she said before leaning all the way into him and molding her body to his.

He groaned. There was no way she could handle what his body wanted from hers tonight. She might think differently, but he wasn't going to risk hurting her. He put his hands on her hips and pushed her back breaking their contact below the waist.

"I know, I know." She said allowing him to create some space between them.

"But," he said with a wink. "When you're feeling better, you're mine."

"Promises, promises."

SVUSVUSVU

A couple hours later, they'd finally finished packing and were in bed. Due to her injuries, they were in their new position with her on her back and him draped at her side.

They'd reluctantly foregone anymore fooling around and had finished packing without any further mention of what had happened with Stabler. She knew it was coming, so it didn't surprise her when he spoke up.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He was using every negotiation trick he'd ever learned to keep his voice neutral. "It's okay, if you don't."

"I do," she said reaching for his hand. "I just wasn't sure if you wanted to know."

"What happened?"

"I know you don't understand him, but…" She didn't know how to explain this to him.

"I don't understand him or your relationship with him, but I know _you_. Just tell me what you're thinking."

She could do that. "At the hospital, he felt like you and my squad saw him as the enemy."

Ed swallowed. That prick was the enemy. He still remembered how satisfying it had felt in the hospital when his fist made contact with Stabler's face.

"I know," she almost laughed. "I told him that as far as you were concerned, he was."

"I can't argue with that," he said.

"It hurt him to feel like people in my life, you and my squad, thought I needed to be protected from him."

He was grinding his teeth making every effort not to take a dig at Stabler. She noticed.

"Ed, no matter how you feel about him, you and I both know he was there to help me. He would never knowingly cause me harm. He hasn't made the best decisions, but he's not someone I need to be protected from."

He rolled his eyes but didn't say a word. He knew she was right that Stabler wasn't a threat to her physical well-being, but he didn't have to admit it out loud.

She continued to explain the rest of her brief conversation with Elliot. She also told him that she'd known what it was to just be cut out after a traumatic event. And she wouldn't do that to someone, even it that someone had done the same to her half a lifetime ago.

"You're a better person than I am and definitely a better friend than he deserved." Ed said before kissing her neck and sliding his hand across her stomach.

"Ed." She said as she rubbed his arm with her hand.

"I mean it. I don't know how it happened, but I'm so lucky that you decided to take a chance on us so many years ago. And I'm even luckier that you stuck around after all the drama in those early days.

"Yeah, you're the lucky one," she said in a mocking tone. "Just don't forget it."

SVUSVUSVU

Seven came early again the next morning. They both woke with the alarm, and Ed reached over and shut off the offensive noise. He rolled back toward her and kissed her cheek.

"Good morning." He whispered in her ear.

She grunted an unintelligible response. They hadn't quit talking until after midnight, Noah had woken up with another nightmare around 2am and this time the commotion woke up Nicole. It had been almost 4am before both kids were back in bed. Olivia had a nightmare of her own shortly after they'd gone back to bed. It was a long night.

"Coffee?" He asked.

"Please."

He gave a small chuckle and climbed out of bed heading for the kitchen. He started the coffee and decided cereal would be enough for breakfast.

Half an hour later, the family was sitting at the kitchen table, the kids eating breakfast and parents sipping coffee. Melody had just arrived and was perched on one of the barstools. It felt like a typical Tucker family morning.

Once they finished, Melody took Nicole to her day school, and Ed and Liv got Noah ready for their morning appointment. They'd told him they were going to talk to a friend who could help him understand what had happened to Olivia. He didn't ask too much, and they didn't know how much he actually understood. In the cab on the way to Dr. Garrison's office, their curiosity was put to rest.

"She's a shrink, isn't she? You're taking me to see a shrink." Noah said simply.

Olivia looked over Noah's head to Ed. She didn't even know how Noah knew the word "shrink" in that way.

"Noah," she began. "Dr. Garrison is someone who helps kids understand and talk about their parents' jobs, especially when those jobs are dangerous."

"She's a shrink," he countered.

"She's a doctor, and I want you to give this a try." Olivia wasn't expecting this reaction.

"Why can't I just talk to you?"

"Noah," Ed jumped into the conversation. "Your mom and I want you to talk to her just this once. Give her a chance. If you don't like her or if it doesn't help, we don't have to come back."

"We'll be there with you," Olivia added.

Noah slumped into the backseat of the car. "Fine."

Ed and Olivia exchanged a look as the cab slowed to a stop at their destination. She took a deep breath as they got out of the car and headed into the therapist's office.

Ed noticed the pain that crossed her face when she breathed deeply. Had she said something about a broken rib last night? He didn't remember the doctor mentioning it. He didn't want to say anything in front of Noah, but made a note to ask her about it later.

It took everything Olivia had to keep a calm appearance in the waiting room. When Dr. Garrison finally appeared at the door to call them back, she let Ed usher the three of them into the therapist's office.

They spent the first half hour with Ed, Olivia and Noah talking to Garrison. She asked them all questions about the recent incident as well as Noah's overall feelings about his parents' jobs.

Then Dr. Garrison asked to speak to Noah alone. Olivia was reluctant. She knew that Noah was likely to be more honest about his feelings about what happened without her there, but that also hurt just a little bit.

She suddenly had a multitude of sympathy for all the parents she'd convinced to let her talk to their children alone. Many of those children had experienced horrific acts of violence first hand. This was too much.

Ed sensed her struggle and took her hand. "He'll be fine. Right Noah?"

"What, dad?" Noah asked. He'd been distracted by his mom's reaction.

"Can you stay here and talk to Dr. Garrison while mom and I step outside?" Ed said.

"You have to go?" Noah asked.

"We don't have to, but I think you should take a couple minutes with Dr. Garrison. She just wants to ask you a few more questions."

Noah had been pretty open during the first half of their conversation. He admitted that he was scared that since Olivia had gotten hurt this time, she might be hurt again.

"We'll be right outside," Olivia told him as she and Ed left the room.

"Okay," he nodded, but he looked uncomfortable.

When he finally met them in the waiting room an hour later, Olivia had to fight the urge to rush to him. Instead she stood slowly with Ed by her side.

Dr. Garrison gave Olivia a nod. Olivia gave Noah a squeeze on his shoulder as she passed by him. Ed directed Noah to a chair beside him and asked how the conversation had gone.

Olivia heard Noah tell Ed that 'Beth' made a lot of sense and helped him understand a little better. She hoped that was true.

Back inside the therapist's office, Olivia listened to Dr. Garrison explain what she already knew. That Noah was upset by what had happened. It hurt him to see his mom hurt. He didn't fully understand the violence perpetrated on her.

What Olivia didn't expect was to hear how Noah felt helpless to stop the violence. How he worried that her job would put her in a position to be hurt again. How he worried she might be killed. She'd known it, she was just surprised he'd voiced it.

Olivia sank deeper and deeper into the chair. This was all her fault.

Dr. Garrison noted Olivia's body language and tried to reassure her. She went on to explain that she and Noah had talked about the good that his parents did for other people. The training they had to keep them safe. That the other cops they worked with who also kept them safe. The fact that both of his parents had been police officers for a long time and in dangerous positions in the past and were still okay. Of course she had no idea what their past really entailed.

The therapist said that she didn't think a regular regimen was necessary at this point, but she offered to see Noah again over the next few weeks if needed. Garrison told her that Noah appeared to be dealing with it and that Olivia's and Ed's support was exactly what she'd prescribe. She also explained that the nightmares were normal given the circumstances and should lessen over time.

"So, basically you're telling me that his reaction is normal and just has to run its course."

"Yes, part of it's his age. He's old enough to understand the danger, but still too young to feel like he can do anything about it. But he'll adapt. He's a mature, thoughtful young man."

"Thank you."

"He is Olivia. You and Ed have raised him well. He knows he's loved. He's caring. He's very devoted to you. He's a good kid. You'll handle this as you have other milestones, and he'll be okay."

Olivia clung to Garrison's words as she said goodbye to Ed and Noah and headed across town to Lindstrom's office.

SVUSVUSVU

Olivia rehashed the events of the past couple days and hours with Dr. Lindstrom. She gave him the condensed version. She'd been with him for enough years, that they had their own kind of short hand. She knew what facts to tell him, and he knew what reactions to listen for. It wasn't that she held back, she just knew what to tell him. She knew her triggers.

They started with the most recent events and Noah's reaction. They both knew that until she talked about him, she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else.

"Olivia, I know you know this. I know that your husband has told you this, and I'm sure Dr. Garrison told you this. It is not your fault, and Noah will be okay."

"I just…" She couldn't say the words again.

"You want to blame yourself because you think you're the connection to violence for your children. You think that if it weren't for you, they'd be spared. You know that's not necessarily true."

She just looked at him and gave her signature tight smile that wasn't really a smile at all. It was an expression used to hold back tears and keep herself in check. Lindstrom knew it well.

"You're a good mother, Olivia. You're raising two healthy, thriving children. They are capable of dealing with this. They are strong enough. You are strong enough to help them."

"I just hate that I'm the cause."

"You are not the cause."

She rolled her eyes. "I know."

"Do you?"

She rolled her eyes again and sighed.

"You are not the cause of his pain. If a perp shot Ed and put him in the hospital, you'd hurt for your husband?"

"Of course."

"Would you blame him?"

"Of course not."

"Would you blame him for the trauma that an event like that would cause to your children?"

"It's not the same."

"It is."

"Ed and I are adults. We chose this. Noah and Nicole didn't have a choice."

"They didn't have a choice. But let's remember you had a choice almost a decade ago. You had a choice to save a baby boy from a lifetime of foster homes and who knows what else. You had a choice to upend your already chaotic life to save that boy. Five years ago, you had the same choice for a baby girl."

She shook her head at him. He wasn't playing fair.

"You know they are better off with you. You know that they are loved and provided for. You know that there isn't a family on this planet who would love them more than you and Ed."

"Yes." The tears rolled down her cheeks freely. She wasn't ashamed of her love for her kids. She would do anything for them

"Then, just love them, Olivia." He was so matter of fact. He made it sound so simple.

"Sometimes I hate you." She said with a smile through her tears.

"We wouldn't work, if you didn't." He gave her his characteristic, sympathetic therapist smile.

They spoke a few more minutes about what she should look for with both kids. Warning signs that they weren't handling things. Then Lindstrom changed the subject.

"You know, the last time you were here, there was a lot going on."

She groaned.

"Your old partner had resurfaced. Your husband wasn't happy about it. What's happened there?"

The last time she was in this office was two weeks after Elliot's supposed death and resurrection a couple days later. She went on to explain the last few of months and days. When she got to the last 24 hours, he laughed out loud.

Based on things Olivia had said about Ed in their sessions, he knew that Ed loved her. They had open, honest communication. They were equals. They were both stubborn as hell, and while he'd support her, Ed likely wouldn't take well to a perceived threat.

"How do you think it's gone?" She challenged. She didn't even know why. She knew Lindstrom was on her side. She just felt combative for some reason.

"Well, I know that Ed loves you and would do anything for you. I know you feel the same about him."

She smirked. _Thank you, Captain Obvious._

"I also know that you had a deep bond with Elliot. A bond that most people, including Ed, and maybe even you, don't understand."

Her semi-smile turned to a grimace.

"So I'd guess that Ed left it to you to resolve. And…" he studied her for a minute. "I think that you said goodbye to Elliot."

She hadn't told him anything about the details. He hadn't been there through the ups and downs and ins and outs, but he knew her connection to Elliot how she'd want him back in her life for many years before she finally let him go. So why would he assume she'd say goodbye?

As if reading her thoughts, Lindstrom continued. "Olivia. I know you loved Elliot. I know he was a very significant part of your life. I know his abrupt departure hurt you deeply."

She gave him a look. This look was not up for interpretation. This look clearly said, move on.

He ignored her. "You want to know how I know that you told him to go."

She didn't move, she just looked at him.

"You told me. Not in so many words. You told me in your body language. In the number of times you've said that you love Ed and the kids in the past hour. I know that Ed trusts you, and would never tell you what to do, and I know that you would never abuse that trust."

She laughed at him and his certainty that he knew her. "It's true. I love them more than life."

"I know. And so do they."

"They do." She knew that was true.

"You have to trust that's enough. No matter what happens."

She didn't like the implication of that statement, but she didn't want to confront it either. He knew she understood his point, so he didn't push it. They ended their session with a promise that she'd follow-up in a couple weeks with a phone appointment just to let him know how Noah was doing and how she was handling this journey.

SVUSVUSVU

Ed ushered his kids up the stairs to their building and into the elevator. They were arguing about what movies they were going to watch in the car on the way to the beach. It wasn't really arguing since they'd each have their own tablet and headphones to watch or play whatever. They were just disagreeing about who had the best options on their respective devices.

Ed shook his head. Normally, he'd put a stop to their bickering. Today, he almost enjoyed it. It reminded him that he had a family. This family. His family.

He checked his watch as they entered their apartment, 11:15. Liv should be home within the hour.

"Kids, go get washed up. We're going to eat lunch as soon as Mom gets home, so we can hit the road."

Ready for the beach, they rushed off to their rooms to deposit backpacks and get any last minute items to bring along. Ed heard Nicole ask Noah how to make sure she had the Crater Kids downloaded before the trip. He smiled when heard Noah ask for her tablet to show her how to check.

The kids were still messing with their tablets when Ed put lunch on the table. It was simple, PB&J for the kids, turkey and cheese for him and LIv. He was just finishing cutting up some apples and cheddar cheese when Olivia walked through the door.

They all ate relatively quickly. Ed especially. He tried to excuse himself after scarfing down his sandwich. "I just want to get the rest of the stuff in the car."

"We can help," Olivia informed.

"You can't." He answered.

Noah gulped down his last bite of apple. "I'll help you, dad."

"I got it." Ed said.

"I wanna help you." Noah insisted.

Ed looked at his son. Between the two of them, the could probably make it in one trip.

"Okay, No, come with me."

Olivia and Nicole finished up their last bites and cleared the table. Olivia almost laughed at how domestic it all was. The boys packing the car and the girls cleaning up. She laughed at her own reaction. Who cares, she thought. This worked for them, and she was in no condition to carry a suitcase.

Twenty minutes later, they were on the rode. The top was down, so the kids were hunkered down in the backseat with headphones over their ears and big sunglasses over their eyes. As low as their seats were and with the windows up, it wasn't so bad. Besides, they were used to it. This was how one traveled to the beach. Top down, wind in your hair.

Ed was driving. Olivia feigned annoyance when he insisted, but she really didn't care. She was just happy to have her family all together and headed away from all the recent turmoil. And she was in no position to drive them anyway.

He reached over and put his hand on her thigh. She smiled and put her hand on his. He turned his hand over and let their fingers intertwine.

The stitches on her left forearm had already dissolved. So she just had a small bandage there. The ones on her shoulder had another few days, so she tried to find a shirt that would cover the bandage in a way that would give an even tan line. Olivia didn't consider herself to be vain, but she wasn't oblivious to her appearance.

On this trip, however, she was most concerned about the kids not seeing the full extent of her injuries. Her entire left side from just above the knee to half way up her ribcage was still covered in bruises. After four days, other than her ribs and feeling winded half the time, she was feeling much better, but the bruises still looked gnarly.

Today she wore white linen capris and a lose, pale pink tank top. She had her hair pulled back, but the wind from the open top had pulled several strands lose.

Ed untangled his hand from hers and reached up to tuck a wayward piece behind her ear. He wished he didn't have to watch the road. He'd rather watch her.

As if reading his thoughts, she threw her head back and laughed. "I told you to let me drive."

He smiled and dropped his hand back to her lap. She gave him what he sought and linked her fingers with his once again. Then she leaned across the console and kissed his jaw.

He filled her in on his conversation with Noah after they left her this morning. He'd told Ed that he was still upset and not entirely happy with their jobs, Olivia's especially. He also said he understood and would try to not let it scare him. Ed made him promise to talk to one of them if he needed to.

She filled him in on the results of her conversations with Garrison and Lindstrom. She didn't go into the details, but he knew it was going to take her some time to let go of the guilt. Probably as much time as it would take Noah to stop having nightmares. It frustrated her that knowing in her head that it wasn't her fault didn't automatically remove the feeling of guilt.

They made unbelievably good time and got to their B&B in Southampton in two and a half hours. It was the weekend before Memorial Day, so technically the season hadn't started yet, but there was still a little traffic.

Ed had found an online reservation for a private bungalow right on the beach. It was a little more extravagant than they were used to, but this was a unique occasion.

"Ed, what did you do?" She asked when they pulled into the driveway.

"They had a last minute cancellation, and we had a last minute request."

She eyed him skeptically. "You didn't reserve this whole house just for us?"

"I did. It's a little more than we'd normally spend, but I got a great deal. And… just think, we have the place all to ourselves."

She leaned over and kissed him.

"Did I mention that it's also, right on the beach?" As if she couldn't see that.

She laughed at him and gave him one more kiss before turning to the kids who'd just realized they were finally 'there'.

A/N: So hopefully, this gets me back in your good graces after leaving you hanging on the last one :)


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry for the delay. This one wasn't easy to write. I promise to update again soon.

* * *

Chapter 19

 _She eyed him skeptically. "You didn't reserve this whole house just for us?"_

" _I did. It's a little more than we'd normally spend, but I got a great deal. And… just think, we have the place all to ourselves."_

 _She leaned over and kissed him._

" _Did I mention that it's also, right on the beach?" As if she couldn't see that._

 _She laughed at him and gave him one more kiss before turning to the kids who'd just realized they were finally 'there'._

* * *

By four o'clock, Olivia and the kids were in the "backyard" while Ed was off to the grocery store. She was lounging on a sun chair on the patio and the kids were digging a hole in the sand. She'd never understand their fascination with that activity, but it seemed to keep them occupied.

Normally, she'd be the one shopping, but the simple act of unpacking left her short of breath. Ed insisted she rest. She was feeling better now, but her breaths were still more shallow than normal.

She'd broken ribs before. She knew they hurt like a bitch and took a while to heal. But this seemed to be getting worse not better. She didn't want to alarm Ed or the kids, but if she wasn't feeling better by the time they headed back on Sunday, she was going back to the doctor.

Nicole's scream snapped her out of it. She looked up to see Nicole standing a the edge of the water. She screamed again when the cold water rushed up over her feet.

"Nicole," she called. "Out of the water until Daddy gets back."

"Just my toes, Mommy," she called back.

"Nicole." She knew it was perfectly fine for her to get her toes wet, but they'd wanted to instill in her the rule that she was not to go near the water with out Ed or Olivia, period.

The girl's bottom lip started to tremble. Olivia wasn't in the mood to deal with a crying fit. "Nicole, please. Mommy's tired. Don't make me come get you."

Noah popped his head out of the hole that was now a couple feet deep. "Nicole, why don't you come back and help me dig. There's enough room for both of us now."

Nicole looked from him to Olivia. She knew she'd be in trouble if her mom got out of her chair. With a dramatic sigh, she reluctantly agreed.

Olivia was relieved, but now focused on her daughter. She wouldn't put it past her to wait until Olivia reclined again to head back to the water. She carefully turned to raise the back of her chair so she could lean back but still see the kids. It was less comfortable, but until Ed was there, it would have to do.

By the time Ed got back, the digging of the hole was complete. Now they were playing some kind of game that involved bouncing a beachball into the hole. Olivia had no idea what the rules of the made up game were or where they got the ball, but they were having fun. And more importantly, they were getting along.

Ed dropped onto the chair beside her and offered her a beer. Then he kicked off his shoes and propped up his feet. He held out his bottle and waited for her to click it.

"Mmm, cheers." She said before she took a sip. Neither of them drank beer very often, but when they were at the beach, they always kept some in the house.

"First beach beer of the summer always tastes the best."

"Yes." She closed her eyes and took another sip. "What else did you get at the store?"

"The usual. Plus some steaks for tomorrow night, beer, obviously."

They had a routine. They took the kids to the beach several times during the summer, usually a whole week in August. A few times they'd rented a huge house further east with three other couples. Two had kids in Noah's class and one had a daughter Nicole's age. It made for a hectic but fun trip. They took turns watching the kids, so each couple had at least one night out alone and one morning to sleep in.

Olivia liked both kinds of trips, but their Tucker-family-only trips were her favorite. She savored the days of no phone calls, no chance of getting called in, just her and her family at the edge of the sea.

"Earth to Liv?" Ed said as he touched his cold beer to her bare arm causing her to jump slightly.

"Hey!"

"Where'd you go just then?"

"I was just thinking how much I love these trips. These are some of my favorite times with you and the kids."

"Mine too," he said. Then he sat up, leaned over and and kissed her.

"Now, do you want to answer my question?"

She gave him a raised eyebrow and lopsided grin. She had no idea what he was talking about.

"Dinner tonight? I bought one of those rotisserie chickens, stuff to make a salad, mac and cheese."

"Sounds good," She was still reminiscing and barely caught the menu.

"Would you rather go out instead?" He knew he only had half of her attention, but he didn't mind. She was allowed to have her mommy nostalgia moments.

"I'm still kinda tired. Let's just stay in?"

"Works for me."

It was barely five, and the kids had munched on trail mix and pretzels in the car on the way. It'd be a while before they were ready for dinner.

Ed allowed himself a few minutes of his own reminiscing. He was less nostalgic and more grateful to just be there with the three of them in this moment. Olivia was okay. Noah was more relaxed than they'd seen him since the day she got home from the hospital, and Nicole, she was daddy's little girl. He couldn't be happier.

Nicole suddenly realized Ed was back. "Daddy!" She came running at him, full force.

"Hey, princess." Ed said with a smile as she collided with his chair.

"Mommy said we had to wait til you got back to get in the water." She informed him. "So can we now? Can we?"

"Isn't it too cold?" It was still May, and the water up here didn't usually warm up until well into June. It wasn't even that hot temperature wise.

"She just wants to get her feet wet." Olivia said.

"Yeah, Daddy. Just my feet." Nicole said hopefully. "Mommy wouldn't even let me do that by myself."

"Well, you know the rules."

"Yeah, I know," she said without even trying to hide her annoyance.

Olivia huffed a small laugh and gave Ed a sideways glance. This kid of theirs. She dared to imagine a teenaged Nicole.

Ed just laughed. "Okay, just our feet?"

"Yes!" The little girl cried in victory before running off toward the water. Ed stripped off his shirt and followed her.

"You coming with us, Noah?"

"Are you crazy? It's freezing." Ed knew the kid would change his mind by tomorrow.

Olivia watched Nicole squeal with laughter when a wave would rush toward her. Just at it reached her toes, Ed scooped her up and spun them around.

She closed her eyes, and listened. It was the most content she'd felt in months.

"Mom?" Noah called to her as he plopped down on the foot of her chair.

"Hmm?" She answered without opening her eyes.

"I'm hungry."

She plucked her phone from its place by her side and checked the time. It was 6:30. Probably time to get dinner going.

Ed saw the two of them up on the patio and guessed the conversation involved food. "Come on, Nicole. Time for dinner."

She didn't protest but just took off running toward the house, a sign that she was hungry, too. Ed grabbed the ball and shovels and put them in the bin at the corner of the patio.

"I'm guessing it's dinner time," he called as he approached.

"Yeah, we're hungry." Nicole announced.

Noah went to wash the sand off himself in outdoor shower next to the house. Olivia stood to take Nicole over, but Ed stopped her.

"I've got her." He motioned to himself. He was covered in sand and saltwater, too. She nodded and tossed him a beach towel. Then she gave Noah another towel and ushered him inside.

Noah went to put on some dry clothes while Olivia headed into the kitchen. It wasn't long before they were all sitting around the table, barefoot, in beach attire talking about their plans for the next couple of days.

Olivia was more than a little frustrated that her injuries wouldn't allow them to do some of the things they normally would like renting bikes and riding along the boardwalk, running around after the kids in the sand and surf, but they all seemed okay with the change.

SVUSVUSVU

A couple hours later, Olivia was in the master bathroom washing her face and getting ready for bed. Ed came in behind her and fumbled around in his bag for a toothbrush. She reached into her own bag and handed him a tube of toothpaste.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

They finished up their nightly routine, and she saw that is was only 10pm. "You don't have to go to bed early with me. I'm just really tired after the drive.

"It's okay. Nicole wore me out." He watched her as she gently lowered herself to sit on the bed. He saw her clenched jaw as she pulled her legs off the floor.

"Liv?" He said as he slid over next to her. "What's going on? You seem to be feeling worse, not better."

"I don't know," she answered shaking her head. "I think the doctor must have missed a broken rib." She flinched as she tried to shift into a more comfortable position.

"Let me help," Ed said reaching to wrap an arm around her hips. He was surprised that he got no protest from her as he scooted her body down the bed so she was laying flat on her back.

"Thanks," her voice was choked with pain.

"Do you need to go back to the doctor?" The concern was evident in his tone. He slid down next to her and propped himself on one elbow.

"Probably," she began. She saw the panic flash across his face and quickly added, "When we get back on Sunday, I'll go see my doctor if this is still bothering me."

He relaxed a little bit, but he knew that she must be in significant pain if she was letting him help her and planning on seeing her doctor without his insistence.

"Are you sure it can wait until then?" He said, watching her closely. "Maybe this wasn't the best time to come here."

"Ed," she said to stop him from going down that path. "I wanted to come. This is just what I needed. What we all needed."

"You're sure?"

"Positive," she said with a smile. "Now are you going to give me a kiss goodnight, or are you going to make me work for it."

He laughed softly before obliging her with a soft kiss.

The next morning, he woke to the sound of her labored breathing. He looked up to find her eyes squeezed shut and her hand pressed tightly to her side.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I think I must have tried to roll over in my sleep and jarred my ribs." She said with a breathy voice full of sleep and pain. "Can you help me get up?"

Ed didn't like any of this. She still seemed to be getting worse instead of better. He got up and went to her side of the bed to help her sit.

"I need to stand up." She croaked putting her arm around his neck.

He struggled to find a way to support her weight without causing her more pain, but eventually they had her on her feet. She kept her hand pressed to her side and her breaths were ragged. She used the back of her hand to wipe off the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead.

"I think we should take you to a doctor here in town."

"I'm fine." She slowly walked past him toward the bathroom.

He followed her. "Olivia, you can't even stand up without help."

"I'm just stiff from staying in one position all night," she said evenly. She pulled her toiletry bag across the counter and rummaged through it. Finding what she was looking for, she popped open the prescription bottle and tossed a couple pills in her mouth. She flipped on the faucet and cupped her hand to get enough water to down the medicine.

"I thought you quit taking those a couple days ago?" he asked.

"I did," she answered before grabbing her toothbrush. "I'm okay."

"If you're okay, why are you downing two Percocet before breakfast?" He finally asked as they were heading out of the bathroom.

She was already feeling better just moving around and letting the stiffness ease out of her body. "I'm in pain." She said, grabbing his hoodie off the back of chair across from the bed. She got her right arm into the sleeve before she realized her mistake. She couldn't twist to get her left arm into position.

He came over to help. She sighed in frustration but let him drag the sleeve onto her left arm and smooth the top over her shoulders.

"I don't want the kids to see me in that much pain. I figured the meds would take the edge off enough that we can still enjoy our day."

He studied her a minute before nodding. He'd broken his ribs before and knew it hurt like hell. He'd have to trust her judgment.

"Okay," he said. "We should get you some breakfast to go with your narcotics."

She shook her head and followed him out of the room.

SVUSVUSVU

They spent a lazy morning with the kids, not finishing breakfast until almost 10am. They decided to go down to the boardwalk and check out some of the shops.

Ed worried that Olivia wasn't up to it, but she seemed to be doing better the longer she was up and about. And once the meds kicked in. He didn't miss it when she went back to get the bottle and drop it in her purse before they left.

He could tell when the first round started wearing off. They were in their fourth shop. This one featured lots of toys for the beach, and the kids were driving them crazy begging for this or that. He saw her pause and lean against one of the displays.

He checked his watch and realized it had been about five hours. Technically, she should wait another hour.

"Want me to get you a bottle of water?" He asked nodding toward the refrigerated case near the cash register.

"Please," she answered with a slight grimace.

A few toy purchases later, they decided to go to a cantina on the beach for lunch. It was a little soon after breakfast, but Ed knew that Olivia needed to sit for a while.

Olivia, once again medicated from the worst of the pain, watched her family with content. They'd gotten a table outside, right in the sand. Nicole happily colored on her paper placemat while Noah watched two teenaged boys playing frisbee near the water. Ed sipped on his beer as he reached over and took her hand.

He traced little patterns on the back of her hand with his thumb and watched her. She seemed to be breathing a little easier, but still not fully.

"This is so perfect," she said quietly. It was early enough that it wasn't scorching hot, and there was a gentle breeze that drifted up from the ocean.

"Hmm," was his response. He squeezed her hand.

After lunch, the kids wanted to go swimming and to play with their new beach toys. So they headed back to their rental house and got changed.

Ed dragged a beach chair out to the edge of the water for Olivia, then plopped down beside her on the sand. They watched Noah trying to teach Nicole how to use the boogey board they'd bought. She wasn't quite strong enough to manage the low waves and hold on, so Noah let her sit on the board before dragging her out a couple feet. He pushed her into an oncoming wave and laughed when she squealed in delight. The cold water splashed her back, but she managed to stay on the board until it drifted to a stop in the sand.

Noah let Nicole have a few more turns before announcing he was going to try it. It took him a few attempts, but before long he was coasting on the waves like a pro. Nicole clapped and cheered him on before asking for another turn.

Ed and Olivia watched them for a while before Noah slid to a stop in front of them. "You going to take a turn, Dad?"

"Yeah, Dad?" Olivia said with a smirk. "You taking a turn?"

Without hesitation, Ed jumped up and grabbed the board from his son. Olivia laughed. In all the years they'd been coming to the beach, she'd never seen him do this. Nicole came and propped her self on the edge of Olivia's chair, and Noah stood back to watch.

Ed went out to where the water was a little deeper and the waves a little higher. He surprised them all when he caught his first wave and maneuvered the board so that he shot up over the back of it.

Noah ran out to join him, and Olivia and Nicole just watched as Ed taught Noah how to use the wave's energy to launch himself into the air. Truthfully, it made Olivia a little nervous, but Ed was never far from Noah if something went wrong.

Later that night, they sat around the porch while Ed grilled steaks. Olivia had been popping pills regularly, which hadn't gone unnoticed by Ed. She knew he was worried, but she just wanted to keep the pain at bay for another day. In reality, the pills barely took the edge off, but they helped enough that she could function.

While they ate dinner, she teased him about his boogey boarding skills. "I had no idea you could do that."

"I used to surf back in the day." He said like it was no big deal.

"On an actual surf board?" She said. "That I'd like to see." She licked her lips somewhat amused that she found the thought of him surfing to be such a turn on.

"I'll teach you sometime." He said with a wink. He slipped his hand under the table and squeezed her knee.

"When, I'm feeling better…" She teased.

"Promises, promises."

SVUSVUSVU

The next day was Saturday, and they spent it much the same as the day before. Only this time they went out for breakfast to a little diner down the street before coming back to the house to play at the beach.

They'd had a late breakfast, so they just snacked on a light lunch at home. Nicole fell asleep on a towel beside Olivia around 2pm. She didn't want her to sleep too long and mess up her schedule, but they'd had a long morning and afternoon.

"Ed," she called to him. He and Noah were playing catch with a football.

"Yeah?" He answered jogging toward her.

"You think you could move her up to the patio into the shade?" She asked. "I don't want her to get too much sun."

"Sure," he said and tossed the ball to Noah. "Be right back." He scooped up his daughter and headed toward the house.

Noah was tossing the ball in the air and lost his footing. He fell back into the water and scraped his leg on a rock. He called out in pain.

Olivia immediately recognized the tone of his cry and stood to go to him. She felt a little lightheaded when she stood but wasn't deterred.

"Noah, what's wrong?" She called to him.

"I banged my leg on a rock. I think it's bleeding." He was trudging out of the waves toward her, and they could both see the red trickle down the side of his calf.

She walked into the water to meet him. He was making his way okay and wasn't crying, so she assumed it was just a scratch, but it appeared to be bleeding quite a bit.

"I'm okay, Mom. It just stings." He told her when he got close enough. He took her outstretched hand and lifted the injured leg out of the water. She leaned down to inspect the damage. He had a pretty deep scrape on the side of his leg, but nothing too serious.

"Okay, let's get you back to the house and get it cleaned up." She stood back up and a sharp pain shot through her chest. It literally took her breath away, and she fell to her knees.

"Mom?"

She tried to answer but couldn't breath deeply enough to manage. She dropped so she was sitting back on her legs and braced herself with one hand on her thigh.

"Mom! Are you okay?" Noah was filled with panic.

She tried to catch her breath, but it wasn't easing up. "Get… your… dad." She managed.

Noah looked at her, she was just at the edge of the water where the waves were breaking. The water wasn't deep, but she could tell he was torn between leaving her and going to get help.

"Go. Noah." She said as calmly as she could.

The beach was wide and the house sat back a ways, so it took Noah just over a minute to run to the house. He got to the patio and found Nicole asleep on a lawn chair, but Ed wasn't there.

Noah was oblivious to his own cut leg as he flung open the back door and rushed into the house shouting for his dad. He was scared needed to know he wasn't alone in the knowledge that his mom was hurt.

Ed was in the kitchen getting some bottles of water for them when he heard Noah shouting for him. His stomach dropped when he picked up on the fear in his son's voice. He tossed the water bottles on the counter and rushed into the living room.

The sight hit him firm in the gut. Noah was out of breath, blood running onto the floor from what appeared to be a cut on his leg. His eyes were wide with what Ed could only describe as panic.

"Noah," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. If Noah was hurt, where was Olivia? What was going on?

"It's Mom." Noah said in a rush. "She fell down. In the water. She can't get up. Can't breathe." He was spitting out details rapid fire.

Ed took about half a second to register what his son was telling him before racing out the door toward the beach. Noah ran after him.

As soon as he got past the patio, he could see Olivia still on her knees at the edge of the surf. She was hunched over with her hand was clutching her side.

"Liv!" The yell caught in his throat. _Please don't let this be happening._

He got to her in seconds, and dropped to his knees beside her. "Liv, talk to me."

"Can't… breath…" She forced the words out of her mouth, but they were barely audible.

He took a deep breath himself and made himself enter into cop mode. Stay calm. Assess the situation. Get her out of the water.

Noah came running up within seconds. Ed didn't know the town that well and didn't want risk waiting any longer to get help.

"Noah, I need you to listen to me." Ed had one hand on Olivia's back and one on Noah's shoulder. "I need you to run back inside and get my cell phone. You need to call 911."

The boy's lower lip trembled. He was terrified at having that responsibility.

"Noah," Ed said firmly and squeezed his son's shoulder. "I've got to get her out of the water. I need you to go inside and get my phone. Your mom needs you to call 911. Now."

"It's okay, baby," Olivia wheezed. She was still struggling for air, but had summoned the least bit of strength to speak.

Noah heard his mom's voice and snapped to action. He took off running for the house in search of a phone.

Ed managed to get Olivia out of the water and to the beach. Part of him wanted to carry her back to the house, but his training told him to get her out of the water and try to get her breathing easier as fast as possible.

He sat with her slightly reclined against him. It was the only position he'd found where she seemed to be able to somewhat catch her breath. She was coughing now. He saw the fear in her face when the last cough produced blood.

What the hell was going on? Her lips and fingers had taken on a bluish hue.

"It's okay, Liv." He soothed. "Noah's calling an ambulance. They're going to be here any minute. Just try to stay calm. And breathe."

Olivia was focused on just that. Breathe in. Breathe out. Ed was watching and listening. He looked right into her eyes.

"You're going to be okay." His voice was full of emotion and desperation.

It seemed like forever before they heard Noah shouting as he ran back toward them. Ed looked up to see Noah running as fast as he could and a man who looked to be in his 40's following while speaking on Ed's phone.

Noah hadn't known the address of where they were staying. The operator was trying to get a trace on the cell phone, but Ed's position at 1PP meant that his phone was not traceable. It took a couple tries, but the 911 operator finally convinced Noah to out front and find the house number and the street name.

The neighbor from across the street saw the frantic boy and offered to help. He took the phone, gave the operator the address, then followed Noah back to the beach.

"Mom! Mommy!" He yelled as he ran up to them. He was panting from running all around the house.

Ed took the phone from the stranger and started explaining the situation to operator. Noah collapsed next to his mom and took her hand.

"Please be okay. Please be okay." He whispered over and over.

Olivia wished she could reassure him, but it was all she could do to stay focused on breathing. Every breath sent a sharp pain through her chest and threatened another coughing fit.

"I'll go out front and wait for the ambulance," the neighbor told Ed. "The hospital's close, shouldn't take long." He shouted over his shoulder as he jogged back toward the street.

Without knowing what was wrong, Ed, Noah and Olivia had nothing to do but wait for the EMTs. Fortunately, the neighbor was right and they arrived within ten minutes of Noah's call. They had a beach rover to get her over the sand and back to the ambulance waiting on the street.

The neighbor's wife joined them on the curb. Ed asked if she could go get Nicole, who had somehow not woken up through the chaos and was still on the patio. Ed didn't want her to wake up alone.

By the time the woman returned with a sleepy and confused Nicole, the EMT's had gotten Olivia onto a stretcher. Ed took his daughter in his arms and watched as they put an oxygen mask on his wife and began taking her vitals.

Olivia didn't have the strength to do or say anything. She so desperately wanted to tell Noah it would be okay, but she could feel herself getting weaker with every strangled breath.

Noah was hovering as close as he could to the stretcher. Ed struggled to pry him away without losing his grip on Nic.

"I want to go with her," Noah yelled at his dad. "We can't just leave her alone."

Ed pulled Noah back into him as the EMT's loaded Olivia into the ambulance. Noah was crying in full force now. Before, he'd had the adrenaline of the emergency, but watching them strap his mom on the stretcher broke the dam.

"Noah," Ed said, dropping to his knees in front of his son and balancing Nicole on his knee. "We'll follow in the car."

"No, I want to go in the ambulance." Noah was borderline hysterical and fighting to get away.

"Mommy?" Nicole whimpered as she finally started to wake up. She could feel the tension and knew that something was wrong.

It took everything in him to let the ambulance drive Olivia away and still maintain some form of composure for their son and daughter. Ed pulled Noah and Nicole tightly to him. "She's going to be okay," he whispered.

He said a silent prayer that he was right because he'd never seen her so pale.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 _It took everything in him to let the ambulance drive Olivia away and still maintain some form of composure for their son and daughter. Ed pulled Noah and Nicole tightly to him. "She's going to be okay," he whispered._

 _He said a silent prayer that he was right because he'd never seen her so pale._

The neighbors quickly introduced themselves as George and Verona Matthews. Ed thanked them for their help as he stood and tried to think through the haze of next steps.

"The kids can stay here with us, if that would be easier." Verona offered.

Ed felt Noah go rigid next to him. "They're coming with me." There was no way he was going to leave the kids with strangers at such a time.

"Of course," George interrupted and gave his wife a look. He knew she meant well, but no parent would leave their kids with a stranger.

"If there's anything we can do…," she began again.

He looked around. They were all still in their swimsuits. Clothes, keys, Olivia's purse with ID and whatever else they might need.

"I just need to get some clothes on the kids and get to the hospital." He started leading a stoic Noah toward the house. Nicole didn't say a word either and clung tightly to Ed's neck.

Ed instructed Noah to get a t-shirt and some shoes while he got the same for himself. For Nicole, he just grabbed her mesh coverup and the beach bag that Olivia always carried with them. He knew it had a change of clothes and beach shoes, probably for both kids. It would have to do.

By the time he was shuttling the kids to the car, Verona and George were back. Ed had to fight the urge to yell at them to back off. He didn't have the time for neighbors.

"Ed, right?" George asked with caution.

Ed grunted his affirmation.

"You're new around here, right?" George continued.

Ed nodded, with an annoyed look. He just wanted to quit talking and get in the damn car.

"Why don't you let me drive you? I'm sure it'd be faster for me to get us to the hospital." George explained. "You can sit in the back with the kids."

Ed wanted to argue, but the man was right. He had no idea where the hospital was. He tossed George his keys and slid into the backseat with Noah and Nicole.

"I'll follow in our car," Verona shouted as she climbed into the sedan in the driveway across the street. Ed held back a groan. He didn't want to share this moment with these people. He just wanted to get to the hospital. He knew that later he'd be grateful for the neighbors' help, so he tried to keep some semblance of civility.

Moments later, Ed rushed into the ER with Nicole in his arms and Noah close behind. He went straight to the counter and gave his name. The nurse in charge informed him that Olivia had arrived about 15 minutes earlier, and she didn't have an update yet.

He flashed back to a few days ago in the hospital in the city. He wished someone else was here. Not George or Verona. Someone from the squad. Someone who knew the kids. Someone to keep him from putting his fist through the wall.

Nicole had been groggy from her nap during the ride to the hospital, but now she was focused. She knew something was wrong. Noah was still quiet. Too quiet.

Ed didn't know what to do or say to them. Until he heard from the doctor, until he knew she was okay, he didn't know what to do.

He was trying to keep himself calm for the kids' sake, but he couldn't sit still for more than a couple minutes. Every time he stood up to pace around, Noah watched him intently and Nicole fussed about being cold.

Verona turned out to be pretty helpful. She went back to the car to retrieve the beach bag Ed had forgotten and found a change of clothes and a sweatshirt for Nicole.

"Noah, are you going to be okay to sit here while I go with your sister to get her dressed?" Ed asked.

Noah just looked up at the sound of his name. Ed wasn't even sure he'd registered the question. Noah looked from his dad to Nicole and saw the clothes, the restroom behind them. It finally clicked in his brain. He didn't want to be left alone, but he didn't feel like he should say no. He nodded and looked back at the spot on the floor that had held his attention for the past twenty minutes.

Ed wasn't sure that Noah was okay, but Nicole needed to be in warmer clothes. George and Verona were still hanging around, so he wouldn't be totally alone.

"Okay then," Ed said. "We'll just be right in there for a couple minutes," he pointed toward the family restroom behind them.

Luckily, when Ed came back with Nicole, the nurse was calling for them. The doctor came out and motioned toward some double doors. Noah jumped up to join them.

"I'm Dr. Claussen," he said and reached out to shake Ed's hand.

"How's my wife?" Ed said grabbing the man's hand shaking it roughly.

"She's stable," Claussen answered. "Is there someone the kids can wait with out here?"

"They're coming with me." Ed refused to leave them alone with strange neighbors. He didn't think Noah could handle it.

It was a small regional hospital, and it appeared the doctor knew the Matthews. He agreed that the kids could sit in the chairs in the hallway outside her room if the neighbor would sit with them. Ed asked them to sit with Verona for a few minutes while he spoke to the doctor.

He expected Noah to protest. He worried when the boy just slumped into a chair and stared at the floor again. Nicole pulled away from Verona and climbed on the chair next to her brother and patted his arm.

Ed looked from his kids to the doctor and back to the neighbors. Verona nodded at him and mouthed that they'd be fine.

"We're just stepping around the corner," the doctor informed.

"I'm right here, guys." Ed told the kids before following the doctor.

"Your wife has a pulmonary contusion. A bruised lung." Claussen explained. "We've got her on oxygen and pain medication."

"Will she?" Ed began. "She's going to be okay, right?" A bruise on her lung, that sounded minor compared to the pain and coughing up blood that he'd seen.

"She should recover fully. She's in good shape, and there don't appear to be any other complications like an infection." The doctor was matter of fact in his delivery which Ed appreciated, but there was something he wasn't saying.

"But what happened?" Ed asked. "How did a bruise on her lung lead to this?"

"Usually, these complications only happen in those already at risk. Kids, the elderly, smokers." Claussen said.

Ed shrugged. Olivia was none of those things.

"Mr. Tucker," the doctor said, lowering his voice. "Your wife has sustained several injuries recently."

Ed nodded. That was an understatement.

"Sir, I have to ask you about the bruises. The cuts."

Ed went stiff. Was this prick insinuating that he was the cause?

Olivia had still been a little out of it and struggling to breathe when the nurses questioned her about the injuries. All they got was something about falling down stairs and then it was all about her son and the beach. At one point they threatened to sedate her if she didn't calm down.

The doctor was clear that he wasn't letting Ed in the room until he either had her confirmation that she wanted him there or until he was certain that her husband wasn't the one who'd put her in this situation.

Ed took a breath and a step back. He knew the guy was just doing his job. He hadn't even thought about how it would look. She looked like someone had beaten her unconscious. Of course, someone had, just not the one the doctor thought.

"My wife and I are cops in Manhattan." Ed stated simply.

The doctor nodded, but there was a still hint of doubt in his expression. Ed wondered if he'd have to pull out his badge.

"She was attacked by a perp last week." Ed said. "He hit her. Stabbed her. She fell down a flight of stairs."

Ed was fumbling in his pocket. He'd show the guy his badge. Give him Fin's number, 1PP's. He didn't care what it took. He had to get in that room.

"Okay, that explains a lot." Claussen looked relieved. "You're wife was pretty upset about Noah?"

"That's our son," Ed explained. "He was alone with her on the beach when she collapsed."

The pieces of the puzzle were starting to come together for the doctor.

"I need to see her." Ed said getting impatient. "I just don't understand how a bruised lung led to this."

The doctor explained that the bruise had caused fluid to build up in the injured lung over the past few days and made it increasingly difficult to breath. He said they wanted to keep her on oxygen overnight and that she'd be in pain for a few more days. They might want to keep her on oxygen for a few days depending on how she did over the next 24 hours. She was going to be admitted overnight.

Ed's heart sank. He didn't want to leave her in the hospital alone, but he didn't have a choice. The kids couldn't spend the night in a hospital waiting room.

"Can I see her now?" Ed's frustration was palpable. Claussen nodded and pushed the door open.

"She's going to be pretty groggy from the medication," he told Ed.

Olivia stirred as soon as she heard their voices. She was so sleepy but she was breathing a bit easier.

"Ed," she managed.

"Shh," he said as he rushed closer to her bed. "I'm here."

"I'll give you two a minute." The doctor said before leaving the room.

"Noah?" Olivia's eyes watered when she thought of her son and the horrified look on his face when Ed pulled him away from her at the ambulance.

"He's okay," he lied. "He's just outside with the neighbors.

She looked at him, puzzled. She didn't remember meeting any neighbors. She didn't think she'd lost consciousness, but she honestly couldn't be sure. Her confusion kept her from pressing the point of Noah.

"We had some help," he told her. He brushed a stray hair from her face before leaning in to kiss her forehead. When he pulled back, she could see fear in his eyes. That was not a common occurrence.

"Ed," she said, her voice still pretty weak. "I'm going to be okay."

"Of course you are." He gave her a wry smile and pressed his forehead to hers. Neither spoke for a couple minutes. They just relished in the comfort of each others' presence.

"I was scared this time," he said finally.

The admission shook her. She'd been scared, too. There were many times when her life had been threatened and in severe danger, but she'd never felt so physically close to death as she had today.

"Me, too."

Just then, they heard a crash outside her room and Noah yelling. Ed jumped up and headed toward the door. "I'll get him."

Before Olivia could react, Ed had slipped out the door shutting it behind him immediately. Whatever was going on, he didn't want it to upset Olivia any more. Not that what they'd heard hadn't upset her enough.

When he turned the corner, Ed was shocked to find Noah's chair overturned. Noah was backed up under the edge of the nurses' station counter. The neighbor was holding Nicole who looked like she was about to cry, and one of the nurses was trying to calm Noah.

"What's going on?" Ed asked. "Noah? You okay?" When he didn't answer, Ed looked to the nurse.

"We noticed he had a cut on his leg. I asked if I could look at it." She explained.

"He got really upset after that," Verona added.

Ed looked and saw that there was a large gash on the side of Noah's leg. It was difficult to tell how bad the cut was because his entire lower leg was covered in dried blood. Ed couldn't believe it'd gone unnoticed as long as it had. He vaguely remembered seeing the blood when Noah first ran in the house, but everything after that was so focused on Olivia, no one paid attention. Not even Noah.

"Daddy," Nicole whined. "What's wrong? Where's mommy? Why is Noah scared?"

He reached over and rubbed her back. "Everything's going to be okay, sweetie. I just need to talk to your brother for a minute."

"Okay, daddy."

Ed said a silent prayer of thanks that Nicole was being so accommodating. He stooped down next to Noah and put a hand on his shoulder. He was relieved when the gesture wasn't received negatively.

"Noah, talk to me."

Noah shook his head and the tears started to fall. Ed sat down next to him and pulled him close. He was thankful Olivia wasn't able to witness this scene.

"It's okay. Your mom's okay." He soothed. "Everything's going to be fine."

Noah still didn't say a word. He just buried himself in his dad's embrace. Ed caught the nurse's eye and nodded toward Olivia's room. He worried that if he didn't come back soon with word about what was going on, she'd try to get out of bed.

He was right. By the time the nurse entered her room, Olivia was trying to sit up.

"Ma'am, you need to lie down," the nurse said sharply.

"Noah," Olivia answered, as if that was the only explanation needed for her determination.

"Ms. Benson, you need to lie down," the nurse repeated. "Your husband is with your kids. Everything's under control."

Olivia studied the nurse. She looked to be in her 40s, brown hair pulled back into a pony tail. Her stance was firm, much like Olivia would react to one of their vics who was acting not in their best interest. She looked the woman in the eye and found a softness, compassion.

"My son," was all she could manage to say. The more upset she became the more difficult her already labored breathing became.

The nurse put a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I'll keep you posted."

When she noticed that her patient wasn't fully convinced, the nurse put a little pressure on Olivia's shoulder and patted the pillow encouraging her to lie back down.

"When I left them to come in here, your son had already started to calm down," she began. "Your daughter is here, too."

Olivia sighed and leaned back. She realized she wasn't going anywhere.

"My name is Terri," the nurse told her. "I've got a boy about Noah's age. He's 11."

"Noah's ten," Olivia hated this. She didn't want to talk about the Terri's kid. She wanted to know that Noah was okay.

Terri sensed the frustration and tried to move the conversation along. "Noah, and what's his sister's name?"

"Nicole."

The nurse realized that chatting about the kids wasn't going to cut it, so she took some time explaining that Noah had gotten upset when she wanted to look at the cut on his leg. She reiterated that Ed was talking to him and he seemed to be calming down.

After a few minutes, Olivia became restless again. It had been too long. Why hadn't Ed come back yet. What was going on with Noah? Terri offered to check on them, if Olivia wouldn't try to get up again.

Once she was convinced her patient was going to stay put, the nurse said she'd go check on things. She also promised to tell Ed that Olivia wanted to see the kids.

Back in the hall, it had taken several minutes for Noah to settle down. Eventually, he pulled back. Ed took a few deep breaths with Noah to encourage him to calm himself. He caught Nurse Terri's eye as she rounded the corner from Olivia's room. The woman gave him a slight nod which he hoped meant that she was okay with a lack of direct information.

"I want to see her." Noah's voice was shaky, but his resolve was not.

Ed was startled when he heard Noah speak. He didn't think the doctor would approve, and he wasn't sure if it was a good idea for him to see her in the state she was in. He didn't know how to answer.

The other nurse stepped in. "First, we need to get your leg cleaned up. Your mommy's lungs can't handle any dirt or germs right now."

Noah blinked and looked up at her as if it was the first time he realized that it wasn't just him and his dad on the floor of the nurses' station. Ed didn't know if what the nurse said was true, but he knew it would work to get Noah to let them look at his leg.

"Okay." Noah answered quickly and stood up.

They spent the next half hour with Ed juggling Noah and Nicole in a curtained area down the hall. Noah didn't need stitches, so they just cleaned out the cut and planned to put a bandage on it.

While the kids were distracted, Terri kept her word and passed on Olivia's message to Ed. She also told him that she didn't know if the doctor would go for it.

As for Noah, he didn't even acknowledge the process or register any pain. As soon as they were finished with the bandage, he hopped off the gurney.

"Can I see Mommy, now?" Noah asked.

"I want Mommy, too." Nicole piped in.

Ed looked at the nurse with pleading eyes. The more he'd thought about it. The more he decided that they needed to see her awake and responsive, especially Noah.

"I'll talk to the doctor," the nurse answered. "But I can't promise anything."

A few minutes later, the doctor had once again pulled Ed aside. "I don't know if this is a good idea."

"They've seen her hurt before. They've never seen her like she was today." Ed was desperate. "Please, they just need to see that she's okay. At least let me take Noah in. He needs to see her."

"Just a few minutes," the doctor sighed. "I mean it. No more than five minutes."

"Thank you."

After the doctor left them, Ed stooped down to the kids' level.

"Listen, you two. Mommy is sick, so she looks… sick," he said as evenly as he could. "But she's getting good medicine, and the doctor's helping her. She's going to be just fine."

"What's wrong with her?" Nicole asked.

"Her lungs got sick," Ed answered. He wasn't sure if she even knew what lungs were. "It makes it hard for her to breathe."

"Like when Noah uses his inhaler?"

"Kind of like that, but this is a different sick." Ed didn't have a clue how to prepare them, but he wanted to tell them about the tubes and IV, so they wouldn't be scared. He briefly explained as best he could to prepare them.

Ed finally stood and led the kids down the hallway to her room. He hoped he'd made the right decision to bring them both to see her. Neither child said a word, they just nodded and looked expectantly at the door. As soon as Ed pushed it open, Noah made a beeline for Olivia.

"Mom," he whispered as he reached out to touch her hand. Then he stopped short almost like he was afraid.

"Noah," she reached for his hand and brought it to her cheek. "It's okay. I'm okay."

"You're okay," he said quietly.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She still wasn't breathing easy, but several hours of oxygen and fluids and pain meds had helped significantly.

Ed joined them with Nicole at his side. They didn't speak, just watched each other. The relief was palpable.

"Mommy?" Nicole interrupted. "What happened? Was there another bad guy?"

"No, no," Ed answered. "Nothing like that. She just got sick, remember."

Noah fell forward onto the bed just next to Olivia's right side. She put her arm over his back and looked at Ed. He had no idea how to explain what was going on. Everyone's emotions were raw.

"Noah, baby." She called to him as she tried to nudge him up to look at her. He wouldn't move. He wasn't really holding onto her, but he let her hold onto him. She could hear him mumbling but couldn't make out what he was saying.

She nudged him again and managed to move him back enough that she and Ed could understand him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He was apologizing over and over.

"Noah," she said as firmly as she could. He looked up at her.

"What are you sorry for?" She asked.

"It's all my fault."

Ed and Olivia exchanged a look. Why would Noah think this was his fault?

"What do you mean?" Ed asked him. "This isn't your fault."

"I was horsing around in the water after you left to get Nicole." Noah choked on a sob.

"That's not…" Olivia wasn't following his train of thought. "Why do you think it's your fault?"

"You had to come get me when I cut my leg. If I would have just followed the rules…" He was crying so hard, that Ed pulled him off of Olivia in fear that it would jar her too much.

"Noah, look at me." Olivia said.

He turned his head from Ed's shoulder just enough that he could see her face.

"Nothing you did made this happen. Nothing." She could tell he wasn't fully buying it, but she didn't know how to convince him.

"Your mom's lung got hurt when she fell last week," Ed began and looked to Olivia for confirmation that this was the right thing to do. She nodded.

He continued explaining as simply as possible that she got a bruise on her lung during the altercation last week, that it was something that slowly made it harder and harder for her to breathe. Noah seemed to be tracking, and even Nicole, who'd been pretty quiet, appeared to understand the basic idea.

"But it got worse when you had to come get me," he told Olivia, not quite ready to let go of his guilt or believe that his parents weren't just trying to make him feel better.

"Listen to me," Olivia said. "It was already going to happen, no matter what. The same thing would have happened even if I just got up to walk inside the house. It was not your fault."

"Okay," he said, his voice still a little shaky.

Olivia gave him a look of doubt.

"I believe you," he added with a little more confidence.

"Besides," Ed said. "You're the one that got help. You got me and you called 911."

"You called 911?" Nicole asked. She looked in awe at the thought. She'd learned about 911 at school, but knew that she shouldn't call it unless it was a really big deal.

"Yeah," Noah answered. He looked a little less worried and a tiny bit proud. Ed and Olivia noticed. This was something they could build on.

"Wow." Nicole said. She'd missed the height of the chaos, so it was just now that the significance of the situation started to dawn on her. "Were you scared?"

Noah hesitated a minute. "Yeah." He looked ashamed to admit his fear.

"But," Ed jumped in. "He was very brave and did exactly what he needed to do to help Mommy."

Noah gave a shy smile at the praise.

"A lot of adults would have been too scared to act as quickly as you did." Ed continued, determined drill home the point. "I'm so proud of you." He squeezed Noah's shoulder.

"Me too," Olivia said and kissed the top of his head. "I'm very proud of you, Noah."

"Me three," Nicole chimed in and then laughed at her own joke.

"Me three," Ed mimicked and poked her in the ribs causing her to laugh out loud.

Noah finally cracked a small smile.

* * *

a/n: Okay, folks. There's one chapter left, to wrap up loose ends. TBH I'll be sad to see this one go, but I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have!


	21. Chapter 21

Epilogue

Olivia pulled out her phone to snap a picture. Ed had his arm around the back of Noah's chair and was pointing to a player in the outfield. They exchanged an animated conversation about something she couldn't make out. Satisfied that she'd captured some good candid shots of her boys, she turned to catch a few more pictures of the rest of the gang.

They'd had to reschedule Noah's batting practice event due to Olivia's recovery. It was originally planned for the weekend after their beach trip, but Ed and Noah weren't willing to leave her alone that soon. She wanted to be annoyed, but she and Ed were both so thankful that she was okay and that Noah was starting to cope better. She agreed to their plan to try to postpone.

It had taken three weeks before she could go back to limited, part-time desk duty, two-more for full-time desk duty, and it was likely going to be another month from now before she was cleared for full duty.

She tried her best to enjoy the extra time with the kids, but the whole family would be glad when things got back to normal. Regardless, it was late July when they were finally able to reschedule the event.

When Ed first called to ask about rescheduling, he only said that his wife was ill and could they please postpone. The woman who answered the phone said she'd have to check with the manager and call him back.

Two days later, Ed got a call from _the_ Mets Manager. He asked what was wrong with Noah's mom. Ed didn't want to elaborate on their personal lives, so he just told the guy that she was a cop who'd been injured in the line of duty. That only led to more questions which Ed reluctantly answered.

As soon as the Manager learned they were a family of cops with more than three decades of service between the two of them, everything changed. They were upgraded to the Corporate VIP Package for the first available game of their choosing. That included not just watching batting practice from right behind the cage, but also Sky Deck tickets for the game for 24 people.

At first, Ed resisted thinking they were just going to be used as some sort of publicity stunt. But the Manager persisted. He promised that their privacy would be respected and that the team wasn't in it for anything more than to give back to some of the city's finest. Ed finally agreed.

Normally, neither he nor Olivia were ones to accept such things and he had to notify 1PP to make sure it wasn't a violation of the rules. They got approval, and Ed convinced Olivia to just enjoy the perk.

So, an ecstatic Noah not only got to bring an even more excited Evan and his mom, but also a couple other friends they met at soccer camp. Olivia invited her whole squad plus Barba, who sat in the back of the air conditioned portion of the box typing away on his phone and completely ignoring the game.

Amanda brought Jesse to keep Nicole company. Currently the two girls were sitting at a table coloring. The baseball game wasn't enough to keep their interest. Amanda was talking to Carisi. He'd come alone but was always a hit with the kids, who called him Uncle Sonny, much to his delight.

Fin showed up with a date. Apparently she'd been around for a little while because Ken's family seemed comfortable with her. Ken brought his partner and all three of their kids with him.

Melody and her sister were replenishing their beers before heading back to the seats in the front of the box. Between shuffling kids to camp and school and between offices over the years, Melody knew most of the kids and parents who were there. Her sister was eighteen and visiting for the summer before starting college upstate in the fall. So she knew a handful of people as well.

Olivia had tried to convince Ed to invite a couple of his friends from work. He refused saying that the other members of the squad wouldn't be able to relax with members of 1PP mulling around. He was probably right. And by now, Olivia's work family was as much his as hers. So that rounded out their group, almost.

Olivia snapped a few more pictures before being interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She didn't have to turn to know who it was, the one person who rounded out this group.

She smiled as a cold beer was placed in her hand. Then she turned and clinked it to his bottle of water.

"To family," she offered.

"To family," Cragen echoed. They settled into a couple of seats near the back, so they could take in the game. He waited a few minutes before asking her the question that had been on his mind for weeks.

"They still calling you?" He asked.

"No," she answered quietly.

He didn't push. He didn't have to. He knew well enough that her decision hadn't been easy, but had been necessary.

A few days after they returned from the beach, Kathleen had called Olivia to see if she wanted to meet for coffee. All Olivia told her was that right now wasn't a good time.

A week later, she got another call. Olivia briefly explained what had happened. Kathleen immediately offered to help out.

Olivia didn't know how to deal with Elliot's kids now that she and he had agreed to go back to goodbye. At the time, she didn't want to bring it up with Ed. They were both still dealing with the aftermath of the past weeks and months. The kids were still on edge. It didn't seem right to add this to his concerns, so she'd called Cragen.

He understood the situation as well as anyone and had a unique perspective on Olivia and Elliot. He cared about them both and always tried to advise solutions that were fair to all involved.

Cragen had agreed with Olivia, that it wasn't likely she could keep in touch with one or more of Elliot's kids without him creeping back into her life. Something else they agreed on, that chapter in her life needed to remain closed.

"It broke my heart to cut ties with them, especially Kathleen." She admitted.

"I know," he gave her a sad smile. A part of him couldn't believe the outcome. A part of him saw it as inevitable. It was like they'd been destined to combust in one way or another.

"I told her she could always count on me if any of them needed something," she quickly added. "Whatever that means."

"I'm sure she knows, Liv." He knew. She might not be able to be friends with Elliot's kids, but if they truly needed her, she'd move mountains to help any of them. Even Elliot.

Cragen's words soothed the remnants of ache. Somehow, she believed him.

"What's so serious over here?" Ed interrupted their moment. He knew that Olivia thought he didn't know about Stabler's kids calling her, but he'd accidentally heard her telling Kathleen goodbye. He quickly realized that she didn't know he was within earshot.

At first he was tempted to be upset they were calling her. Upset she was taking the calls. Upset that she didn't mention it to him. But if anything had come out of the craziness of the first half of this year, it was that their relationship had gotten stronger. Their family was stronger.

There had been many days along the way when he honestly didn't know if that would be the case. There had even been a couple times when it seemed the opposite. Yet here they were, celebrating their family with their friends.

"We're just waxing poetic about the good ole days," Cragen joked.

"Well, get over here," Ed said as he nudged Olivia's arm. "Come on, Carisi's insisting on group photos."

Ever since Carisi got his first "real" camera, he'd become the de facto squad photographer. Sometimes they all wanted to shoot him, but they always appreciated the photos he captures. Half of the pictures Olivia had of the kids came from his lens.

Half an hour later, they'd taken what seemed like hundreds of photos in dozens of configurations. Just the kids, just the squad, various families. By the end even the adults were groaning at Carisi to let them get back to the game.

SVUSVUSVU

"It was a good day," Olivia said with a sigh, as Ed walked in clad in only a towel. They hadn't gotten home from the game until after eight, so by the time the kids were in bed it was almost ten. She took a shower and was now sitting on the edge of their bed in one of Ed's old NYPD t-shirts, her hair still wet.

"Yeah, it was." He answered simply as crossed the room toward the dresser. He grabbed another t-shirt and some boxers and dropped them on the bed while he finished drying off.

Normally, it was one of her pet peeves. He just got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and started walking around the room leaving wet footprints everywhere. Tonight, she was more interested in the wet body beneath the towel.

"Where do you think sex fits in the spectrum of desk duty and active duty?" She asked.

He almost dropped the towel at her words. When he looked up at her, he noticed that his t-shirt was all she was wearing.

"Woman," he warned. "The doctor said four more weeks for active duty."

"But I'm feeling so much better," she whined and leaned back on her elbows, crossing her legs. She didn't miss the heat that flashed across his face.

He knew she was feeling better, but her lungs still weren't 100%. Her check up last week confirmed they were better but not quite full capacity. She'd been off oxygen since the first week out of the hospital and kept insisting that she felt fine.

As long as she didn't over do it, she seemed to be fine. Her external injuries had healed. All that remained were a few scars that would probably fade over time.

"Olivia," he said and continued to get dressed.

She rolled across the bed so she was right in next to him. "See, look how easy I move." She waggled her eyebrows at him.

She was trying to kill him, he thought. That was the only explanation.

He didn't say a word but just watched as she pulled herself up to her knees in front of him. He stayed completely still, towel still in hand, as she leaned forward and kissed him.

He tried to let it be just a kiss. He tried to ignore the way she pressed her body into his. He was failing, miserably.

"Are you sure this is okay?" He nervous about her health, but he wasn't a saint. With their fight about Stabler, her initial injuries and this long ass recovery, it had been months. Right now, he wanted nothing more than her, but he wasn't sure.

"Well, we're probably not going to set any records tonight," she said with a bit of a smirk. "But I'm not gonna break."

"I seem to remember you telling me that once before," he answered studying her face.

She knew he was watching her breathe. Watching, analyzing, deciding.

"Ed," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down onto the bed with her. "I know my body. I'm okay."

It had taken a little coaxing, but she knew she'd win. Normally, after such a long time, they'd be fast and frantic, but Ed drew it out. He insisted on taking charge and keeping it slow. It was tender and easy, like coming home.

SVUSVUSVU

Ed woke to a dark room and an empty bed. A quick look at the clock showed that it was almost two in the morning. He slipped out of bed and made his way down the hallway. He knew where he'd find her.

On his way, he peeked into Nicole's, then Noah's room. They were both sound asleep with their covers pulled all the way up, a sure sign that Olivia had recently been there.

The first few weeks after the beach had been really difficult. Noah still had nightmares. Even Nicole had a couple. Olivia had been stuck with a portable oxygen tank for a week and then was very limited in the two to three weeks following.

Just when everyone's nightmares started to subside, she went back to work. It was only part-time at first, but it set everyone back. Noah flipped. He didn't want her back at work. He'd feign illness, refuse to eat or speak if she wasn't there. Since she hadn't understood as much, Nicole fared better, but she picked up on Noah's emotions. It was two weeks of hell.

But each day got just a little bit easier. Noah saw the counselor several times during those first weeks before tapering off to every two, then three weeks. Now they were planning on monthly until they got into the new school year to make sure he was getting settled. He was learning to cope with the danger of Olivia's job and the traumatic events of the summer.

Despite how it sometimes seemed, they were all doing quite well. Ed took a moment to be thankful for the peaceful sleep of his children before padding down to the living room.

He found her sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs by the window with a cup of tea and her tablet. She had a smile in her eyes as she tapped the screen.

"Carisi sent the pictures?" He said softly. She'd heard him coming, so she didn't react to the sudden intrusion to the silence other than to nod.

She was sitting sideways in the chair, so her legs hung over one of the arms. He bumped her back with his thigh as he wedged himself onto the other arm. She accommodated his intrusion by scooting out a little, so he could rest against the back of the chair.

He peered over her shoulder and saw a blown up image of just their family. Ed and Olivia each had an arm draped around the other and he was holding Nicole. Noah was standing slightly in front of them and Liv's free hand was resting on his shoulder. Mr. Met was just entering the frame and threw up jazz hands.

At the time, Carisi had been annoyed that the mascot messed up his Tucker family shot, but it turned out to be everyone's favorite. He sent one with Mr. Met and one with him unceremoniously cropped out.

"That's a good one," Ed said quietly.

"Yeah," she answered with a tear in her voice. She wasn't sure why she felt so emotional, but it just felt good to be basically back to normal.

"You okay?" He knew she was, but he wanted to leave the door open for her to talk to him about anything on her mind.

"Better than okay," she answered and let her head rest on his arm that was laying on the back of the chair.

"Any other good ones?" He asked before reaching over her and tapping one of the thumbnails on the bottom of the screen.

An hour later, he'd somehow wedged himself under her on the chair, and they sat there scrolling through pictures from the game laughing at stories attached to each. Finally, she yawned and flexed her back.

"We should get back to bed," he said. Then he took the tablet from her and put it on the table next to them.

She leaned into him as they walked down the hallway."Mmm," she sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yeah," he answered. Then he pulled her closer and kissed her temple.

As they headed toward their bedroom, neither heard the notification on the tablet as a new image popped up in the shared album. It was another one of just their family, a candid photo of the four of them at batting practice.

Ed and Olivia were next to each other on bleacher seats. He'd just given her a quick kiss, so they were close and looking right at each other. Nicole was sitting on the row below between their feet. She was looking up at them with a goofy grin. Noah was standing on the row behind them looking slightly down with his hands on their shoulders. They couldn't have posed a better picture if they'd tried.

THE END

a/n: Okay, that's all for this one. To everyone who's kept up from the beginning, caught up in the middle or just discovered, thanks so much for making my first foray into ff a positive experience. While I didn't want this one to end, I felt it completed it's arc.

However! Since it's seemed to be a popular one and I love it so, I'm thinking of doing some one shots or other longer plots in this same universe - past, present and future. Yes?


End file.
